Tag Archives: mom

Parents Kissing Kids, Too Sexual?

20 Sep

I found an article on my Facebook feed warning parents not to kiss their children on the lips because the child may perceive that as sexual or romantic in nature because Mommy and Daddy do it.

To that, I have to ask…why the hell do we have to over-sexualize everything?

Children do not have this perception of sexuality that adults do. When a child masturbates, it is simply because it feels good – the same type of good like the sun hitting your face or your feet on the grass. When a child sees Mommy and Daddy kissing, they don’t have this philosophical inner dialogue about the emotional and physical constitution of the kiss. They see two people loving each other. So when Mommy kisses her son or daughter on the mouth, she knows that Mommy loves her, and Mommy knows that she loves her back.

As fate would have it, I also have personal experience to support this.

When I was about 5, I got “in trouble” with my teacher because I kissed a little boy in my class. My parents are both amazing people, so they completely dismissed the teacher’s concern. Why? Simply because I was showing affection toward him, just like I did my parents.

I can also speak from experience that as you discover your sexuality, you do become aware that you are kissing your parents on their lips, and you naturally gravitate toward a newer, more “acceptable” place – the cheek. The lips then become reserved for lovers. (I will hold that in moments of sweet innocence, we sometimes will revert back to that youthful kiss on the lips.)

I question this psychologists relationship with her parents, too. I have a relationship that if I go home, at the age of 25, and find one or both of my parents laying down watching TV in their bed, I will still crawl into bed with them and snuggle. I’d even say that I’m a very needy 25-year-old child, as I’m constantly asking my parents for hugs. I wouldn’t be surprised if she thinks this behavior odd, too.

Do you think we over-sexualize things? Is it acceptable to kiss parents on the lips? Is it confusing? 

Overprotective Parents

14 Aug

I wouldn’t generally consider my parents overprotective, but growing up with overprotective parents is much different than having overprotective parents as an adult.

I’ve always been a very independent person, and my parents have always acknowledged that and respected it. So when they pull the we’re worried about you card all of a sudden, it kind of catches me off-guard.

Not that I don’t think they worry about me. I know they do, but when they try to interfere with what I’m doing, that’s when it gets weird.

I’m planning a trip in September that involves 4 nights/5 days of hiking and camping, and I’m doing it alone. Apparently my mom and dad don’t like that idea, because when I called my mom a couple of days ago, she requested that I sleep in hotels instead.

They don’t want me to camp alone. It’s understandable why someone would worry, but I can’t afford 4 hotels. They can’t afford 4 hotels. I just don’t understand how they can expect this.

In one hand, my parents are basically offering to pay for 3 nights of hotels for me. On the other hand, I was kind of excited to camp for 3 nights. It’s really bothering me, and I don’t know what to do or how to handle it. My parents have never interfered with plans like this before. I can’t help but feeling like they don’t understand that I have no one to go with (which is kind of embarrassing to admit); I don’t think I know anyone who would actually make an effort to go with me.

Should I give in to my parents request and sleep in hotels instead of camping? Should I just camp, and how do I tell them to get over their worrying? Ever had a situation where your parents/friends/significant others do things way out of character? How did you handle it?

30 Day Letter Challenge: Dear Mom and Dad

12 Jun

Dear Mom and Dad,

I love you.

You’ve been such a source of strength throughout my entire life. You are the balance – the yin and the yang – that we all need in our lives.

And I’m lucky enough to have it.

I wish every day that you would move up here. It almost breaks my heart being so far away from you both, and while its good for me, sometimes I think that I do too many things that are good for me.

You’ve taught me well, though. I don’t know if it’s the stubborness I’ve received from you both, or the good values you’ve given me, but regardless it’s because of you that I’ve never done drugs. I’ve never made poor life decisions. I’ve never been drunk.

Some would say that I’m missing out, but I would say that there is nothing in those things that I’m not happy to be missing out on.

