Tag Archives: lust

Right Guy, Wrong Time

21 Sep

I want to say that I hear about this all the time…girl meets guy, guy is amazing, but its just not the right time in her life, or she is too busy, or work or whatever.

But I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard this line outside of a movie.

For the first time in my life, however, I feel like this is just the case. I want nothing more than to find a nice fellow for myself, but it just isn’t the right time. I even want it to be the right time, but it isn’t.

Had I had a significant other before my dad got diagnosed with cancer, I would be so grateful right now – someone to comfort me, someone to be supportive when I just feel like I can’t move forward, just someone – but that isn’t the case. Even though I would love to have all of that right now instead of struggling to keep my head above water, I know that if I started a relationship right now I would be neglectful and needy.

That isn’t to say that I wouldn’t rule out love, if it just so happened to fall in my lap. I just don’t have the ability to seek it out. I find myself in my down time sometimes thinking ‘I should do this to get a SO’ or ‘I should put the moves on him’ and then I snap myself back to reality and get this gut feeling that its a horrible idea and sounds like a lot of work.

That is a statement I’ve never said before either: Relationships are hard work. Never before have I felt that way. Amazing, isn’t it?

Fortunately, there is nothing that sways my belief that if it is the right person, it will come in the right time.

Have you ever felt that it really, truly just wasn’t the right time to start a relationship? Was there someone courting you, and how did you handle that? 

Dating an Introvert – Conflict

9 Jun

It’s no news that I’m an introvert. I mean, come on, I spend hours of my life alone, on my computer, writing. This can’t be a surprise.

So, to continue with yesterday’s dating theme, I was reading through some stuff on being an introvert and how to deal with us. A lot of the information hits the mark – like how you should not constantly ask us what’s wrong because we are quiet – but I found one little blurp in an article that really hit close to home.

It was about conflict.

[…] you might find yourself revisiting an argument from three days ago as if it were still fresh. It IS fresh – to an introvert.

I feel a little more at peace knowing that I’m not the only one who this is true for. I don’t mean to bring up an argument days later, but to me, the time in between has been spent cultivating my ideas about whatever it is I am arguing about, figuring out the most logical way to deal with the situation, and how to go about discussing it without getting mean.

Really, when I bring it up again, it’s to actually discuss the problem, come to a solution, and be happy with that solution.

And I’m a firm believer in not arguing while angry. So sue me. Here is the original, full text from the website (on the subject of conflict):

Conflict

Pros: Chances are that an introvert’s response to conflict, while slow in coming, will be a thoughtful one.

Cons: If you need to work out something right away, good luck. Introverts tend to need time for processing information before responding, so you might find yourself revisiting an argument from three days ago as if it were still fresh. It IS fresh — to an introvert.

Red Flag: Healthy arguments play a natural part in any relationship, but they require gaining closure of some sort for both parties. If you’re not careful and insistent on settling conflicts, nothing ever gets resolved… which can lead to resentment and distrust

You can read the full article, Tips for Dating an Introvert here.

Ever dated an introvert (or are you an introvert)? Have you ever found yourself doing this? How do you feel when your significant other brings up the topic of an argument days later?

A Date…What is That???

4 Jun

In my head, I have a very specific definition for what a date is. I think most of do, but as I was doing the mundane labor that is cleaning dog strays rooms at work today, I realized that not everyone’s definition of a “date” may be the same.

I became curious, so I looked it up on Google.

Some of the definitions relied on if there was a potential for sex at that point in time or in the future. Others were so vague that I couldn’t even differentiate between a date and just hanging out.

What is your definition of a date? What is the difference between going on a date with someone, and hanging out with someone? What do you think the best date to go on/take someone on is?

Off-Limits Attraction

19 Sep

There are so many different levels of attraction out there, and things that we are attracted to, that I’m sure at one point in time we’ve all been attracted to someone who was “off-limits”. From people who are “taken” to coworkers to teachers all the way to the cop that just pulled you over, there isn’t a shortage of these people either.

Whats your off-limits type? When is it okay to take your attraction to the next level?

Dating a Friend’s Ex

3 Sep

 

Its a really big thing in middle school and high school, but I can’t be sure about college and life outside of school entirely. Its like an unspoken rule: you should never date your friend’s, especially best friend’s, ex-boyfriend.

I kind of have a problem with that. Just because your friend’s ex wasn’t right for her, doesn’t mean he is wrong for you, and limiting your options isn’t fair to you. I understand that your friend might feel hurt, but life goes on.

Is this really a rule people follow after high school? Is it okay to date a friend ex?

