Tag Archives: note

Truth Speak: Dorm Life, Why I Can’t Make Friends

12 May

All of the encounters we have in our day to day lives shape us into who we are. That doesn’t change as we get older; we just have more encounters under our belt.

The memory I’m about to share with you is actually a really painful memory, and unless I’ve blogged about it before (and forgotten) it isn’t something I share with many people.

I’ll start with saying that it hasn’t ever been easy for me to make friends, but it used to be easier. The biggest thing that usually stopped me was reservation and being introverted, which are pretty normal things. That also means I really value what friends I have, and I will go to the ends of the earth for my friends. I like to give as much as I can, but it is important for so many reasons – you send out positive vibes into the universe, and you’re not only happier, but you’re bound to get good back! Now, my story…

Five years ago, I was a sophomore in college living in the dorms. Things went really well when I first moved in. I met people and everyone seemed really cool and really nice. I have so many pictures from that year. I had a corner room, and we did all kinds of fun stuff in there, as I didn’t have a roommate. Life was good. It just so happens that I was living next to some really cute, really nice guys, which is the center of what happened.

I was interested in one of them, Rob. He was really nice, had a great smile, and was interested in things that I hadn’t been exposed to (which I find totally fascinating). Being the passive person I am, I was perfectly fine being friends. I knew I wasn’t going to ask him to date me, or make a move, or any such thing.

One day, we were talking, and he mentioned that he was super stressed and tired because he had so much to do for school that week. I decided to write him an encouraging note, because in college, we could all use some encouragement. I got out a purple marker and a piece of paper and wrote a simple note that said something along the lines of good luck with all your tests this week! I know you’ll do great! I stuck it under his door so he would see it before leaving for class, and went on my way.

The next day came and went, and no mention of the note. At one point, I saw it lying on the floor still, and couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t said anything. My question was answered by his neighbor on the other side, Marlena. I don’t remember why we were talking, or if there was a reason she brought it up, but she decided to tell me that I “needed to let up” because Rob said I was “starting to creep”.

At the time, it was hurtful, but nothing compared to how it feels now when I think back on it. I ended up grabbing the note when no one was looking, and ripping it up to throw in the trash.

The worst part? I never got to defend myself. Any attempt at the time was feeble at best, and I tried just to shake it off and forget about it. Little did I realize that 5 years later, I would hold back from attempting to make friends because asking someone to hang out made me feel like a predator. That’s real life, real time.

But I want them to know. I want them to know why, and how hurtful their words were.

Yes, I liked Rob. But I thought we were good enough friends that I could show him a nice gesture. That I could give him some encouragement in a rough time. I failed all but one of my classes that semester. I needed encouragement, and if I needed it, I knew others did, too. I wasn’t the first, though. Another girl on our floor had written at least a couple notes before, and taped them to his door. Was that my mistake? That I wanted to make sure he saw it before he went to class? I can’t figure out what made it creepy when I did it, but perfectly okay that she did. I had even heard him thank her for the nice note before, so when he didn’t even acknowledge that I reach out just made me feel terrible. I don’t even know why Marlena decided to tell me what she did, either. She wasn’t the nicest girl, but I can’t imagine someone wanting to make me feel that way when I hadn’t done anything to her. It doesn’t make sense that she would have said that to benefit me, though.

I hate that this has effected me as much as it has. I asked a coworker if she wanted to share a pizza with me after work and it caused me so much anxiety. I’m constantly worried that by reaching out to people to be friends, that they are going to label me the same. I don’t know how to get over this. I try to push myself out of my comfort zone, but even when I do hang out with these people, I still get anxiety when I think about continuing trying to be friends.

I really want this to reach these guys, one way or another. It probably won’t, but I think they deserve to know how their words affect others. I think deserve to defend myself. I think anyone could benefit from reading my story, too, because we tend to talk about others in less-than-positive ways. That can really impact someone, so spread the word.

Share so maybe it will reach these guys. Share so I can defend myself. Share so others might think twice about what they say when they talk about others. Any advice? I’m open.

Strangers & Harry Potter [and a Funny Tidbit About a Penis]

30 Aug

About a month ago, maybe a bit longer, I started re-reading the Harry Potter series. I checked the first book out from the public library, but when I went to get the second book, they were all checked out. Little did I know that when I checked out the second book from my university library, that I would find a note with a phone number (pictured above).

