Tag Archives: girlfriend
10 May

So. Freaking. Lonely. And I don’t even have someone to complain to because all of my closest friends are in relationships.

The Numbers of Finding “The One”

1 Dec

Out of a whim, and the fact that I am so over being single, I decided to look up the average number of men a woman dates before finding “the one”. And let’s face it – dating sucks! At least, from my perspective. I don’t like meeting new people, I don’t like feeling rejected, and I don’t like being vulnerable.

The number: not so simple.

The numbers I found all seem to be referencing the same study, done in the UK. But they break the numbers down, so it isn’t necessarily an even “10 people”. This is what that looks like:

  • Kisses with 15 men.
  • Two long-term relationships.
  • Heartbreak, twice.
  • Seven dates, plus two blind dates and two dates with someone from the Internet.
  • Four disaster dates.
  • Being stood up once.
  • One live-in relationship.
  • Four one-night stands.
  • Seven sexual partners.

Soooooo…apparently I’m lacking. If I take my first kiss, which happened 8 years ago…and we just go off of kisses…it’s going to be 12 years before I get married.

Good thing life doesn’t happen so precisely.

My list looks a little more like this:

  • Kissed 6 men.
  • Two long-term relationships.
  • Heartbreak…umm…like…my heart hurts? Twice? 3 Times? Like…I was in a relationship and we broke up and I was devastated? Once. Like…I liked someone or was in a relationship with someone and got rejected and felt sad? Who even knows.
  • Umm…2 dates? Maybe? Neither of them might have counted… plus one blind dates, which I also don’t know if it was a date…and…I dated someone from a book…not the internet, though. But that was the same guy as the blind date…I guess…
  • No disaster dates, unless you count on being on a bus or in a car with a stranger a date…
  • Been stood up [almost] once.
  • One live-in relationship, I think? Does living together, then starting to date count? It wasn’t really planned…
  • One, one night stand.
  • Zero sexual partners? Are we talking sexually intimate, or are we talked full on ‘he put his penis in my vagina’ sexual partners?

Sounds like I’m a little behind. Hopefully not 12 years behind, and hopefully I don’t have to kiss another 9 men, have 3 more one-night stands, OR have seven more sexual partners before I meet my husband.

That sounds like a lot of work. Too much work.

How do your numbers compare? What were your numbers like (if you’re already married)? Do you think there could be statistically significant differences between the UK and the US?

How to Better Deal with Criticism

4 Oct

If there is one skill that you have in your arsenal for dealing with people both professionally and personally it should definitely be an ability to handle criticism with grace.

It’s human nature to get irritate, angry, mad, or even furious if someone is critical of you, albeit constructive or otherwise. We naturally think the way we do things is the best way, and when someone tells us we aren’t the best, well…it makes us mad.

The best way to handle criticism is to first calm yourself. By realizing you have become angry, you can better calm yourself down in order to think about the criticism itself – not that someone criticized you. Once you are calm, you should take a moment to understand that no one is perfect, and that this could be an opportunity to improve yourself.

Once you are calm, think about what the criticism was about. Did the other person have a point? Was it something you could actually improve? The likely answer to both of those questions is yes. If this is the case, it will ease both parties if you thank them for their criticism. They could have not said anything and seethed privately and you wouldn’t have had any opportunity to improve. Once you thank them and tell them they had a point, you might choose to elaborate on why you chose to do something the way you did, but be careful to not be defensive. If you think you will sound defensive, then it might be better to not say anything at all. Remember: stay calm and don’t be angry or respond in anger.

Once you have acknowledge the criticism at hand, make improvements. The person dealing out the criticism likely had a reason. But don’t dwell on the criticism…let it go. It’s more than likely that the other person didn’t mean any harm.

What do you do to handle criticism gracefully? I always try to, but often I fail and internalize it – any suggestions? 

Right Guy, Wrong Time

21 Sep

I want to say that I hear about this all the time…girl meets guy, guy is amazing, but its just not the right time in her life, or she is too busy, or work or whatever.

But I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard this line outside of a movie.

For the first time in my life, however, I feel like this is just the case. I want nothing more than to find a nice fellow for myself, but it just isn’t the right time. I even want it to be the right time, but it isn’t.

