Tag Archives: marriage

The Day “Gay Marriage” Became “Marriage”

26 Jun

Today is a day that will be written into the history books.

Those of us advocating for LGBT rights have long been looking for the legalization of gay marriage. It is so obviously a denial of basic rights, and is so tangible, that it has been the forerunner for civil rights denied by the LGBT community. Today, it became not something to fight for, but a door that has now opened. Because anyone can be married now regardless of sex, gender, or orientation, “gay marriage” is now just “marriage. And that is something to be excited about!

We took this away from those who have used it as a backbone to their arguments that LGBT people are apparently different than everyone else. Now, we can use this momentum to tear down other barriers to things like adoption, life saving blood donations, and instead of tolerance we can seek acceptance. A same-sex married couple doesn’t have any influence on anyone’s lives but there own, so what is there to tolerate? Nothing. Because everyone should be accepting.

The ruling by the Supreme Court of the United States today, wasn’t a landslide movement, however. Four of the nine members voted against it, and while their reasons are their own, it is hard to say why. These 4 people are holding that their reasons for voting against it was because it was unconstitutional to take away the rights of individual states to decide their own laws. It is hard for me to accept that this is their reason for voting against it.

Considering that in Loving v. Virginia the decision was unanimous, we still have a long way to go. I find it very interesting that in that supreme court ruling, that marriage was a “fundamental freedom”, and that the “freedom to marry or not marry…resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the state” while citing the 14th amendment of the constitution lends me to believe that the 4 dissents were of no result of the constitution, but of simple bigotry.

Section 1 of Amendment XIV states:

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

 

Sounds to me as though yes, the states screwed up. Yes, due process of law landed this issue in the supreme court. And YES, those states were denying the rights of their citizens, which is unconstitutional, and why no, today’s landmark decision is NOT unconstitutional. These 4 folks just found themselves on the wrong side of history.

Yay history!! Now my coworker can adopt another pet and her wife will be able to easily divorce her.

 

Dissents of the 4 supreme court justices.
Text of Amendment XIV.
And a really awesomely done video about it all.

 

Please, if you feel as though I got it wrong, I would love to hear your comments as I’m not a lawyer nor a judge (or any expert in the law, for that matter). Make sure you include reference material, though, because I don’t need a bunch of bigoted bullshit cluttering up my space. 

Musings of a Perpetually Single 25 Year Old

9 May

While taking a nice hot shower this afternoon (I couldn’t get warm any other way), my thoughts drifted to my recently engaged chiropractor. His new fiance shares my name, which made me wonder how old she is. I know he is in his early 30s, but have no reason to actually know how old she is.

That took my thoughts to the other newly weds I know…all of whom are in their early 30s. Suddenly, for the first time, 25 felt really young to be married.

With the wedding of my best friend quickly nearing, thinking about her getting married makes me even feel like we are young. Then, I thought about her having kids, and how it would change everything.

My mind quickly went to another good friend who is having a baby in just about a month. Everything about our friendship is going to change the second that baby comes out. She is the first person I actually hang out with who will be having a baby.

The last time I had a major life change I think was when I started college out of high school, and that feels like forever ago! I’m not ready for another major life change. I like my life. And having friends with no kids.

And to think, I had a mini-crisis when I turned 22 and didn’t have a boyfriend in sight, let alone a husband (23 was my original age I wanted to be married by).

Any major life changes going on? Are you still riding the single wave like I am, or are you on couples isle? Kids? 

The Numbers of Finding “The One”

1 Dec

Out of a whim, and the fact that I am so over being single, I decided to look up the average number of men a woman dates before finding “the one”. And let’s face it – dating sucks! At least, from my perspective. I don’t like meeting new people, I don’t like feeling rejected, and I don’t like being vulnerable.

The number: not so simple.

The numbers I found all seem to be referencing the same study, done in the UK. But they break the numbers down, so it isn’t necessarily an even “10 people”. This is what that looks like:

  • Kisses with 15 men.
  • Two long-term relationships.
  • Heartbreak, twice.
  • Seven dates, plus two blind dates and two dates with someone from the Internet.
  • Four disaster dates.
  • Being stood up once.
  • One live-in relationship.
  • Four one-night stands.
  • Seven sexual partners.

Soooooo…apparently I’m lacking. If I take my first kiss, which happened 8 years ago…and we just go off of kisses…it’s going to be 12 years before I get married.

Good thing life doesn’t happen so precisely.

