Tag Archives: love

30 Days of Online Dating: Day 4

2 Dec

Not a lot going on in the internet dating world today. I did have an interesting little conversation with a coworker today. Went a little something like this:

Her: Please be safe when you’re going on these dates. You’re really bad at that.
Me: …I *am* really bad at that…
Her: You should run each date by a friend so they can tell you if it is safe or not. “Lets meet in a dark alley way”…probably not a good idea

And it is painfully true. Skinny dipping, driving into the mountains, going to his house to play video games…they all sound so much better than classic first dates in public places.

I’m actually already a little bored, but still trying to decide the best way to use this website. I could either choose matches based solely on the date (This date sounds fun, who cares if they are conservative, Christian, and want children???) or I could actually just use it like any other dating site and ignore the date (Christian, conservative, wants kids…not for me!).

Oh…and that guy I messaged yesterday didn’t message back…

Messages Sent: 1
Messages Received: 0
Conversations: 0

About the guy: 27 and local, has a goat (I think..possibly a sheep) in his profile picture, cute…no other information…
His date: How about we…create our own Willy Wonka adventure: Grab hot chocolates and then keep hitting up candy stores till we lapse into a sugar coma
My reservations: I know absolutely nothing about him, other than he probably works in some farm capacity, so he could be a terrible match (but the date sounds super fun!)


Intrigued by:
4
Mutual Intrigues: 0

Things learned (general): if you look at someones profile, it doesn’t change the day you looked in the “viewers” page, but you DO get an email; either I have different views of what “exercising” is, people are all lying, or I’m one lazy ass motherfucker…pretty much everyone has “often” for how frequently they exercise; it is frustrating when you click on a guys profile and he hasn’t filled out any information
Things learned about myself: abs are super intimidating; I’m a sucker for any guy with a picture that shows he has a cat (but not so much dogs); I want to ask every person who wants kids “some day” how important that is to them
Something I challenged myself to do: message someone who isn’t a “mutual” intrigue

Most bizarre/shocking: hotfaslzih has a picture of John Cusack as his profile picture, and occupation is listed as “baby mama”…

 

 

Any thoughts on how I should approach this date-based vs. not-date-based conundrum? Sound off in the comments!

 

Want to follow my dating excursion? Go here to begin the journey: 30 Days of Online Dating

30 Days of Online Dating: Day 3

1 Dec

 

Three days in and this website is really frustrating! I keep having to Google how to find certain functions that I know exist. Today, I found the “Visits” page which shows who has visited your profile. It’s an interesting thing…seeing you is seeing you and then figuring out if they were interested or not. I had 5 pages of views, but only one recently (yesterday).

In lieu of making my own poor dating choices, I decided to have a good friend of my help me sift through potential matches, and this is what happened:

Messages Sent: 1 (of 10 potential matches)
Messages Received: 0
Conversations: 0

About the guy: 26 and local, “has a weakness for animal lovers”, has a dog, doesn’t want kids, and is uninterested in faith/politics
His date: How about we…go bowling.
My reservations: Bowling sounds fun, but isn’t the most creative. I also can’t really see his face in the picture he has posted.


Intrigued by: 
2
Mutual Intrigues: 0

Things learned (general): how to access the people who have viewed my profile (5 pages of views, only one of which was in the past 3 days); the vast majority of the men I’ve browsed through have been white (area demographics? website demographics?)
Things learned about myself: I generally aim to date late 20s to early 30s but the majority of people I have “favorited” or been “intrigued” by are younger than me (my age range is set to 24-35); I apparently only find white men and the occasional black man attractive, despite my hispanic descent; going to church is apparently a much bigger turn-off than I ever imagined it would be
Something I challenged myself to do: message someone who has also been intrigued by yours truly (feeling is mutual)

Most bizarre/shocking: No dick pics yet???

 

Tomorrow perhaps it is onto messaging someone who isn’t also mutually intrigued. I have my eye on someone…we’ll see.

Toodles!

 

Want to follow my dating excursion? Go here to begin the journey: 30 Days of Online Dating

30 Days of Online Dating: Day 2

30 Nov

The sun has set and risen, and so it appears that this online dating thing wasn’t a dream. While I’ve confirmed that I’m useless at making first moves, I’ve discovered little new about myself otherwise. It is, however, a strong possibility that by the end of this month, I might be able to coin an algorithm for being interested/not interested in someone.

Right now, it appears that if you have any combination of 3 things that are less than desirable I will “x” you (its like…the opposite of “intrigued”? “swipe left”?). Want kids someday? Perhaps we can talk. Christian? Okay, maybe. Conservative? Nope. X

Here’s the breakdown for today. Sorry it isn’t more exciting.