Fascinated and quite intrigued, the first thing I did was post it to Facebook asking if I should call it.

The response was overwhelmingly “YES!”

So I decided, sure. I was skeptical, considering this stranger’s name was Seamus, who just so happens to also be a character in the book. It could have very well been some Harry Potter fan’s idea of a little prank or joke.

Once I finished the 2nd book, I decided to text the number. If it was a joke, or if it was an old number, texting would be best either way. Very simply, I texted:

“Hi…this is Michelle and I am looking for a fellow named Seamus”

Indeed, a fellow named Seamus put a note in a book for folks to call him. And it just so happened that he was spending the summer doing organic farming in the south of France, so we moved the conversation over to email, so that it wouldn’t cost so much to chat.

A month and 5 days after I first sent that text message, we met at a local cider bar named Scrumpy’s.

Believe it or not, I wasn’t even slightly nervous. The great thing about meeting strangers is that there is absolutely no expectations to live up to. You go there, you be yourself, and either they like you or they don’t.

I get to the bar (slightly late…one of my fatal flaws) and he is already there, so I awkwardly ask if he is the person I’m looking for.

Luckily, the first person I asked was him (I had done a tad of background research). He was average height, with strawberry blonde hair accessorized with a strawberry blonde beard and brilliant blue eyes. He was wearing rather short shorts with a t-shirt that had a sewn on pocket in a cartoon dinosaur print.

It turns out he has already eaten, so he doesn’t get food, but they have the best cucumber dill dip so I had to get some. He gets the Hopricot and I get a flight, and we turn our conversation from Harry Potter to the south of France to our respective life goals and what we like to do.

I don’t consider it a date, but it very much went like I would expect a first date to go (with someone who I haven’t previously been friends with). Once we got our drinks and my dip, we tried to play Scrabble, but it was seriously lacking in letter tiles. Instead, we decided to play cards.

I asked him “weird or weirder?” He replied “weirder.”

You see…I always carry at least one pack of cards with me, and on this particular occasion I had two. One deck was a standard set of cards and the other, the weirder set, was a deck of Friskies cards with cat breeds on them.

So we played Rummy with the cat cards. He seemed amused.

After playing cards and chatting for a while longer, it turns out that he had plans at 9 o’clock (we got together at 7). I thought this was kind of odd, but who am I to judge. We got up and hugged (as I find customary), and I bid him off. Neither of us seemed to fully want to commit to hanging out another time, but we made the standard ‘oh yeah lets get together sometime’.

And now, the tidbit about the penis.

Immediately once he left, I texted a coworker friend (Brianne*) with a simple “that was interesting” because…well…it was. How can meeting a stranger not be interesting? Her phone was out of commission, though, so I didn’t get a response and went on my way to run a couple of errands.

As I’m getting gas for my car, I get a phone call from another coworker (Cale*) out of the blue. Curious and slightly confused, I answer. It turns out Brianne was hanging out with Cale, and she got my text message, and told him to respond. Our conversation went like this:

Brianne: What does that mean?
Me: What does what mean?
Brianne: Just the tip!
Me: What? Like…just the tip of the penis?
Brianne: What? Did he just whip it out?
Me: What? No?
Brianne: But you said it was interesting and then when Cale texted you what was interesting you said ‘just the tip’.

It turns out that Cale had texted the wrong Michelle, and she had responded back with “Just the tip”.

In all honesty, if you’ve read my stuff for awhile, or known me any length of time, you know that weirder things have happened.

But Seamus did not show me his wiener. He was a perfect gentlemen. He likes to get out of his comfort zone, be outdoors, speaks French fluently, and might want to be a teacher, or go into the peace core, or who knows. I haven’t heard from him, and I haven’t texted him. I don’t know if I will or not but he was quite nice and I thought we got along well enough.

His reason for putting the note in the book: People often recommend books to each other, and this is a way for books to recommend people.

Ever done anything like this? Ever went on a blind date? How did it go? Would you have called or texted the mysterious number? Are you sad that this isn’t yet another penis story? Should I text Seamus back?