Tag Archives: sex

On the Subject of Dating…Why Not Talk About Orgasms?

20 Dec

Come one, come all! (See what I did there?)

I invite you to read this article, which seems to think that vaginal orgasms are a myth? Click me.

In summary, lady has lots of sex to try to get a vaginal orgasm, and comes to the conclusion that a) they don’t exist, b) if they do exist, they aren’t worth it, c) anal orgasms aren’t worth it either.

Now, if you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know that I tell all (for the most part) and may even overshare on occasion. I don’t really have much on my end to add to the conversation (until you actually engage me, then we can discuss), but I will say there were stages I went through when I read this.

Stage 1: Curiosity. Vaginal orgasms don’t exist? Science? Is that you?
Stage 2: Confusion. But…are you sure? Cause *looks down*. I think you’re wrong. But…*looks up* are you sure????
Stage 3: Paranoia. Is my whole life a lie? It’s all made up! It’s all in my head. Does this mean I’m crazy? Am I in a weird sex coma where things aren’t what they seem? Anyone? SOMEONE!?
Stage 4: Anger. DON’T LIE TO ME! I KNOW WHAT I’VE FELT!! How dare you make me question my vagina!
Stage 5: Acceptance? Lady sounds crazy and kind of bitter. Thus, I declare a), b), and c) false.

 

Your turn! Do you believe vaginal orgasms to be a myth? Experience to share to support your thoughts? 

Adult? Myth.

9 Apr

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Just today, I sat down to my computer and I saw the above picture was on my Facebook feed, provided by a really great woman I’m friends with. Despite its simple assemblage of words, it was meant to be provocative. While I concur, I really doubt that the thoughts it has provoked in my mind are quite what was meant when someone taped that piece of paper to that window.

My first thought kind of bypassed everything and while I don’t consider myself someone who exploits men sexually, I do find that I’m just as distracted by attractive men as men are by attractive women.

Once I posted my self-designated “awkward comment”, I started to realize that more than a glance was needed to decipher this piece of paper.

Right away we are setting ourselves up to believe that this male-stereotype is true, and perpetuating ill-will toward men. All the while, the author sets us up to feel that women are seen as sub-human and sexually exploited.

I feel sad for woman-kind if I’m in the minority with this sentiment, but I’ve never thought to myself Michelle…that person is trying to sexually exploit you. Ever. I’ve never felt sub-human, either.

The same women who tell me that feminism isn’t about man-bashing (when I tell them I’m not a feminist, I’m an equalist) are just perpetuating the belief that all men want sex and only sex. These same women are telling us, via this picture, that men never get slack about their bodies.

While I wish someone on this fair planet could say no one has ever had a problem with their body, it just isn’t true. Let me tell you a quick story from 7th grade…

Once upon a time, I was sitting in class with my less-than-favorite teacher and a classroom full of other 7th graders. A boy in my class was wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves cut-off. It looked a little something like this:

Unfortunately for him, guns were against school policy in more ways than one, so he was told he needed to change. Much to everyone’s surprise, when the horrible witch secretary told him this, he retaliated. You see, she, too had the guns out that day. Her shirt looked a tad like this:

Unfortunately, no one listens to a 7th grader’s logic, so even though what he said made SO much sense, he had to change anyway. She didn’t have a good response, other than she was a woman and he was a boy. 

Catch my drift? And if you still don’t believe that men are sexualized then go to Google and drool over some male underwear models.

Once you’re done with that…see what I did there? Drool. Degrading men with my eyes again. Case and point – just stop with this “men never…women always…” or “men always…women never…” stuff. It isn’t making the case for feminism any better because nothing is 100%.

Now that I’ve made that point, I always felt provoked to tell you about sex. Not in the birds and the bees kind of way…but in the I’m-a-sexual-creature-and-I’m-okay-with-that kind of way. Humans. We are all about the sex. I’m an intensely sexual being and so are you. We look and we enjoy. We indulge. For some reason, we are stuck on this whole idea that it is okay for me to look at a man without a shirt on and ogle but it isn’t okay to ogle at a girl who is (I can only assume based on this picture) working out in revealing clothing (sports bra and short-shorts, perhaps?). You might read that and say…”well, that isn’t true at all!” but yes, yes it is. We hide it by the fact that we say we don’t consider men as visually stimulating sexually as we do women, but that is just a huge lie.

