Tag Archives: vagina
21 Jul

That moment when you’re in such a hurry to put your tampon in that you accidentally and very suddenly punch your vagina. So you’re just in the bathroom and you’re yelling because it hurts and you’re like “AHH” “FUCK” “DAMNIT” “HOLY BABY JESUS GOD DAMN”

And the person in the next stall is totally silent but you know they are wondering what to do. Like…should I see if she is okay in there? Should I ignore it? Should I run and pretend I wasn’t even in here? Maybe I should just pull my feet up and pretend like I don’t exist.

And then you don’t know if you should just laugh or say IT’S FINE.

So you’re both just sitting there in silence and its awkward and neither of you wants to leave first.

 

This awkward moment brought to you by Michelle *wink double finger point*

Why I Hate the “P” Word

7 Jun

There are lots of ‘p’ words, and it just happens that most of the words I dislike begin with the letter ‘p’, but lets focus on just one right now: pussy.

First of all, I sound absolutely ridiculous saying it. Unless I get into character like I do when I say pretty much anything jokingly – fa real!?, Oh, hell nah!, I’s gon whoop some ass! – it just sounds dumb.

That aside, I want everyone to take a second to think about what calling someone a “pussy” is implying.

If you are a women, you are basically telling someone they are acting the equivalent of…well…a woman.

With all this equal rights for the sexes talk, shouldn’t we stop using words that are derogatory to women, especially if we are women? It’s even worse when feminists start throwing this word around. It completely baffles me.

If you are a man, you are basically telling someone they are acting the equivalent of…well…a woman.

This is demeaning to women.

I suppose you could argue with me about it’s connotation in reference to the “scaredy-cat” but really, I haven’t heard anyone but awkwardly-aged children use the ‘p’ word in relationship to cats.

And anyway…what exactly does a “pussy” act like? Moist? Conforming? Hairy? To be completely honest, I’ve always just thought of them as stationary, inanimate objects that don’t act like anything. Maybe I’m in the minority here.

What do you think of the word ‘pussy’? What other ‘p’ words would you venture to guess that I don’t like? What are some of your least favorite words?

Sex Toys and Booze

20 Jun

Last night I was hostess of a Slumber Party for the very first time. What is a Slumber Party, you ask? A Slumber Party is when a group of women get together, and get told about sex toys by a representative with the Slumber Parties company.

Its fun.

A total of 16 people came, and we had all kinds of snacks and beverages, and there was definitely some alcohol involved. First rule of Slumber Parties…no boys allowed! I think that’s to allow us all to get a little unruly and not be embarrassed about talking about dildos, of course. Because I was hostess, I got to control the bullet, which just happened to be placed between one of the Slumber Party virgins boobies. It looks a little like this (except with only one silver thing – that’s the vibrating part):

Every time I saw something that I wanted to be on sale, I got to turn it to high, and the virgin had to yell out sale. I’ll admit it was very funny! We also were asked trivia questions, and correct answers were given penis pencil toppers. I just happened to get a flesh colored one and a blue, glow-in-the-dark one. Somehow it ended up on my lamp switch.

Probably the best point throughout the night, however, was when we were all finished, and our consultant (my friend from middle school, go figure!) was waiting to take orders. At that point we grabbed the Ice Man, which is this bad boy:

It has a suction cup, so you can pretty much mount it wherever you please and have a go! I’m sure you can imagine what 16, 20-somethings could do tossing around one of these things. Helicopter dick made its appearance at one point during the night (and yes, I have video).

We also stuck it to things, and took various [staged] photo bomb pictures. We through it, we jiggled it, and I poked people with it. I have a picture of a friend “smoking” the Dazzling Diva like a cigar, and many pictures of friends holding the elephant of the Decadent Indulgence to their nose. 50 Shades of Gray as read by Gilbert Godfried even made its appearance later in the evening. It was an awesome night, and I ended up getting four free items! Awesome, right!? I got this pheromone cologne, some numbing stuff for waxing, some shaving stuff for loosening hair follicles, AND I got this awesome stuff that keeps away moisture on hot, sweaty days. Working at an animal shelter is going to be much more comfortable once THAT gets here.

Overall, it was a great time, and I’m so glad I knew my consultant personally. I’m so glad everyone could make it, and I’m so glad I got 50 dollars worth of free stuff! I wish I could share pictures, but I think I’ll keep all of those for my private collection. If you’ve never had a Slumber Party or been to one, I highly recommend doing it. I had pretty much all levels of sexual experience and comfort attend, and it worked just fine!

Ever had a Slumber Party? What games did you play? Recommend their products?

On Penises and Other Such Things…

7 May

 

Not too terribly long ago, a fellow blogger posted about the surprise sext. You know the texts where you randomly get a picture of some guys penis. Well, its happened to me before, but I didn’t think it would happen to me again so soon.

So yeah…to make a story short, I got a penis picture. It was actually quite “artistic” for a penis picture. Usually, they are taken via cellphone, by the person to which the penis is attached. The one I got was taken in a different fashion, and I was impressed at the pose. I digress…back to what I was actually talking about.

It got me to thinking. What is the appeal of such a picture? When someone sends me a picture like that, I can’t help but to think Oh look. A penis. and thats about it. A penis, in and of itself, is not exciting. It all depends on what the penis is doing, and [maybe] more importantly…who it is attached to. If you want to get me all hot and bothered, send me a picture of you with your shirt off and your pants undone with a seductive expression. Or wearing suspenders. Or a bowtie…that one gets me every time.

And its not just penises that get circulated, either. I accidentally stumbled on a friends up-close-and-personal picture of her vaj, once. Believe you me…I never want to see another vagina picture again.

Men: What do you hope to accomplish by sending pictures of your wiener to the ladies? How do you feel when you get vagina pictures?
Ladies: How do you feel when you get penis pictures (surprise or otherwise) and does context matter? How do you respond? Would you ever send a picture of your lady bits?