Messages Sent: 0
Messages Received: 0
Conversations: 0


Intrigued by:
22+ (includes yesterdays blue hearts. oops.)
Mutual Intrigues: 4

Things learned (general): know what a particular function does before you use it; profile information is important to have!; pictures with mom are actually really adorable (should that be a red flag?)
Things learned about myself: being taller than me is more important than I thought; if I click through too many profiles at once, I start to X people more quickly
Something I challenged myself to do: purposely hit the “intrigue” button

Most bizarre/shocking: longrod21 writes “How about we…Hook up”

Come on, longrod21! That’s what Tinder is for!

 

That’s all for tonight. See you on the flip-side!

 

Want to follow my dating excursion? Go here to begin the journey: 30 Days of Online Dating

30 Days of Online Dating: Day 1

29 Nov

Online dating is something I’ve considered a few times in the past few years. I was really excited (and nervous) to try it about a year ago, but then decided to wait it out a little bit, for various reasons. I did sign up for HowAboutWe.com, but because I didn’t pay, the website was basically useless. If you’re unfamiliar with the website, instead of just browsing through pictures and profiles, you browse through possible dates. I liked this idea because it took some pressure off, and involved much less judgment (in my opinion). Well, after discovering the fellow I was interested in got a girlfriend, I decided to take the plunge into the online world of dating. That was yesterday. This is today: I paid for a month at HowAboutWe.com.

I hope you’ll join my in my adventures (or misadventures) in the online world of dating. In only a few short hours, I’ve already discovered a few things about the dating pool.

  1. The amount of people who don’t want children is shockingly low.
  2. Instant turn-off date ideas all involve some variation of “…and see where it leads” or “…and see what happens” (I’m pretty sure this means you are looking to hook up, and should probably just get a tinder).
  3. I thought it would be a lot easier to make a move online than it is in person, and I was very, very wrong. Hitting the “I’m intrigued” button is absolutely horrifying.

Once I paid, I put up several flattering photos of myself and updated my profile information. I don’t have the slightest idea how far away I should date, so I guess I’ll have to feel that out some. And even though I haven’t been able to hit “I’m intrigued” for anyone yet, I have found myself pushing this little blue heart on their speed-dating section. I have no idea what happens when you push the heart, but it’s something!

I did add 10 men to my favorites (apparently early 30’s is my thing, though I do have a couple a touch younger than I). Maybe tomorrow I’ll take it a step further. I guess I’ll see you then!

 

Oh…and apparently the blue heart is just a sneaky version of “intrigued”.

When is it Your Place to Interfere?

20 Sep

There are a few things weighing on my mind at the moment (not that that is unusual). One of those things is the appropriate relationship status between two people in relation to when it is okay to intervene or express your opinion about something they are doing or saying.

I have a feeling that half of my readers just went never.

While yes, I understand your reasoning for thinking that…let’s be honest. There isn’t a single person on this planet who hasn’t given unsolicited advice to a friend. This brings me to my question…when is it even remotely okay to do that?

I have friends who feel that at no point is it okay to put your two cents in about a relationship unless cheating has been witnessed or there is the possibility of abuse. I have other friends who will give their opinion on your entire relationship at the drop of a hat. My philosophy tends to swing toward the former, and that is mostly because I really hate for people to give me their opinions on things they aren’t involved in.

There is also something to say about how close you are with a person to what you can tell them. The difference between an acquaintance and your best friend is monumental. The same can be said for a friend versus a significant other. I will put up with a lot more from a friend than I will a significant other.

So, taking that into consideration, when is it appropriate to say I think your girlfriend wants to fuck that guy or I wish you’d ditch the cigarettes. Do I really know that your girlfriend feels that way? No. Could it royally screw things up? Yes. Could it save some heartache later? Yes. Do I expect you to quit smoking cold turkey just because I don’t like it? No. Do I care about you and want you to be a living member of my life? Yes.

I guess it is also a little more complicated than just saying how you feel. It is also the prevalence of how often you express concern, and in what capacity.

When do you think you know someone well enough to express concern to them about their life? Is it okay to express concern, as long as you don’t intervene? When is it INAPPROPRIATE?

Why the Single Life isn’t for Me

12 Sep

This post is in response to @buddy71, who on my previous post The Road to Peace, was interested in why having a significant other is so important to me.

It is a common question, especially from folks who either “love being single” or are currently in a relationship and “miss being single”. My disclaimer is as follows: I am a strong, independent, whole human being. I know who I am and I know what I want in life. I know where I’m going and where I’ve been. A significant other, while nice, does not define who I am, just as my choice in music does not define who I am.

