Tag Archives: picture

An Open Letter to Any Guy That’s Sent Me A Dick Pic (NSFW, Obviously)

18 Feb

Ever. Or wanted to send me a dick pic. Or has sent any other woman an unsolicited picture of your genitalia. To any guy that has whipped out his dong in front of me. And any dude who thought it was okay to tell me any number of reasons why I needed his penis in or around my body. 

 

Dear member of the male sex,

One could only hope to call you a gentleman, because for the aforementioned reasons I guarantee that you are not, in fact, a gentleman.

My only fault in this weird, I-say-hi-and-you-respond-by-showing-me-your-wiener relationship was trying to create an atmosphere that you could express yourself, without fear of judgment. Without fear of condemnation or exile.

I was wrong. I know that now.

You could have sent me a tasteful picture of your tattoo, or a nice selfie of you and your dog (or cat *swoon*), or even a mirror-picture of you lifting up your shirt in  your bathroom. Any of those would have gotten me off more quickly than a picture of that dangly thing between your legs. And let me just say, no woman on earth needs a picture of a limp dick. Ever. That’s not even last on the list of things we want a surprise picture of. It didn’t even make the list, actually.

I’ll also say that the phrase “What’s up?”, however tempting, is not an invitation for you to immediately send a picture of your boner to me.  Nor is “Whew. I thought that was going to be a dick pic”.

As I admit fault to you, I will acknowledge that I may have also been lying to myself. I should have been the judgmental bitch God created me as, so I’ll say this: Yes, your fantasies are weird. No, I don’t like it. Your dong isn’t any more exciting than any other dudes dong. If I wanted to touch it, this wouldn’t be a text conversation. No, your penis is not the biggest penis I’ve ever seen. Yes, it could be the smallest.  Your massive untamed bush isn’t helping anything. To the boyfriends – I don’t appreciate the sentiment. 

And my ass? It is perfectly able to be handled by folks other than long, strong, black men. Free tip: opening doors, complimenting me, saying please and thank you, and taking a genuine interest in my hobbies is a great way to handle this ass (note: I said nothing about length, strength, or monochromatism, however, being a man is a requirement for handling this ass).

P.S. I have retained copies of every cock-ridden text I’ve ever received, just in case you piss me off at some point in the future.

Forever yours,
Not-interested-in-your-disembodied-dong

Body Image: My Perspective

12 Sep

Body image in respects to having a “positive” or “negative” view of it is shaped by how we think other people see us, how we see ourselves, and how we think we should see ourselves. Hypothyroidism and weight gain go hand in hand, and I’ve struggled my entire life with both. Part of my struggle with the way I see myself, is that what I see in the mirror, what I see in pictures, and what I look at when I’m just sitting here or walking around and I look down. And before you read on, please understand how personal body image is.

That girl in the picture? Such is a fat kid (I refer to myself as a fat kid in the most endearing way possible).

That girl in the mirror? Definitely a chunk.

That girl I see when I look down? So average-sized.

I can’t really explain why the three images are so different. It does bring to light how altered the images of those with anorexia and bulimia are. If you haven’t thought about it, I challenge you to do so. What I see when I look down gives me sort of a “skinny girl” outlook. The way I hold myself, my confidence, and how I dress all reflect that. The person I see when I look in the mirror is what makes me confident to smile at people walking down the street. What I see in pictures is what causes me to assume that men have no interest in me as I pass them on the street, and how I accept that I am no 10.

So with that, I bring you what I see, when I look down. I’m sure that my perception of these pictures and your perception of these pictures is different, but I think its interesting, nonetheless. This is how I see myself:

 

 

How do you see yourself? 

My Journey Through Music: Ska

8 Aug

 

Here are the 10 artists I listened to for ska:

First wave ska:
Skatalites
Toots and Maytals

Second wave ska:
The Specials
Madness

Third wave ska:
Operation Ivy
Aquabats
Mighty, Mighty Bosstones
Mustard Plug
Streetlight Manifesto
Hepcat

So far, this has been the most difficult genre to pick songs for. Thanks to @Thebraziliandude and my good friend Tori, I had way more than 10-15 artists to choose from. I also knew several of the bands previously (not well, mind you) such as Aquabats, Mighty, Mighty Bosstones, Streetlight Manifesto, and some others that didn’t get chosen. I couldn’t decide whether I should explore the bands that I knew more, or if I should find new bands all together. Ultimately, I ended up cutting up pieces of paper and drawing all the third wave artists (I only had a few first and second wave, so they were in by default). I was very excited at the outcome.

Once again, a genre has supported the idea that I’m not a huge fan of the pioneers in that genre. I’ve yet to figure out why. It might be that when I listen to “oldies”, I listen for a very specific sound. It might also be that I like a more well-defined, polished sound that comes later after a genre has gotten its footing. Either way, first and second wave ska wasn’t my cup of tea. I listened to Freedom Sounds and Latin Goes Ska by the Skatalites back to back, which are both instrumentals, and it was too much only seconds in to Latin Goes Ska. I can appreciate instrumentals as a musician, but I wouldn’t be able to listen to that for any extended period of time. I didn’t really like the Toots and the Maytals at all, probably because it was more reggae in my ska than I’d like, and Bam Bam was the only song I could really get into at all.

Up next on the playlist were the Specials. They were definitely a step in the right direction. Four of their seven songs I listened to, I liked. Too Much, Too Young, Concrete Jungle, Blank Expression, and Little Bitch all had qualities that I liked, whether it was the upbeat music of Too Much, Too Young (my favorite) or the lyrics of Blank Expression. They only had one song I didn’t like, which I had to fight myself not to change: Gangsters. As for Madness, I was really unimpressed. Their sound as a whole reminded me of your stereotypical 80’s band. When I finally recognized My House, I was even more turned off. Its obviously a catchy song, because every commercial about houses everywhere uses it in their promotions, but that was the end of what I thought about it.

I liked second wave more than first, and the pattern continued because I likelove third wave. The first song I listened to by Operation Ivy was Sound System, and I instantly knew that third wave was for me. Although I didn’t like Bombshell at all, everything else was felt on a positive note. Their songs were extremely short, which almost left something to be desired, but overall I have no major complaints. I was kind of indifferent about the Aquabats. I didn’t feel really great or really terrible after listening to any of their songs, but because of that I feel a little let down. I’ve heard people rave about them. Next, I got to listen to my much loved Mighty, Mighty Bosstones.

They were Amazing.

I loved all of their songs. If I had to pick a favorite of the ones I listened to, it would probably be Noise Brigade, but I liked them all so much I couldn’t truly say that one was my favorite.

Mustard Plug was also pretty good. I wasn’t a huge fan of Skankin’ By Numbers, but it was alright. I especially liked Lolita, and Everyday Girl even moreso (its a personal favorite of all music now). Streetlight Manifesto is on about the same level as Mighty, Mighty Bosstones with me. I knew a few of their songs previously, and I really liked them. I started my Streetlight Manifesto playlist with Better Place, Better Time, and I was instantly in love with them. All of their songs were fantastic. Hepcat didn’t really inspire any great thoughts in me, much like Aquabats. I liked Dance Wid Me a lot, and although No Worries was different, it wasn’t bad by any means.

In my mind, ska was a complete success. I found several new favorite songs, and I feel much more comfortable saying that I like ska. I did find a new website that I believe I will be using for the rest of my musical endeavors. Its called Top 50 Songs and I think it worked well enough.

Do you like ska? What wave do you like best? Have you been listening along?