Tag Archives: feelings

Automatic Withdraw

1 Jun

found that I have a tendency to withdraw and detach myself when my feelings are revealed, or there is a possibility that my feeling are mirrored in he whom they are for.

It’s kind of unfortunate, because often enough that can signal as uninterested, and we don’t want that.

Maybe its a fear of change. Maybe its a fear of being vulnerable. I can’t be certain, but I am certain that it is something I shouldn’t be doing.

Do you ever withdraw when you tell someone your feelings, or you are beginning a new relationship? Why do you think this occurs? 

Do We Inherit Our Temperaments from Our Parents?

22 Jun

I’m usually a decently calm person. Actually, I often lack emotion to the point where its exciting for others to see me excited, upset, or angry. I don’t know why I’m like this, but I do find being level-headed a comfort. And its not that I am emotionless, I’m just really good at controlling my emotions, but with control comes a price.

I often find myself being eaten alive by the emotions that well up inside me. Usually its sadness or anger that I find myself controlling, because happiness is a silly emotion to have to control (and its hard for me to get excited). When I feel anger inside me, it just keeps bubbling higher and higher within me, to the point in which I’m afraid that I just might boil over. Its not just the feeling of being mad, its almost always the feeling of teetering on the edge of something dangerous.

Feeling this inside reminds me of my parents, which is strange if you don’t know my parents. My dad has a hot temper that takes a long time to rise, but is explosive once it reaches its threshold. My mom has a quick, flashy temper that gives her unearthly strength like you can’t believe. I didn’t really see either of these growing up, but I know they are there. My sister is explosive like my father, but quick like my mother. It makes for a very scary combination that has gotten her in trouble quite a few times.

And then there is me. I’m the level-headed one, who is rarely disgruntled. But inside its almost as if I’ve inherited the combined power of their temper, but only because I have the highest threshold; with that threshold, comes even more explosive power than my father has. I’m quick to start warming up, but it takes me a long time to get to boiling, and then its as if a nuclear bomb has exploded.

Do you feel like we inherit traits such as this? 

Teachers Are People Too, Right?

12 Apr

Teachers. Such great terrible interesting things.  You can’t help but hate them and love them simultaneously (I’m also a scholar, so…I enjoy learning and often those who teach me).  Considering that I’ve been in school for 17 straight years, I’ve had a vast number of teachers.  I’ve also had to deal with the rockiness of not having stable teachers. My high school was often a stop for teachers desperately needing jobs, or for teachers fresh out of college. This gave rise to some really awesome teachers…and some not so great teachers.

I’ve also done very bad things to teachers. I probably shouldn’t have, but my reasons are my own (along with being shared with many other people, of course).  Personally, I think the best teachers are those that are easy to relate to. You know what I mean…those teachers that make you laugh, talk to you about life, and still get you to do homework and pay attention? The bad ones are those who think they have to be strict in order to keep…well…order.

I had a band teacher once, whom everyone disliked. Partially because he was trained as a choir teacher, and partially because he was a prude, stuck up, anal SOB (can you say, bad teacher?). My bandmates and I were in middle school at the time, and we did any number of things to try to make him quit. Well, he did. But not after crying several times in frustration.

One of my (many) chemistry professors at my university was also a terrible teacher.  He didn’t do his job very well, and it resulted in the average on one of our exams being a 60. He refused to curve it.  Instead, when asked by a student about a curve, he replied “if you failed your test, then you’re the failure. Not me.” What??? I don’t even think thats close to acceptable.  When it came time for teacher evaluations, he played the pity card. He asked us to say what we thought of him, not as a teacher, but as a person. “An alright guy” was shown as an option, along with a picture of him with his children. Who can put something different after seeing that?

All of this brings me to my point: teachers say that they don’t care what their students think of them, but on some level, they have to. Right? Maybe they don’t, but they are human just like the rest of us. They have the same desires, interests, attractions, repulsions, and feelings that everyone else does, yet they still put this wall. Maybe its because they are afraid what happened to my band teacher will happen to them. Maybe students won’t accept their authority. But like I’ve said, I think those easy-to-relate teachers are the best. Its all quite a curiosity to me

I also think that the picture above, regardless of how it makes you feel, has some level of accuracy.  We all think certain things are attractive, and its not as though we can consciously control what we find attractive, so it comes to reason that teachers not only care what students think (sometimes) but they also find themselves subject to the most primal of feelings.  You also know that there has to be kids that they only deal with because its their job.  And all the things they wish they could say, but can’t? This video sums up what I would want to say if I was a teacher.

Teachers are pretty awesome, and I’m glad for their existence (at least most of them). But you know there is stuff they hold back. And I invite all, especially teachers, to let me know what you think.

Do teachers care what their students think about them? Do you think its different between younger teachers and older ones? Have you ever done something terrible to a teacher (or had something done to you, as a teacher)? Teachers: we know there is a person in there with feelings and emotion, so whats the deal?