You’re Sexy…But Your Car is Hideous

16 Aug

 

If there is one thing I know, its that men and women alike are attracted to nice cars. They may not seek out owning one equally, but if you see a nice car, you can’t help but take notice.

A car can also say a lot about who a person is. A friend of mine once sat in my car, which was a complete disaster at the time, and said that you can tell I like animals and that I’m busy and on the go (there were others, but I forgot what exactly she said). What she said was true, and even the type of car I have says something about who I am. I like to go fast, enjoy driving, like the basics, and like the environment, too.

Cars can also mean a lot when you are dating. If first impressions mean a lot, then the car you pull up in to pick up that girl you are trying to get to fall in love with you can be imperative. But how important is it, really? Sure, if a guy pulls up in a fancy, new car to pick me up, then not only can I assume that he is doing well for himself, but my mind is allowed to run wild with all the fun places that car can take us. I can’t say that I have a problem if the opposite is true about his car, though. Growing up, I didn’t have air conditioning in the house, or in the car. The tape player didn’t work, and neither did the radio. It still isn’t a big deal, because it reminds me of the simple things in life, like enjoying a conversation with the wind blowing through my hair.

How important is the sexiness the car of a date/significant other? If your date rolls up in a piece of junk to pick you up, what is your initial impression? Would you be less likely to date this person long-term? How big of a turn off is it?

What if the person who owns the piece of junk car is only driving it because of reasons beyond his control? Does it change your mind?

What is your general opinion of people who drive crappy cars (without taking relationship to the person into consideration)?

Blurring the Lines of Sexuality

15 Aug

Its already hard enough to find a mate as it is. At least for me, anyway. I can’t imagine its very easy for a gay person in a small town either. The pickings are low.

As we come to understand sexuality in humans more, and wish to ostracize various sexualities less, the lines continue to blur. That’s how human sexuality works, so the better we understand that, the better it is for everyone, but at some point, finding a mate would become nearly impossible.

The reason I bring this up is because of my relationship with Glee. Yes, Glee. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. And if you are currently judging me because I love Glee, well…I REGRET NOTHING!!!!

On Glee, the cast did a Born This Way cover in which they all wore shirts that said something about who they are. Kurt, a very obviously gay boy, wore a shirt that said “Likes Boys”. I’m absolutely in love with it, but it doesn’t have the same effect if I wore a shirt that said that. This led me to want to wear a shirt that says “Likes Girls”, but I can’t…because I don’t like girls. Apparently, I think a little bit like the actress who plays Quinn, because in a later live performance (or in public, or something) she donned the same shirt that says “Likes Girls”. The fandom blew up with talk about her being a lesbian, and about how no one had any idea.

Well, she doesn’t like girls. She likes boys. Cue mass confusion.

Here is the problem. If I wear a shirt that says “Likes Girls”, it would lead people to believe I’m a lesbian. With it being so difficult already to find a significant other, it doesn’t seem fair to me to broadcast to all the women looking for a potential girlfriend that I like girls, when I actually don’t. Not to mention it would make my own search more difficult, because then I would be off-limits to men. But wearing a “Likes Boys” shirt is on the verge of being like one of those screen tees that says thing like “hot” and “bad girl” (translation: tacky).

I still really want a version of the Lebanese shirt that Santana wears, as its an inside joke I’d likely have to explain.

Am I just thinking way too much into my clothing options? Is it fair to falsely advertise like this? Would you wear the shirt?

Dating Someone With Children

8 Aug

 

Considering that I never want children, I don’t think I could ever date someone who already has them. Sure, I wouldn’t have to go through all the pregnancy and pushing, but kids are a lot of work and I would not look forward to raising their children for the next x amount of years.

Would you date someone who had kids? Would it be dependent on how old you/they are? What about if they were currently pregnant?

My Lady Bits and How They Affect My Dating Range

24 Jun

 

Before I get to the point, I’d like to make a point of saying that there are three big divisions I can make of how I think about love and romance and such. My lustful thoughts (lady bits), the thoughts of the heart, and then my rational mind all influence how I think about dating, and each definitely has a say in how old or young someone has to be if I’ll date them (usually my rational mind wins). Age isn’t black and white, like I would like it to be, but so many things have to be processed through my brain before I make a decision. These are a few of my common guidelines when I think about dating.

“Young”: 19-21

Lady bits: This could be exciting. I should probably seduce him.
Heart: He is young, but he is so cute! Who cares if I’m a little older than him? Probably him, I guess…but once you seduce him he will know how awesome you are!
Rationally: I guess it doesn’t matter, but if he is interested he will make the first move.

