Tag Archives: sexual

Parents Kissing Kids, Too Sexual?

20 Sep

I found an article on my Facebook feed warning parents not to kiss their children on the lips because the child may perceive that as sexual or romantic in nature because Mommy and Daddy do it.

To that, I have to ask…why the hell do we have to over-sexualize everything?

Children do not have this perception of sexuality that adults do. When a child masturbates, it is simply because it feels good – the same type of good like the sun hitting your face or your feet on the grass. When a child sees Mommy and Daddy kissing, they don’t have this philosophical inner dialogue about the emotional and physical constitution of the kiss. They see two people loving each other. So when Mommy kisses her son or daughter on the mouth, she knows that Mommy loves her, and Mommy knows that she loves her back.

As fate would have it, I also have personal experience to support this.

When I was about 5, I got “in trouble” with my teacher because I kissed a little boy in my class. My parents are both amazing people, so they completely dismissed the teacher’s concern. Why? Simply because I was showing affection toward him, just like I did my parents.

I can also speak from experience that as you discover your sexuality, you do become aware that you are kissing your parents on their lips, and you naturally gravitate toward a newer, more “acceptable” place – the cheek. The lips then become reserved for lovers. (I will hold that in moments of sweet innocence, we sometimes will revert back to that youthful kiss on the lips.)

I question this psychologists relationship with her parents, too. I have a relationship that if I go home, at the age of 25, and find one or both of my parents laying down watching TV in their bed, I will still crawl into bed with them and snuggle. I’d even say that I’m a very needy 25-year-old child, as I’m constantly asking my parents for hugs. I wouldn’t be surprised if she thinks this behavior odd, too.

Do you think we over-sexualize things? Is it acceptable to kiss parents on the lips? Is it confusing? 

Adult? Myth.

9 Apr

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Just today, I sat down to my computer and I saw the above picture was on my Facebook feed, provided by a really great woman I’m friends with. Despite its simple assemblage of words, it was meant to be provocative. While I concur, I really doubt that the thoughts it has provoked in my mind are quite what was meant when someone taped that piece of paper to that window.

My first thought kind of bypassed everything and while I don’t consider myself someone who exploits men sexually, I do find that I’m just as distracted by attractive men as men are by attractive women.

Once I posted my self-designated “awkward comment”, I started to realize that more than a glance was needed to decipher this piece of paper.

Right away we are setting ourselves up to believe that this male-stereotype is true, and perpetuating ill-will toward men. All the while, the author sets us up to feel that women are seen as sub-human and sexually exploited.

I feel sad for woman-kind if I’m in the minority with this sentiment, but I’ve never thought to myself Michelle…that person is trying to sexually exploit you. Ever. I’ve never felt sub-human, either.

The same women who tell me that feminism isn’t about man-bashing (when I tell them I’m not a feminist, I’m an equalist) are just perpetuating the belief that all men want sex and only sex. These same women are telling us, via this picture, that men never get slack about their bodies.

While I wish someone on this fair planet could say no one has ever had a problem with their body, it just isn’t true. Let me tell you a quick story from 7th grade…

Once upon a time, I was sitting in class with my less-than-favorite teacher and a classroom full of other 7th graders. A boy in my class was wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves cut-off. It looked a little something like this:

Unfortunately for him, guns were against school policy in more ways than one, so he was told he needed to change. Much to everyone’s surprise, when the horrible witch secretary told him this, he retaliated. You see, she, too had the guns out that day. Her shirt looked a tad like this:

Unfortunately, no one listens to a 7th grader’s logic, so even though what he said made SO much sense, he had to change anyway. She didn’t have a good response, other than she was a woman and he was a boy. 

Catch my drift? And if you still don’t believe that men are sexualized then go to Google and drool over some male underwear models.

Once you’re done with that…see what I did there? Drool. Degrading men with my eyes again. Case and point – just stop with this “men never…women always…” or “men always…women never…” stuff. It isn’t making the case for feminism any better because nothing is 100%.