There is one thing that I think you’ve taught me more than anything. Independence. Sometimes you call it lack of respect, but you have always allowed me to speak my mind and have adult conversations with you, and it means the world to me that you’ve done that. I respect you both so much, and I hope that you can see that if we ever argue – it’s not out of anger, or spite, but out of a respect to be able to appreciate you for all of the things you are – mother, father, human.

If there is one thing I hope I’ve given you, it’s pride in me. I strive each and every day to make you proud. That’s my girl! is something I want you to always be able to say.

I love you.

I miss you.

Always, Me

What People Thought of Me

8 Sep

Over the past 10 years of my life, I’ve went from “everybody knew me and what I did” to “I was nobody” to “I’m important, enough”.

Going through ups and downs like that in a social perspective can be taxing, and it also puts perspective on how much people think matters: not at all. Generally, people seem to like me enough, and I don’t really think there is any reason not to like me. The people who don’t like me tend to feel that way because I’m not intimidated by them, or because of my confidence – simple things.  I also don’t usually put up with peoples crap, or kiss peoples asses justso they like me. That’s part of the “I don’t care if you like me or not” mindset.

I do have a story for you, though. Let me set the mood: I was in high school. Who was I in high school? I was involved in everything, from class President, to Student Council President, to manager of football, basketball, and track, to volunteering, to being Winter Sports Queen, and maintaining a 4.0 while taking college classes. I was that girl. I didn’t drink, I didn’t do or try drugs of any kind, and I didn’t smoke. I was a virgin then, and still am. I was pretty much the straightest arrow you could find. I was also not afraid to make a stand, though, which is usually the reason why people didn’t like me.

I dated this guy, “Dave”. His mother, for whatever reason, hated me. She really had it out for me. While I was dating Dave, my friend “Kelly” was dating Dave’s brother, “Richard”. Their mother loved this girl. Kelly and I weren’t complete opposites, but we were on different ends of the spectrum, for sure, and she had been in her share of trouble. If you talked to their mother about us, I’m sure I would sound like a trouble-making, sexual deviant and Kelly would be this sweet, innocent angel.

Although it bothered me, I got over it. I was just as nice to that woman as I was to everyone else, but it didn’t matter. Now, with Dave behind me, its amazing how I ended up way above his mothers thoughts of me. She thought I was a terrible influence, but I’m the one who is in college to become a veterinarian. I’m the one who is an independent woman, living on her own, with her life on the exact path she had planned. Richard and Kelly’s lives (although separate) definitely had huge speed bumps involving drugs, babies, and rehab.  Don’t get me wrong, Dave, Richard, and Kelly are all great people with what I can only hope are great things ahead of them, but I was always the bad one, and it was never for anything I actually did, only what they thought I was doing.

I also can’t lie: It feels great to know that I’ve proved her completely wrong, whether she is aware of the fact or not.

Have you ever risen up against what people have thought you were to prove them absolutely wrong? Ever had a significant other whose parents didn’t like you? What were their reasons?

New Mommy Syndrome

3 Sep

 

This is my third attempt at writing this blog. I can only hope that this one is effective, but considering I’m past the first sentence, I’m off to a good start.

My new baby isn’t really a baby at all. He is a 2-year-old dog, who I’ve named Jazz, that I adopted two weeks ago, yesterday.

In my second week, I’ve become more adjusted to having a dog, but in no way is my new mommy syndrome gone. From the moment that I first got the call that Jazz was mine, up until about a week later, I was 30 seconds from breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably.  At the end of that week, being in worse shape than I started, I finally lost control of my emotions and broke down – at work no less. I pulled myself together the best I could, but when I got home I laid down on the couch with my new doggy and cried. I cried, and I cried, and I cried some more.

I was at wits end. I was afraid to leave my home. I was afraid to come home again. I couldn’t think about tomorrow, because the prospect of being tied down by a dog for the next 12 years was too overwhelming to think about. I didn’t eat for the first 3 days. I couldn’t sleep. With every moment he peed in the house, my hopelessness increased. Every poop was unbearable. Plain and simple: I was a total mess.