Had I had a significant other before my dad got diagnosed with cancer, I would be so grateful right now – someone to comfort me, someone to be supportive when I just feel like I can’t move forward, just someone – but that isn’t the case. Even though I would love to have all of that right now instead of struggling to keep my head above water, I know that if I started a relationship right now I would be neglectful and needy.

That isn’t to say that I wouldn’t rule out love, if it just so happened to fall in my lap. I just don’t have the ability to seek it out. I find myself in my down time sometimes thinking ‘I should do this to get a SO’ or ‘I should put the moves on him’ and then I snap myself back to reality and get this gut feeling that its a horrible idea and sounds like a lot of work.

That is a statement I’ve never said before either: Relationships are hard work. Never before have I felt that way. Amazing, isn’t it?

Fortunately, there is nothing that sways my belief that if it is the right person, it will come in the right time.

Have you ever felt that it really, truly just wasn’t the right time to start a relationship? Was there someone courting you, and how did you handle that? 

The Territoriality of the Female Homosapien

14 Oct

This is a topic I’ve wanted to write about for quite some time, but for whatever reason the words just don’t seem to come like I want them to.

The idea first struck me when within a week a few months ago, I had heard it spoken and talked about in three different mediums. One of them was actually Girl Code, a show on MTV that is quite entertaining and often enough relateable.

So what am I actually talking about? Territoriality, specifically of women over their male friends. We’ve all been there…at least I know I have. When I was in high school, and really even up to this day, I struggled frequently with accepting any girl that my best friend liked. She was either not pretty enough, not nice enough, not right enough. I think we often use the excuse that we just want what’s best for our best friend, and in our eyes, nothing short of perfect is good enough for our perfect bestie, but it’s just an excuse. We do want the best, of course, but really, we want him for ourselves, even if we have him forever friend-zoned.

Just think about it. A new girl means your best guy friend isn’t spending as much time with you as he used to. It’s even worse if you are single.

And that’s when we start getting catty. To him, to her. And we make excuses, and sometimes even go as far as breaking them up.

But it isn’t our place. Yes, friends are important. Yes, we care about them and want whats best. And yes, sometimes that isn’t us, because significant others are important, too.

Really, there is room for both significant others and friends. No need to get catty, ladies.

Can you think of a time when you were territorial over a guy friend? How do you deal with it? Do you become catty? Why do you think girls do this, and do you think men do this with their best female friends?

You’re Single, I’m Single…Let’s Date!

11 Aug

I was having a conversation today with a coworker about just how lonely it is to have neither a best friend, nor a boyfriend. Me and my coworker are basically in the same boat.

Our conversation actually led to 3 little words: LET’S BE BFF’S!!!

While we may not actually end up being real best friends, I am hopeful that we can forge a friendship that lasts outside our time spent working together.

And that brings me to my point: why aren’t relationships that easy?

They don’t even have to develop into a serious relationship, but what’s wrong with two friends, who just happen to be single, decide to try and date?

Nothing. If it goes poorly, no harm done. If it goes well, maybe you just found your soul mate!

What do you think of my proposal? Would you ever give it a shot? Should it be that easy, or is that too easy?

Is Perception Reality?

25 Jun

This is an off-shoot of my last blog, of the original asker’s question, and discussion coming from that.

A woman who commented and I disagree about what flirting is. She believes there has to be intent for someone to be flirting, and I believe that it is possible to flirt unknowingly, without intent. She cited this definition:

Behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but without serious intentions: “it amused him to flirt with her”.
Experiment with or show a superficial interest in (an idea, activity, or movement) without committing oneself to it seriously.

While I respect this particular woman very much, and love reading her blogs and having her read mine, when I read this, I felt as though the intention to flirt isn’t clearly stated in the definition (as in, you can accidentally flirt).

The second part focuses more on intention than the first, but the first definition is its own entity, and therefore I will concentrate on that.

The part that sticks out to me is “behave as though attracted”. You can unintentionally behave this way, right? If you couldn’t, then it would be clear who is  attracted to you and who isn’t. There would be no oh, I thought you were flirting with me.

And that is where perception comes into play. If you are interacting with someone, and they perceive that you are flirting with them, but you are unaware that you may be doing so, then their perception doesn’t match your reality, but is actually their own reality. 

Make sense? And who is to say that if the other person thinks it’s flirting, that it isn’t flirting?

Does flirting have to be intentional to actually be considered flirting? Does this definition back that up?