Now that I’ve made that point, I always felt provoked to tell you about sex. Not in the birds and the bees kind of way…but in the I’m-a-sexual-creature-and-I’m-okay-with-that kind of way. Humans. We are all about the sex. I’m an intensely sexual being and so are you. We look and we enjoy. We indulge. For some reason, we are stuck on this whole idea that it is okay for me to look at a man without a shirt on and ogle but it isn’t okay to ogle at a girl who is (I can only assume based on this picture) working out in revealing clothing (sports bra and short-shorts, perhaps?). You might read that and say…”well, that isn’t true at all!” but yes, yes it is. We hide it by the fact that we say we don’t consider men as visually stimulating sexually as we do women, but that is just a huge lie.

I’ll save my rape culture rant for a different day, because this is already a pretty hefty blog. That brings my to my final point, which is the namesake for this blog…

The definition of an adult is fictional. The author of this provocative speech on a piece of paper on a window is speaking of sexualizing young girls, but just as I am a sexual being now, I was a sexual being at the age of 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. The only difference between my at 13 and me at 25 lies in the fact that I now have to buy my own food and pay bills, along with some actual hard and fast sexual experience I found along the way. My pattern of speech may be more polished now, but had I not been probably too-logical about love and lust at such a young age, I would have totally gotten it on with anyone. Middleschoolers. Highschoolers. College guys. They were all super-sexy and I lusted after all of them. If our government didn’t have this arbitrary line that says you’re an adult at 18 (ish), I firmly believe that people would reach “adulthood” at their own paces. There is precedence for 13 and 14 year old girls getting married off, and while I bet they would have liked more say in the matter of who, I could say that I knew who I was and what I wanted at that age.

We get jaded as we get older. The bills and the work and having to wear pants…it screws with us. We forget that we have been horny over-sexualized little beings since we hit puberty. 10 years later, friends can’t tell the difference between pictures of me now and pictures of me at 15, and what does that tell you? That sexualizing me now is also sexualizing me at 15, which is apparently wrong? I can’t say on good conscience that finding a 16 year old girl physically attractive is wrong. The only thing that could be wrong is what happens next.

Do you firmly believe I’m crazy yet? How do you feel about that simple, yet extremely provocative sign? Adulthood…do you think its a myth? Why must we put men down in order to bring women up?

Safe Dating – What is it?

19 Mar

Safety. For whatever reason, it isn’t something I ever consciously think about. I’m not sure why…it could be that I’m just so clumsy safety precautions don’t seem to be useful.

I’m not even sure if I know what “safe” is sometimes.

I’ve decided to try an online dating site, and perform a sort of social experiment in the meantime, that is focused on the date more than the person. It takes the pressure off, which I like. Basically, I make up a date, and if someone thinks it would be fun, they connect with me. If someone else makes up a date I think would be fun, I connect with them. Simple.

Except…what makes a “safe” date? Dinner and a movie? Boring.

What about going for a drive with someone? They always say to not pick up hitch-hikers. Or going to someone’s house? You are only one step away from being held hostage in their basement.

These things don’t scare me, but I wonder if they should.

What is acceptable territory for going on a date with someone you’ve never? What would you steer clear of doing? If you partake in something a little more risky, what safety measures do you increase to combat that?

Consent and Consequences

14 Dec

This is not my first blog about this, and will undoubtedly be my last.

But I want to talk about rape culture, sexual assault/harassment, and consent.

It seems easy enough…right? Consent is consent. You need consent. Problem solved.

Wellllllllll…not so fast.

I could even argue that there are some gray lines with rape. But I won’t. Not today.

The reason I bring this up because the words “assault” and “harassment” and “consent” all make me feel victimized, which is not something I like to feel. You are a victim of assault. A victim of harassment. All because you didn’t give your explicit consent. Here are three scenarios for you to think about:

Stranger slaps your ass.
Person you are hanging out with takes your hand to hold it.
1st date kisses you.

All of these have [sort of] happened to me. Does it matter the relationship of the person? Must you explicitly tell them that something is okay…or does it have to happen once followed by a firm “no”?

The reason I ask is because if a stranger slaps your ass, is it consensually different than if your SO does? Most people say well, yes…it is very different but when do you give your consent if your SO smacks your butt? You COULD do an SO agreement like Sheldon and Amy on Big Bang Theory. OR you could wait until it happens, then tell them no, but that kind of defeats the purpose of consent. Finally, your SO could ask if he/she could slap your ass prior to the slapping.

