Tag Archives: extravert

Social Exhaustion

15 Oct

As an introvert, being in social situations can be exhausting. It isn’t that I dislike the social situations, however, and therein lies the problem.

Currently, I’m at a state where I’m forcing myself to see people. I would love to just hide away and do my own thing for at least a few days, and while I try and try…I know in my heart that I really should hang out with friends.

Hm…but should I? At what point am I not being true to myself and keeping myself healthy and sane? And maybe that feeling that I should want to hang out with people is just extrovert propaganda and proof that we live in a society that doesn’t understand the introvert.

Point being: I’m exhausted. Mentally, physically exhausted. And so far, my evenings are booked all the way into the weekend.

How do you deal with social exhaustion? Do you force yourself to hang out with people, even if you really just want to enjoy alone time? Why? Why not?

Dating an Introvert – Conflict

9 Jun

It’s no news that I’m an introvert. I mean, come on, I spend hours of my life alone, on my computer, writing. This can’t be a surprise.

So, to continue with yesterday’s dating theme, I was reading through some stuff on being an introvert and how to deal with us. A lot of the information hits the mark – like how you should not constantly ask us what’s wrong because we are quiet – but I found one little blurp in an article that really hit close to home.

It was about conflict.

[…] you might find yourself revisiting an argument from three days ago as if it were still fresh. It IS fresh – to an introvert.

I feel a little more at peace knowing that I’m not the only one who this is true for. I don’t mean to bring up an argument days later, but to me, the time in between has been spent cultivating my ideas about whatever it is I am arguing about, figuring out the most logical way to deal with the situation, and how to go about discussing it without getting mean.

Really, when I bring it up again, it’s to actually discuss the problem, come to a solution, and be happy with that solution.

And I’m a firm believer in not arguing while angry. So sue me. Here is the original, full text from the website (on the subject of conflict):

Conflict

Pros: Chances are that an introvert’s response to conflict, while slow in coming, will be a thoughtful one.

Cons: If you need to work out something right away, good luck. Introverts tend to need time for processing information before responding, so you might find yourself revisiting an argument from three days ago as if it were still fresh. It IS fresh — to an introvert.

Red Flag: Healthy arguments play a natural part in any relationship, but they require gaining closure of some sort for both parties. If you’re not careful and insistent on settling conflicts, nothing ever gets resolved… which can lead to resentment and distrust

You can read the full article, Tips for Dating an Introvert here.

Ever dated an introvert (or are you an introvert)? Have you ever found yourself doing this? How do you feel when your significant other brings up the topic of an argument days later?

Introverts — Better Than Extroverts?

19 Apr

 

I’m admittedly an introvert. I enjoy time alone to reflect, and being in large groups can be fun…BUT they are so taxing that I can’t do it all the time. I had considered myself and introvert for as long as I was consciously aware that introverts and extroverts existed, but it wasn’t until recently that I took a Myers-Briggs typology assessment (okay so it wasn’t actually Myers-Briggs, but it works on the same premise). You can find the questionnaire (as well as take it) here.

I was absolutely thrilled when my results listed me as mastermindMastermind? Hell yeah! Its technical name is INTJ, and because this post is focused on introversion and extroversion, the main point I bring you to is that the “I” stands for introvert. The extrovert of the mastermind would be the field marshall (which sounds a little scary, if you ask me).

Before I get too ahead of myself, I bring to you great information I found earlier today when I was looking for a good, solid definition of what it meant to be an introvert. Basically, what you are depends on how you react to people, and what you prefer to do socially. Introverts tend to be energetically and mentally drained when they are around groups of people for long periods of time. They prefer to draw their attention inward, and focus on their own thoughts.  Extroverts, on the contrary, are energized by being in groups, and have a tendency to seek out social situations. This is also a continuous scale, so most people fall in an area in which they are mostly one or the other, but also have a little bit of the opposite in them, depending on the circumstance in which they must react.

Being a mastermind, I’m strong willed and can easily take control of a situation to make sure every thing is done as it needs to be. I don’t feel suffocated by norms and ideals, and am overflowing with ideas. I, also, don’t need others to feel comfortable. Extroverts, however, often do.

While I was reading, I came upon a story of two women – one extrovert, one introvert – who were business partners, and how they interacted with one another. Something that stuck out to me was that one woman would call someone the second she left the door, and talk to someone until she got to the subway because she would get ‘lonely’ during the walk. This struck me as extremely strange, but probably only because I’m introverted. I know that introverts are by no means generally “better” than extroverts overall, but I like to think that they are. I think the best human beings are those that are independent of others, and can maintain oneself without the assistance of others. Cue the introvert. I’m obviously biased because of who I am, but it only makes sense to me.  What if you can’t get ahold of that person you need to talk to in order to keep you from being lonely? Loneliness. An introvert would never get stuck in a position like that.

This being said, I often find that its hard for me to be friends with those people who are strongly extroverted. I don’t seek out introverts, and I don’t consciously exclude extroverts from my group of friends; it just happens that way.  We like to do different things, and so our interests are vastly different. They like to hang out with groups and friends all the time. I enjoy hanging out with myself or 1 or 2 close friends. They are loud and don’t think deeply about things; I’m more quiet and contemplative. I’ll be acquaintances with these people, and I usually have a desire to become closer (maybe not with strong extroverts, but those with extrovert tendencies), but it just never works out because we don’t like to do the same things in our free times. I do admit, it can be a little frustrating, and I know I’m not the only one who deals with this.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you have trouble being friends with your opposite? Who do you think is better – introverts or extroverts? Why? What is your Myers-Briggs type?

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