Unfortunately, Jazz’s story wasn’t simple. I couldn’t just take him back because I was overwhelmed. I couldn’t take him back because I realized I wasn’t a dog person. The truth is there was only one other option. Either I adopted him, or he was put to sleep. It was that outcome that pushed me to adopt him. I had to fight through the pain, just long enough to find the light.

Its been two weeks, and although that doesn’t seem like any respectable length of time, I still haven’t found the light I’ve been searching for. I can leave the house without being sick to my stomach, and I have been eating and sleeping normally, but my life is no where near anything remotely close to normal. I feel guilty when I spend time with my friends, and I feel guilty when I would rather take him out for 5 minutes to go potty, than walk him for 45. I feel guilty when I see how great of a dog he is, and he is great.

Sure, he is indifferent about most things dogs love. He could care less about tennis balls, rope toys, toys, or generally anything other than rawhide. It has its perks, and it means he doesn’t chew my furniture or shoes. He enjoys water, and likes the cats. He rarely barks or jumps. He likes other dogs and is easy to train. He loves people more than anything. How can I have so much anxiety about a dog that is so perfect? These are things I think about every second, of every day. There isn’t a moment that passes that I don’t wonder where he is at or what he is doing.

Apparently, this is all just new mommy syndrome.

If I could rewind time, there is no way I would change my decision. I love Jazz, I do. He has had positive impacts on my life, and I do enjoy spending time with him.

Yesterday was what I like to call “a good day”. On good days, I wake up and don’t feel doom in the pit of my stomach. On good days, I look forward to being a dog owner. These days are really dependent on my schedule. When I got home yesterday, I sat around for a good 30 minutes to an hour, and then I packed up the pup and we went to the dog park. If I could spend every day at the dog park, all days would be good days. Being outside, and watching my pup play with the other pups is so pleasurable. I have no stress when we are at the dog park.

The day before that wasn’t a good day. It was what we don’t talk about. Days like that I find my fuse is just a tad bit too short, and my desire to be independent is all-consuming.

Fast forward to today, and although it wasn’t a good day, it wasn’t unspeakably terrible. It was nice to come home and love on him.

Two weeks later, my stress level is still more than doubled. I’m managing, though. I grit my teeth and try to come to a compromise. No one seems to quite understand what new mommy syndrome is like, and I don’t think I fully believe that it will go away, but that is the misunderstanding that keeps us all being individuals. Friends try to help, and in one breath I don’t want help. In the next breath, I’m just thankful that I’ve made it long enough to contemplate if I need help.

If there is one thing this experience is teaching me, it must definitely be that I will never be able to raise children. Oh, and that perseverance will keep your head above the water, even if its just barely enough to breathe.

Have you ever had “new mommy syndrome”? Was it with children or a pet? How did you cope?

The Pressure to Marry

19 Aug

 

My parents live 4 hours away from me, and because of college and working I rarely am able to see them. Yesterday, however, they came and visited me and left this evening.

At one point in a conversation with my mother, I mentioned someone’s husband. Bad choice. Her immediate response was “You need to start looking for one.”

*facepalm*

Of course, all the talk of getting a boyfriend and looking for one ensued. I really think expectations are highly influenced by her marriage to my father at age 19, and my sister’s marriage to her husband at 23. I turn 23 in November, with not a boyfriend in sight. I can’t say that I really am too effected by it, because many, many vet students get their spouses in vet school.

What kind of pressure do your parents put on you to get married? Do you get pressure from anywhere else? How do you handle it?

Dating Someone With Children

8 Aug

 

Considering that I never want children, I don’t think I could ever date someone who already has them. Sure, I wouldn’t have to go through all the pregnancy and pushing, but kids are a lot of work and I would not look forward to raising their children for the next x amount of years.

Would you date someone who had kids? Would it be dependent on how old you/they are? What about if they were currently pregnant?