I don’t expect anyone, ever to take such measures. It borderlines crazy.

That is how I feel about things like kissing, and holding hands, too.

Because apparently, if someone kisses you without asking, that is sexual assault? Harassment? I don’t know the difference. I think a strong part of being assaulted or harassed is the emotional feeling it causes, and I can’t say I’ve ever had that feeling from someone kissing me without asking first. I’m not a victim of anything.

I think it adds drama, unnecessarily. I also don’t think it promotes rape culture.

I also think it would be super awkward if someone asked me if they could kiss me or hold my hand.

Person: Can I kiss you?
Me: *looks around* Uh…sure…

Followed by what would probably be the most awkward kiss in the world.

It doesn’t seem fair to me that women (and probably some men, too) are doing so much to make consent sexy. Yes. You should not be forced to have sex against your will. But a kiss? A held hand? I don’t think it is necessary.

Thoughts?

12 Nov

The lady loins want what the lady loins want.

Boudoir with Your Bridesmaids

28 Apr

Photography is something I hold close to me, and while I have my strengths, I also have many weaknesses.

Like anything, photography requires practice and exposure, so often enough I find myself browsing pictures of people and things to see what I might be missing in my own photography, or how I can expand what I work with. Most recently, I’ve been perusing through a boudoir photography website, where I’ve found some very neat ideas.

One photo-set I came across was of a bride and her bridal party. While the idea of taking pictures like this with your closest friends sounds like it could be super fun, it sounds like it could be equally as awkward. Regardless of the experience, I just don’t understand what you do with the pictures after you take them. And if you don’t do anything with them, I don’t know why you would take them in the first place.

You just end up having pictures of you and your friends half-naked. And I don’t imagine you would give those to your husband.

The picture up at the top is one example that I found. It looks like it could be really fun. Yay for celebrating feminine friendships. But then you have this one:

Granted, these two ladies could be lovers, but if they aren’t…what do you do with this picture?

To check out the rest of the pictures in each session, go ahead and click on the picture.

Would you ever have a sexy boudoir photo session with your friends and/or bridesmaids? What do you do with these pictures after you take them? Naughty or nice; Natural or urban…what’s your boudoir style?

Free-Boobing

26 Apr

As I was driving the other day, I saw a man walking down the street without a shirt. Not that unusual of a sight, right?

It made me think about the desire of some women to want to be able to walk around without a shirt and bra, just like men can. It’s just not fair that we have to cover our nipples, while men just get to let the sun and wind wash over theirs.

But who are these women who want to run around bare-breasted?

I would never feel comfortable enough to walk around without a shirt or bra on, and I don’t know if I’ve met a woman who would. So who are all of these women who we are “fighting” for, if no women want to walk around bare-breasted? I guess it really isn’t that simple, because while our current generation may not want to walk around like this, if we developed an acceptance for it, our daughters and grand-daughters might just be comfortable enough to do it regularly.

If we are trying to solve this problem (and believe me when I say that I’m not ready to fight for this one), we have to get to the root of why its a problem in the first place. The only reason I’ve gathered that women aren’t able to go topless is because boobs are considered organs related to sexual gratification. Here’s my problem with that argument:

Aside from the poor quality of this picture, and the fact that it was taken via a mirror…mmmm. A nice, normal looking fellow that just might be walking down the street without a shirt on on a hot day.  And you are going to sit here and tell me that this is any less sexual than a woman with boobs? No way. When I see some attractive fellows hanging out without a shirt on, my mind instantly moves to how much I want to put my hands all over that.

Maybe men should have to wear shirts all the time, too. Then women won’t have anything to complain about. Because I really, really don’t want to see women walking around without a top on. I can barely deal with women who aren’t wearing a bra, let alone neither a shirt nor a bra. Uncomfortable.

Or, if that just isn’t enough hair for you, here’s some more, along with some bulge action:

And just in case that’s a little too much hair for your liking, or not ripped enough, here you go:

You’re welcome.

What do you think about the women-need-to-go-topless-like-men problem? Would you ever do this walking down the street? Do you know any woman who would? Is the basis for the argument really just to be equal to men, and if so, why shouldn’t we just say men have to be equal to us? Do you care either way?