Tag Archives: reconnecting

The Art of Forgiveness

1 Mar

Anyone who says forgiveness is anything less than an art has never had to forgive someone of something monumental.

Forgiveness. It comes in many forms, and sometimes comes with “forgetting”, though I don’t know if that part is every truly enacted. Acceptance is probably better to do than forget, because if you accept you no longer have to feel the pain or frustration or whatever emotion is tied to the forgiveness.

Sometimes, we will forgive someone almost instantly. Say someone accidentally trips me, or smashes my hand in something…acceptance is almost immediate, and forgiveness isn’t even questioned.

Then, you find yourself in a situation similar to myself.

A very long, long time ago I had a friend, who I cut out of my life. It was partially intentional, and partially just the course of life. There weren’t any single events that caused my decision to do this, but rather a series of events that showed me how unhealthy our relationship was. No matter how many times I would forgive her, I could never fully accept the state of things. Thus, they kept piling on one another, as did the emotions tied to these events.

It was almost sudden, how our friendship ended. And I know that I made the right choice, because the time following were wonderful and amazing, and I didn’t have any of that toxicity in my life.

But now, older as I find myself, acceptance has brightened my past. I no longer feel the emotions that were once tied to all the things I kept forgiving. When and how that happened, I am unsure. What I am sure of, is that while I can look back to that point in my life and no longer feel pain, frustration, and guilt, I can still look back and feel the pleasure of when times were good. We shared some really good moments, and I know that I owe part of who I am to this former friend.

With this almost rose-colored view of our friendship comes a subtle desire to re-connect. I don’t know if she would be interested, and I don’t know how similar we are to our former, high school selves. Without her in my life, I do lack the ability to reminisce on what happened to be so many nights with just the two of us. But opening that door is scary, too. Obviously, there was a problem with our relationship, as I never forget. It’s hard to say if that problem would still exist and if having her back in my life would be healthy.

I just want to open the door slightly, and peek inside, but I don’t know if there is a way to do that. Something tells me this is either all or nothing.

Do you say “forgive and forget” or another variation? If you’ve cut someone out of your life, do you ever let them back in? Why? What do you think of the saying “if there was a problem then, there will be a problem now”?

How to Avoid Being A Creeper

15 Apr

The other day (sometime last week), I ran into a person who lived on the same floor in the dorms as me. I haven’t seen him for 2 years, and I was pleasantly surprised! We very briefly chatted, and as he left I shouted for him to drop me a message on Facebook. His reply: “I don’t have a Facebook!” It made so much more sense. I had looked for him just a few weeks before this, and was upset at the thought that he had deleted me from Facebook(I thought we got along well enough).

I got home later that evening, and struggled to remember his last name. When I finally remembered it, I went on to the college directory and looked him up. I really wanted to hang out again, but with no phone number and no Facebook, I had no way to contact him, so I decided to see if I could get his email address. Success. I sat down that night and wrote out an email in which the first line was something similar to “I know I’m being a little bit of a creeper, but…”

When I recounted this story to a close friend, she immediately called me a creeper for looking up his email address. I told her I had put that in the first sentence, and then I explained my actions. The way I see it, if he thought I was being a creeper, he would ignore my email and I wouldn’t hear from him again (it had already been 2 years, so no harm done). If he was okay that I looked him up, then we would be able to hang out and catch up.

Well, guess what happened? He emailed me back, and we may be hanging out next week.

With the technology that today has to offer, there are an infinite number of ways to find out what so-and-so is doing (Facebook and Twitter to name a few) and with the development of these social sites has come about the term “Facebook stalking” (or just stalking..or being a creeper…you know). Don’t deny it. We’ve all been there.  

And despite the abundance and use of social websites, people who seek out information about other people are still called “creepers” or “stalkers”.

The only way to not be called one of these names: Don’t use social networking sites.

Seems counter-intuitive, right?

Without using Facebook, I had to find a way to reconnect with my friend, or it was likely we would never reconnect. I think it was completely acceptable to look up his email address. There was a time in which we had to look peoples numbers and addresses up in the phone book to find them. It wasn’t considered creepy then, so why should it be considered creepy now?

And as for social networking sites…if someone doesn’t want you to know something about them, they won’t post it. Everything else is fair game. People don’t post pictures and status updates so they can look at them; they post because they want other people to be involved with their life, and be up to date on whats going on. This being said, there is absolutely no reason why looking at someone’s profile should be considered “stalking” unless its excessive and inappropriate.

Do you agree that looking at peoples posts on social networking sites isn’t creepy? Do you think looking up my friend like I did was creepy?