The reason having a significant other is so important to me is actually quite simple. If you take all of the things I am and all of the things I do, you’ll find that some people bring out certain things more than others. I’ll use my love of video games and my love of being outside as an example. When I have strong relationships in my life, one of those may lie “dormant”. This means that if my best friend (or lover, or close sibling, etc) loves video games, I’m going to spend much more time playing video games than if my best friend (etc.) loves going hiking (in which case, video games are more likely to lay dormant because I’m spending so much time outside). Neither is more “right” or “better”, I am just able to express different parts of myself at different times.

This is why I like having a significant other. While my love for video games is great, as is my love for being outside, my desire to have someone to care for and love is a much more integral part of who I am. It is a part of myself that is very difficult to express without having a nice fellow in my life.

And it is a part of myself that I very much like to express, akin to my love of animals, and my quest for knowledge.

So yes, I am whole. That part of me is inside, and while unable to be fully expressed, I find myself caring very deeply for friends and very passionate about the things that I do. I just would like the ability to fully express it.

What are some pieces of yourself that are integral to your being? Do you ever find yourself in a similar situation to mine?

Confession

21 Aug

I woke up this morning with a feeling in my stomach as though I needed to confess my sins. That is the only way to describe how it felt, how it feels.

I need to confess my sins.

But what sins? That I love too much? That I care too deeply? That my passion is overwhelming some days, and that when I can’t keep it in, I leak from my eyes?

The only one I’m hurting is myself.

Maybe that is the sin that needs confessing. That my passion is killing me. Maybe not tomorrow, or even in a year…but without an outlet, it just swims around in my head, lurking behind my eyes. If you let yourself, you will see it there, struggling to be contained.

I suppose that is the difference between my sins and others. Others sins are based on a will of God; my sins are based on injustice to myself.

10 May

So. Freaking. Lonely. And I don’t even have someone to complain to because all of my closest friends are in relationships.

Something Shared

27 Jan

“There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them”

 

That’s a quote from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s [Alchemist’s] Stone, and I find that it holds a great deal of truth.

While twelve-foot mountain trolls aren’t common over here in the states,  I think that another such thing is unrequited love unexpressed feelings when two people have shared feelings, but for whatever reason, they never developed into an actual, serious, full-time relationship.

It’s almost as if there is a place in each of your hearts, made especially for them, even though you have both long-acknowledged that nothing will ever blossom between you. And you both agree that it’s okay.

I have a friend like that. We both liked each other for a really long time (at least it felt really long), muddled by relationships and distance and life. We talked about it and while we weren’t quite on the same page at the same time, I think we both knew deep down that it couldn’t work. Eventually, we accepted that there is something shared between us that is special, but that we weren’t meant to be together, and we would never be together.

I don’t think this something is dangerous, or threatening. Like the quote said, there are some things you can’t share without liking each other, and I think the shared thing is a knowledge that it won’t work, no matter how crazy you are about each other, and the ‘liking each other’ part is the bond…the connection…you form from sharing that something.

It’s almost as if no matter how old you grow or how far you grow apart, you still have that bond.

Do you have any folks you feel this way about?

Dear Dad [Rest in Peace]

26 Dec

DSC00466

Dear Dad,

I called you dad, pa, daddy, Roberto, papa. You called me Michelleeanna, Annie, hot rod…Anner Nanner.

You’ve been the best father that a girl could hope for, and you’ve been with me through every moment of my life, big or small. As we go through your belongings, we find things that bring back the best memories…memories I’ll cherish the rest of my life. You may be gone in body, now, but you’ll never be gone in spirit.

The day of my wedding, you’ll be there.
The day I finally buy a house, you’ll be there.
The day I graduate with my next degree…you’ll be there.

You live on in me and my sister, our mother, and your grand children.

I find solace knowing that you are finally at peace, and that your pain has ended. You fought a good fight, Dad, and I knew that no matter the outcome, the day you told me I’m going to fight this damn cancer  that everything would be okay. And I know that as much as I love you, and I admire you that you love me and are proud of me.

Everything I’ve done until this day, and everything I’ll do in the future is to make you and Mom proud of me. You are such a major part of who I are, and who I’ve become. You’re the fire to my phoenix.

I know that you held on as long as you did for us, to make sure we were ready and that we would be okay once you were gone. Thank you for that. I know it was a hard, long struggle. I know you were worried. But we will be okay. I got to spend one last Christmas with my papa, even if you were only hanging on by a thread, even if you couldn’t sit with us next to the Christmas tree…I got to sing Christmas carols to you, and buy you one last Christmas present, and for that I’ll be forever grateful.

I’ll miss you. I love you.

Give ’em hell, Dad

Rest in Peace
12.26.14
2:19 pm