I’ll save my rape culture rant for a different day, because this is already a pretty hefty blog. That brings my to my final point, which is the namesake for this blog…

The definition of an adult is fictional. The author of this provocative speech on a piece of paper on a window is speaking of sexualizing young girls, but just as I am a sexual being now, I was a sexual being at the age of 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. The only difference between my at 13 and me at 25 lies in the fact that I now have to buy my own food and pay bills, along with some actual hard and fast sexual experience I found along the way. My pattern of speech may be more polished now, but had I not been probably too-logical about love and lust at such a young age, I would have totally gotten it on with anyone. Middleschoolers. Highschoolers. College guys. They were all super-sexy and I lusted after all of them. If our government didn’t have this arbitrary line that says you’re an adult at 18 (ish), I firmly believe that people would reach “adulthood” at their own paces. There is precedence for 13 and 14 year old girls getting married off, and while I bet they would have liked more say in the matter of who, I could say that I knew who I was and what I wanted at that age.

We get jaded as we get older. The bills and the work and having to wear pants…it screws with us. We forget that we have been horny over-sexualized little beings since we hit puberty. 10 years later, friends can’t tell the difference between pictures of me now and pictures of me at 15, and what does that tell you? That sexualizing me now is also sexualizing me at 15, which is apparently wrong? I can’t say on good conscience that finding a 16 year old girl physically attractive is wrong. The only thing that could be wrong is what happens next.

Do you firmly believe I’m crazy yet? How do you feel about that simple, yet extremely provocative sign? Adulthood…do you think its a myth? Why must we put men down in order to bring women up?

Aside 28 Feb

I would make sweet, sweet love to David Duchovny. And by “sweet, sweet love” I mean I would fuck him so hard.

The Meaning of Life

17 Jan

I was approached, today, by a long-time friend of mine who simply asked me what is the meaning of life?

As an agnostic atheist, the meaning of life is not clear as it may be to others. I’ve met gnostic atheists who say there is no meaning to life other than the biological need to reproduce. Many theists (read: religious folk) say that the only reason for our perpetual existence is serving a higher being.

And because it is unclear, it is something I’ve spent much of my time pondering.

I’m also a scientist, and as such, I can tell you that humans are animals, and are thus subject to many of the same principles all animals are subjected to. These being the essence of survival: intake (food, water), excrete, and reproduce. Reproduction is the essence of all animal life, which is why, although our planet is vastly overpopulated and we are basically killing our own kind, humans continue to have offspring. That, in a nutshell, could be the meaning of life. Humans just happen to have developed opposable thumbs and a conscious, or we wouldn’t be thinking about why we exist.

That’s how I’ve come to my conclusion about the meaning of life.

The meaning of life is about the human connection. We’ve already supported that with our brief discussion of reproduction, but it’s more than that, too. It’s about gaining knowledge and sharing knowledge. It’s about being kind and sharing ourselves with others. If I can inspire one person, whether it is to be kinder to others, or to learn something knew, then I’ve made a difference. If I can teach someone something, I’ve made a difference. Even if my smile at a stranger in a grocery store can brighten their day, I’ve made a difference.

Why else do humans spend so much of their time with others, exchanging stories and asking advice? It’s all about spreading the wealth of knowledge, and making our journey in this life about the journey, not the destination. I think that is what many of us get caught up in, is the destination. You know…living life through God so that we have a beautiful afterlife with rainbows and butterflies and unicorns (because what’s heaven without unicorns!??). But that isn’t good enough. We are here now, and we need to make the best of it.

From my point of view, if you live this life trying to teach, help, and be kind to others then whatever your belief, you win. How can a Christian God send someone who has lived their life virtuously, but was Buddhist, or Jewish, or Atheist, to anywhere other than this heaven place? That doesn’t sound like a being that is amazing, and forgiving, and wonderful. That sounds like a judgmental, power-hungry dictator.

