Tag Archives: obese

My First Week at the Gym

20 Jan

 

This is not an inspirational story.

I’m not going to tell you how to get the will to start working out.

But this is my story, so sit tight!

 

I have lived the majority of my life as a plus-size human being. When I was still a small child (5 and 6), I was broad, but I wasn’t overweight. I didn’t have a belly or rolls or chubby arms. But then, as life goes, my thyroid stopped working. Doctors don’t know why I was so young, but the weight started piling on. While I grew taller with ease, I was well overweight in 5th grade. I weighed 150 lbs and I was 5’5″. My mom struggled to find me pants.

At my lowest adult weight, I weighed 175 lbs at 5’7″ when I was a sophomore in high school. I was working my ass off during my extracurricular activities and didn’t have the time to eat, so naturally, the weight fell off.

Now, I’m at my highest. Post-sophomore year I remained at about 235 until the death of my father. Given the holidays at the time and the stress, I gained 15 lbs. Then another 10 lbs, and was sitting pretty at 250. That didn’t really change until early last year, when I could no longer afford my medication for my thyroid, the doctor’s visits to adjust my levels, and the lab tests to test my blood levels.

10 lbs…

20 lbs…

30 lbs…

I now sit at 280 lbs and had no way in sight on how to change that.

But then I got sick for the first time in like 5 years and made myself go to the doctor for antibiotics (ear infection). He didn’t prescribe me any, but he did kindly refill my prescription. I bit the bullet and paid for a 3 month supply I couldn’t really afford. My mood and energy levels improved greatly! Life was no longer as dismal an existance.

I felt myself listening to music in my car that was just pumping me up. I wanted to do THINGS. And ALL OF THEM.

Then, a few weeks later, I went to see a movie by myself courtesy of T-Mobile Tuesdays and got a free burrito courtesy of a friend. I sat down and I watched Moana, which now sits squarely in my top 3 favorite Disney movies. I felt so inspired and motivated to be a better me. I got in my car surged with new-found motivation and turned on some Eminem. By the time I got home, I was so pumped that I decided it was time to join a gym, cut my hair, stop drinking soda, and wake up early enough to do my makeup and hair before work.

There is nothing I’ve felt previously that I can compare this feeling to. There is no “you just have to want it badly enough”. There is no “say you’re going to do it, then DO IT”. I just reached a moment in my life that felt right. That felt like it was time. I don’t have to find the willpower to go to the gym. It’s just what I do. I barely have to resist drinking soda; I just drink water.

From personal experience, there is no amount of will I could have mustered to get myself into a gym. Or to run.

Yeah. I’m using the treadmill. And with some little encouragement from Macklemore and Eminem, I power through the tough moments. It’s been a week and I don’t really feel different and I’m sure I don’t look different, but I can run for a full minute! I didn’t think I could. I ran for 10 minutes yesterday! Who knew?

Now I just need to find an inhaler. One part of always being the fat kid means that when your chest hurts when you run, the doctors just think it’s because you’re overweight…not because you have exerise-induced asthama.

Body Image: My Perspective

12 Sep

Body image in respects to having a “positive” or “negative” view of it is shaped by how we think other people see us, how we see ourselves, and how we think we should see ourselves. Hypothyroidism and weight gain go hand in hand, and I’ve struggled my entire life with both. Part of my struggle with the way I see myself, is that what I see in the mirror, what I see in pictures, and what I look at when I’m just sitting here or walking around and I look down. And before you read on, please understand how personal body image is.

That girl in the picture? Such is a fat kid (I refer to myself as a fat kid in the most endearing way possible).

That girl in the mirror? Definitely a chunk.

That girl I see when I look down? So average-sized.

I can’t really explain why the three images are so different. It does bring to light how altered the images of those with anorexia and bulimia are. If you haven’t thought about it, I challenge you to do so. What I see when I look down gives me sort of a “skinny girl” outlook. The way I hold myself, my confidence, and how I dress all reflect that. The person I see when I look in the mirror is what makes me confident to smile at people walking down the street. What I see in pictures is what causes me to assume that men have no interest in me as I pass them on the street, and how I accept that I am no 10.

So with that, I bring you what I see, when I look down. I’m sure that my perception of these pictures and your perception of these pictures is different, but I think its interesting, nonetheless. This is how I see myself:

 

 

How do you see yourself?