My list looks a little more like this:

  • Kissed 6 men.
  • Two long-term relationships.
  • Heartbreak…umm…like…my heart hurts? Twice? 3 Times? Like…I was in a relationship and we broke up and I was devastated? Once. Like…I liked someone or was in a relationship with someone and got rejected and felt sad? Who even knows.
  • Umm…2 dates? Maybe? Neither of them might have counted… plus one blind dates, which I also don’t know if it was a date…and…I dated someone from a book…not the internet, though. But that was the same guy as the blind date…I guess…
  • No disaster dates, unless you count on being on a bus or in a car with a stranger a date…
  • Been stood up [almost] once.
  • One live-in relationship, I think? Does living together, then starting to date count? It wasn’t really planned…
  • One, one night stand.
  • Zero sexual partners? Are we talking sexually intimate, or are we talked full on ‘he put his penis in my vagina’ sexual partners?

Sounds like I’m a little behind. Hopefully not 12 years behind, and hopefully I don’t have to kiss another 9 men, have 3 more one-night stands, OR have seven more sexual partners before I meet my husband.

That sounds like a lot of work. Too much work.

How do your numbers compare? What were your numbers like (if you’re already married)? Do you think there could be statistically significant differences between the UK and the US?

Quote 22 Oct

Every time I tell someone that I want to get married soon, they say that I have all the time in the world. That I don’t need to rush. What they don’t understand is that the single most important thing to me about getting married is having my father walk me down the aisle. And for that…I have 2 months.

So, You’re Not Aborting Your Gay Baby…

16 Jun

First and foremost, I apologize for the horrific and very literal title. I’m not feeling very inspired today.

Now, to the point.

Generally, pro-life people tend to be conservative. Those who oppose marriage equality also tend to be conservative. This isn’t a new thought, or an original one, but would you still support the pregnancy if you knew that the child would be gay?

And how can one support this child be brought into a world, but then deny them such a basic right?

Or. How can a person support bringing a child into life, with the possibility that they will kill themselves, simply because they are gay and the same people that called for them to be born are those who treat them with hate, make fun of them in school, bully them, and deny them the right to be with the person they love the most in this world?

No. All the 30-somethings, 40-somethings, and 50-somethings who are of this mindset aren’t bullying babies being born here and now, but they are raising their children to. Each bully has a parent, and children pick up so easily the beliefs of their parents, that whether you are a homophobe or simply someone who believes in “the sanctity of marriage”, it translates to the same thing.

They are them, and I am us. That makes us different. Different isn’t good.

So, when a gay child or teenager or adult kills themselves, how do you justify all the hate and all the intolerance?

Were they sinners? Is that it? Now they will answer to God.

Or was it selfish? Not only did they make a poor life choice, but they tried to get us to be okay with such an abomination, and then they tried to kill themselves with no regard of their families?

So, conservative folks…which is it? Keep in mind, I’m not saying all conservatives are pro-life and anti-gay rights, and I’m not saying all pro-life and anti-gay rights folks are conservative. I’m just saying that those two things are often the political beliefs held by the same person, but that in practice they seem conflicting.

Do you think these views are conflicting? What is your response to what I wrote?

The Emphasis on Interests

31 May

Yesterday, while driving in the Poudre Canyon, I had some good quality girl time with a friend of mine. We discussed lots of different things, but one of them that kind of made me think deeper about it was lifestyle compatibility and the effect it has on dating.

When you first start dating (usually high school…right?), you like a person and they like you, so you enter into a relationship. I just had the realization last night that it isn’t conducive to do that for a relationship at this point in my life.

It doesn’t matter if I think guy A is attractive and has the personality of everything I’m looking for if our lifestyles don’t match. A super-into-nature kind of guy who goes out and backpacks for days at a time and “roughs it” regularly is going to be rather disappointed when I don’t want to partake.

Or the super-indoorsy kind of guy, who wholeheartedly refuses to go into nature with me will question when I start to get restless at not being able to enjoy him and nature simultaneously.

And I think therein lies a major problem for me. I’m often middle-of-the-road where my interests and lifestyle is concerned. I love being outside and I love video games and the interwebs, but I don’t like doing either thing exclusively. A couple hours on the computer…a couple hours sitting outside enjoying the weather and I’m set.

Those are just a couple of examples. I’m middle-of-the-road with a lot of things.

Do you think that lifestyle matching is an important part of having a successful, fulfilling relationship? What are some interests that you would need a significant other to have for your relationship to work? Would you consider yourself a middle-of-the-road person like me, or do you have very specific interests and lifestyle?

Off-Limits Attraction

19 Sep

There are so many different levels of attraction out there, and things that we are attracted to, that I’m sure at one point in time we’ve all been attracted to someone who was “off-limits”. From people who are “taken” to coworkers to teachers all the way to the cop that just pulled you over, there isn’t a shortage of these people either.

Whats your off-limits type? When is it okay to take your attraction to the next level?