Living life to it’s fullest. Gaining knowledge and wisdom. Giving knowledge and wisdom. Connecting to each other. Showing kindness to all. Sharing stories and giving advice. That’s what life is about. Growing as an individual, to grow as a culture.

And sex. Lots and lots of sex. It is our biological prerogative, after all.

What do you think is the meaning of life?

The Numbers of Finding “The One”

1 Dec

Out of a whim, and the fact that I am so over being single, I decided to look up the average number of men a woman dates before finding “the one”. And let’s face it – dating sucks! At least, from my perspective. I don’t like meeting new people, I don’t like feeling rejected, and I don’t like being vulnerable.

The number: not so simple.

The numbers I found all seem to be referencing the same study, done in the UK. But they break the numbers down, so it isn’t necessarily an even “10 people”. This is what that looks like:

  • Kisses with 15 men.
  • Two long-term relationships.
  • Heartbreak, twice.
  • Seven dates, plus two blind dates and two dates with someone from the Internet.
  • Four disaster dates.
  • Being stood up once.
  • One live-in relationship.
  • Four one-night stands.
  • Seven sexual partners.

Soooooo…apparently I’m lacking. If I take my first kiss, which happened 8 years ago…and we just go off of kisses…it’s going to be 12 years before I get married.

Good thing life doesn’t happen so precisely.

My list looks a little more like this:

  • Kissed 6 men.
  • Two long-term relationships.
  • Heartbreak…umm…like…my heart hurts? Twice? 3 Times? Like…I was in a relationship and we broke up and I was devastated? Once. Like…I liked someone or was in a relationship with someone and got rejected and felt sad? Who even knows.
  • Umm…2 dates? Maybe? Neither of them might have counted… plus one blind dates, which I also don’t know if it was a date…and…I dated someone from a book…not the internet, though. But that was the same guy as the blind date…I guess…
  • No disaster dates, unless you count on being on a bus or in a car with a stranger a date…
  • Been stood up [almost] once.
  • One live-in relationship, I think? Does living together, then starting to date count? It wasn’t really planned…
  • One, one night stand.
  • Zero sexual partners? Are we talking sexually intimate, or are we talked full on ‘he put his penis in my vagina’ sexual partners?

Sounds like I’m a little behind. Hopefully not 12 years behind, and hopefully I don’t have to kiss another 9 men, have 3 more one-night stands, OR have seven more sexual partners before I meet my husband.

That sounds like a lot of work. Too much work.

How do your numbers compare? What were your numbers like (if you’re already married)? Do you think there could be statistically significant differences between the UK and the US?

12 Nov

The lady loins want what the lady loins want.

Right Guy, Wrong Time

21 Sep

I want to say that I hear about this all the time…girl meets guy, guy is amazing, but its just not the right time in her life, or she is too busy, or work or whatever.

But I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard this line outside of a movie.

For the first time in my life, however, I feel like this is just the case. I want nothing more than to find a nice fellow for myself, but it just isn’t the right time. I even want it to be the right time, but it isn’t.

Had I had a significant other before my dad got diagnosed with cancer, I would be so grateful right now – someone to comfort me, someone to be supportive when I just feel like I can’t move forward, just someone – but that isn’t the case. Even though I would love to have all of that right now instead of struggling to keep my head above water, I know that if I started a relationship right now I would be neglectful and needy.

That isn’t to say that I wouldn’t rule out love, if it just so happened to fall in my lap. I just don’t have the ability to seek it out. I find myself in my down time sometimes thinking ‘I should do this to get a SO’ or ‘I should put the moves on him’ and then I snap myself back to reality and get this gut feeling that its a horrible idea and sounds like a lot of work.

That is a statement I’ve never said before either: Relationships are hard work. Never before have I felt that way. Amazing, isn’t it?

Fortunately, there is nothing that sways my belief that if it is the right person, it will come in the right time.

Have you ever felt that it really, truly just wasn’t the right time to start a relationship? Was there someone courting you, and how did you handle that?