“My age”: 21-29

Lady bits: This could be exciting. Mmmmm….very exciting!
Heart: So cute! We like the same music, and he likes animals and blah blah blah…! We were meant for each other!
Rationally: I wonder if he thinks I’m cute, too?

“Not too much older”: 30-35

Lady bits: This could be exciting. He should seduce me…a lot. At his job, at my job, in my house, in his house…
Heart: He is a little older, but its not that old. Just date him. Don’t even think he might have ulterior motives for wanting to date you.
Rationally: I can’t imagine he would want to date someone 10 years younger than him. Not only does he have much more life experience, but I’m sure that we just don’t have anything in common.

“Older”: 36-49+

Lady bits: This could be exciting. He should seduce me.
Heart: So what if he is like, 20 years older than you? Do you SEE how gorgeous he is? Just think of his ample life experience enough for the both of you!
Rationally: That life experience? Way too much for me; I look like a baby in comparison. We would have just about 0 in common.

 

How much older or younger will you date? Do you ever go through a spell in which you know you shouldn’t date someone because of age, but it is oh-so-tempting? Would you date someone the age of your children (or parents)?

The Morning After: Catching Fire

22 Jun

Spoiler alert: I’ll be talking freely about the book toward the end of this post, so if you haven’t read it and don’t want me to ruin it, don’t read in between the lines! I also apologize that its a little lengthy

It took me a little while to actually start this book, but only because my friend didn’t know where her copy was. After reading The Hunger Games, I wasn’t actually gunning to read Catching Fire right away, anyway. Not because The Hunger Games wasn’t good, but it was a roller coaster that I needed a little break from.

In the span of time in which I wasn’t reading either book, I had a few discussions, and people kept telling me that it wasn’t a love story. I’m fully aware of that, and have been from the start. That doesn’t change the fact that Peeta and Katniss caused a great stir in my being by how the first book ended.

When I finally started reading Catching Fire, it didn’t take long to get into the book, like it did in the The Hunger Games. It might be that I was already invested, and needed to know what happened, but I like to think that it wasn’t necessary to havve as much background information. That being said, there was still quite a bit of background that may have been unnecessary. It was a little redundant, but I chalk it up to making the book independent of the first. If you wanted to, you could probably just read Catching Fire and be able to understand what is going on.

I wasn’t sure if it would start at just about the same moment the last book ended, or at what point later in their lives it would begin. This worried me, because like I said, I needed to know what happened. A little to my comfort (and slightly to my dismay), the the book starts about 6 months after the other ends. Not a bad frame of time, and it appeared as though not a whole lot had happened in that expanse of time. Having to hear a 17 year old talk about the 6 months in between exciting things would probably make for a dull read, so I understand.

———————————–

Part I begins with what seems as almost normal life for Katniss. There is a sense of sadness or depression in her words that make you understand that it isn’t actually normal, but that life has resumed after her victory in the games. The reader is made aware that Gale isn’t around as often, and that Katniss and Peeta have an anything but romantic relationship. As part I goes more in depth, we find that Peeta and Katniss are starting their Victory Tour, and that its a little more important than they realize. Katniss is visited by President Snow, who makes a sinister impression. He is not convinced that Katniss’ revolt against the Capitol was actual done out of love for Peeta, and that if she wants her loved ones to survive, she must find a way to convince him. It also becomes apparent that she has been watched, and that the kiss she shared with Gale wasn’t a secret as she had thought. It is at this point that the turmoil within Catching Fire begins.

This is followed by a trip with Gale to the forest, to explain what has happened, and to explain what should be done. Katniss decides to run, and wishes to take Gale and his family, her family, and Peeta and his family. No one takes the news as well as she hopes, but Katniss presses on and plans out the details in her mind. Gale thinks they should rebel, and Peeta is unsure about what to do in its entirety. You see that Peeta still cares for Katniss, and Gale definitely cares for her, but that they are both hurt for different reasons. Katniss, on the other hand, seems to have feelings for both, but refuses to deal with them.

A turning point in the book is when they return from the woods, and find that the head Peacekeeper has been replaced. This new man punishes Gale, and takes over District 12 for the worst.

In part II, we learn of riots and uprisings in the other districts. Katniss learns that district 13 might exist outside the power of the capitol, and that two people she meets in the woods are headed there. It is at this point that she finds her mockingjay has become a symbol of revolution, and decides that she should not run, but should find a way to rebel like the other districts.

