Tag Archives: peace

Why the Single Life isn’t for Me

12 Sep

This post is in response to @buddy71, who on my previous post The Road to Peace, was interested in why having a significant other is so important to me.

It is a common question, especially from folks who either “love being single” or are currently in a relationship and “miss being single”. My disclaimer is as follows: I am a strong, independent, whole human being. I know who I am and I know what I want in life. I know where I’m going and where I’ve been. A significant other, while nice, does not define who I am, just as my choice in music does not define who I am.

The reason having a significant other is so important to me is actually quite simple. If you take all of the things I am and all of the things I do, you’ll find that some people bring out certain things more than others. I’ll use my love of video games and my love of being outside as an example. When I have strong relationships in my life, one of those may lie “dormant”. This means that if my best friend (or lover, or close sibling, etc) loves video games, I’m going to spend much more time playing video games than if my best friend (etc.) loves going hiking (in which case, video games are more likely to lay dormant because I’m spending so much time outside). Neither is more “right” or “better”, I am just able to express different parts of myself at different times.

This is why I like having a significant other. While my love for video games is great, as is my love for being outside, my desire to have someone to care for and love is a much more integral part of who I am. It is a part of myself that is very difficult to express without having a nice fellow in my life.

And it is a part of myself that I very much like to express, akin to my love of animals, and my quest for knowledge.

So yes, I am whole. That part of me is inside, and while unable to be fully expressed, I find myself caring very deeply for friends and very passionate about the things that I do. I just would like the ability to fully express it.

What are some pieces of yourself that are integral to your being? Do you ever find yourself in a similar situation to mine?

The Road to Peace

10 Sep

To say that I’ve been struggling lately is quite the understatement, as the universe seems to have handed me the perfect storm. Feeling the need to find a new job is one thing, as is feeling the need to move. But the overwhelming urgency to find a new job, a new car, a new place to live in a new town, a boyfriend, and wanting to get rid of your pets without the support of friends, said boyfriend, or said pets is a different story entirely.

I’m no stranger to this, though, and after a somewhat embarrassing gush of emotion to a friend I discovered that nothing would change unless I centered myself and focused my efforts on something. The problem isn’t these things. 

The problem was me.

I spread myself so thin worrying about all of these things, that everything was crumbling and slipping through my fingers, no matter how desperately I tried to hold on and pick up the pieces.

I needed to do some soul-searching and find my center again. Most people wouldn’t describe me as “spiritual”, if for no other reason than the fact that I’m atheist.

I would, though. I am a very spiritual person.

[Some might also call me superstitious, but that is a story for another day.]

What did I do? Well, I sat down on my bed and did some brief meditating over my tarot cards, and I did 3 spreads. In those spreads, I found my answer. I found what I needed to let go of, and what I needed to work on. And it was wonderful.

The next day, I got home from work, and did my very first yoga session, armed with nothing but me, a towel, and a very excitable, very eager dog.

Rinse, and repeat.

Today, I had a tai chi session, followed by a yoga session, followed by a delightful session of writing. Sometimes you strive for so much control, that you begin losing control. That was where I was. The universe had different plans for me, and to gain the control I am looking for in my life, it just turns out I had to give up the control, first.

Peace of Mind

12 Sep

This weekend I was finally able to visit my father since the news of hiscancer. I was nervous at first, and then frustrated, but I’m really glad I went because even though the news hasn’t changed and progress hasn’t really been made, I have acquired some peace of mind.

The peace of mind came from two things. Two very simple things.

The first thing was something I’ve been contemplating since we found out. Should I or shouldn’t I move back to be with my family? My mom tells me just as frequently as I tell her that I should move back. While it definitely would have some perks, I find it hard to abandon my job and my home here to move back home where I may not find a job in my field. I decided that I would ask my dad, and whatever he said I would do. So I did. I’ll not be moving back. He said that there wasn’t anything I could do, and he loves me of course, but he also is pretty level-headed. And its true. I did spend every second I could with my dad on Thursday, but he was only awake for about 8 hours, so while me being there was nice it isn’t like he is spending 16 hours awake alone.

The second thing, which is probably more comforting, is what he said to me this morning before he left for a doctors appointment.

I’ll come up to see you soon. We’ll get this thing shrunken and I’ll come up. I’m going to fight this. I’m a fighter, Annie.

To see that fight still left in my dad was everything I could have asked for. Even if the treatment renders him unable to actually visit me, knowing that he hasn’t given up and wants to win his battle with cancer makes it all okay. And even if we all feel completely defeated right now, he gives me hope.