Katniss and Peeta became engaged in the height of the Victory Tour, and at this point in the book, Katniss goes on television to show the people of Panem the wedding dresses that have been picked out for her. After this programming, everyone is required to watch the news about the upcoming Quarter Quell. This is the special Hunger Games that happens every 25 years after the inception of Panem. There are special rules or conditions for the Quell and this is what the choose to announce. This years Quarter Quell will use only tributes reaped from past victors. This means Katniss has no choice but to partake, and that her partner can only be either Haymitch or Peeta.

She is distraught with the news, as one would expect. Victors have always been safe from playing in the Games again, and now she has no choice but to play again, and against two of the most important people in her life. This upset me, but I expected something like this to happen.

Once the Reaping occurs, we find that Peeta and Katniss will once again be batting against each other, but this time Katniss makes sure that Peeta will be the one to return to District 12.

All of Panem is in unrest because of the tributes being victors. Uprisings only increase, and even those of the Capitol are rebelling against their ruler. Cinna transforms Katniss’ interview dress – the final wedding dress chosen for her by the President – into the mockingjay that is the symbol of revolution. Peeta mocks the capitol by lying and saying her and Katniss are already married and expecting child, and all of the victors join hands to show that they are united against the Games this year.

Part III opens up with all the tributes on their metals plates within the arena. This time they are all in the middle of water, and only a select few can swim. Alliances form between Katniss, Peeta, and a few other tributes to understand the arena. They discover that the events that happen are clockwork, and that the arena itself is designed as a clock. Almost all of the tributes outside the alliance are taken out, when they seem to turn on one another. Johanna seems to turn on Katniss. Katniss is unsure of any of her other allies, and only seeks to find and keep Peeta alive.

At the very end of the story, Katniss (along with the reader, of course) finds out that the goal of her ally, Beetee, was not to kill the other tributes, but to destroy the force field surrounding the arena and to get Katniss away from the games. The existence of District 13 is confirmed, as is the uprisings all over Panem. We end the book with the realization that although Haymitch, Gale, Prim, and Finnick are alive, District 12 no longer exists, and Peeta has been kidnapped by the Capitol.

———————————-

In my opinion, Catching Fire was definitely better than The Hunger Games,whether it was the level of rebellion surrounding it, the increase in character development, my investment in the story line itself, or just better writing from Collins. I think that Collins chose well by putting Katniss back in the Games, and it didn’t seemed forced at all.

I think the arena was brilliantly done, and the alliance allowed Peeta and Katniss to become more rounded characters.

I still absolutely adore Peeta, but Katniss gives me mixed feelings. I really disliked her character throughout part I, but I was on the fence throughout the rest of the book. I understand she is young, but I feel like all of her decisions are harder then they should be, and her mind changes often. I still think she needs to take a moment to assess her feelings for Gale, and for Peeta. Peeta obviously brings her comfort, and she wants him with her so much of the time it seems ridiculous to me that she wouldn’t know that he means something more to her than just a fellow tribute. She has a tendency to illustrate herself as selfish, but I think that often enough she gives up so much without it being acknowledged.

One thing I must address is the writing style of both books. One of my readers commented that the idea of the books themselves was great, but that the writing really sucked. I don’t disagree, and there were a few moments when I had to stop and re-read something because it just didn’t flow right or the words seemed put together strangely. That being said, as readers we have to understand that this book is from the point of view of a 16 to 17 year old. It wouldn’t be true to Katniss as a member of District 12 in a post-apocalyptic society for her speech level to be extremely advanced. We can’t expect her to talk like she was popped straight out of the books we consider classics. A perfect example is in The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner. It is narrated by different people, and with each comes a different style. Benjy’s chapters are a challenge within themselves, as he is severely mentally retarded. There are points at which you aren’t even sure what he is referring to.

When I finished Catching Fire, I immediately wanted to start on the last book of the trilogy. I refrained, but only because I needed to write this blog in the same manner I wrote the other one. I wasn’t as upset as I was when I finished the first book, and I had more of a sense of closure, even though the cliffhanger at the end of this book did seem more elaborate than the first book. I didn’t think I would have a problem sleeping like I did after The Hunger Games but I definitely did. I’m not sure what to credit it to, but I slept like crap last night. I would also likely gives this book 4 out of 5 stars, maybe 4.5 out of 5, or I might lower the first book to 3 or 3.5 out of 5. I was less level-headed after the first book, so my rating was likely a little skewed. I still don’t like the idea of watching the movies, but I do like the idea of having a mockingjay necklace. I also didn’t really have any unanswered questions like I did in the last book.

What did you think of Catching Fire? What did you think of Katniss? Do you have any unanswered questions?