30 Days of Online Dating: Day 7

It has been one week since I began my online dating adventure. And a dull one it has been. I have pretty much nothing to report, other than I’m growing tired of this whole business. I had hoped the new profile picture might make a difference, but so far, nothing.

Messages Sent: 0
Messages Received: 0
Conversations: 0

Intrigued by: 4
Mutual Intrigues: 0

Things learned (general): this website might not be the right one for me…; extremely attractive and highly intelligent appear to be mutually exclusive
Things learned about myself: I’m not a very patient person sometimes
Something I challenged myself to do: n/a

Most bizarre/shocking:  I thought I found two profiles with the same picture, and completely different information…turns out both guys were just cute and had similar pictures

 

Want to follow my dating excursion? Go here to begin the journey:30 Days of Online Dating

30 Days of Online Dating: Day 6

Finally, an interesting day! Mister flux capacitor messaged me back. Unfortunately, New Mexico is a permanent move (as permanent as moves in your 20’s can be).

Messages Sent: 1
Messages Received: 1
Conversations: 1

What we talked about: He said I didn’t have enough pictures on my profile. And then mentioned something about his neighbors hyperglycemic horses. He also mentioned a road trip, but I should probably not road trip with a stranger. (Right? Is that safe? I’m really bad at this because it sounds both terrible and really fun at the same time.) And then he wants to talk on the phone, and me to post pictures with animals *double swoon*

About the guy: 26, Environmental Engineer with a masters, 6’4″ *swoon*,  he says his perfect Sunday ends with “nuzzling with a honey badger”, secretly wants to be “a flux capacitor”
His date: How about we…Skype
My reservations: He lives in New Mexico :(

…and I don’t have fast enough internet to Skype…

Intrigued by: 15
Mutual Intrigues: 0

Things learned (general): a LOT of people want to go hiking (is that a Colorado thing???)
Things learned about myself: I feel really uncomfortable when strangers show interest in me; talking on the phone to a stranger is a terrifying concept; I already feel bored and maybe jaded with this whole process…I mean, I know I’ve always been one for instant gratification, but I thought I’d have at least a couple more messages by now…
Something I challenged myself to do: tell someone their picture is “cute” (this super adorable guy from Aurora that I really wish was closer)

Most bizarre/shocking:  jmthree writes how about we…”drive to Vegas and elope.” I don’t think I even need to elaborate on how bizarre that is…; found at least a couple people who aren’t in ANY of the pictures on their profile; jacklicious writes I have a weakness for girls who..”are perfect.” Um…really? Really really?? Good luck with that…

 

I’m going to be honest with you, dearest readers. I totally hit “intrigued” on jacklicious. Tall, dark, and handsome apparently got the best of me this time.

 

Oh…and I updated my profile picture. It’s amazing how much more pressure you feel about your dating profile picture versus your Facebook profile picture.

 

Want to follow my dating excursion? Go here to begin the journey:30 Days of Online Dating

 

30 Days of Online Dating: Day 5

I did even less today with the online dating thing than I did yesterday. It was “date night” with a friend of mine, so we’ve been hanging out since I got off work. I do have something exciting to report (kind of).

I got “asked out” on my first date! Granted…well..I guess you’ll see…

Messages Sent: 1
Messages Received: 0
Conversations: 0

About the guy: 26, Environmental Engineer with a masters, 6’4″ *swoon*,  he says his perfect Sunday ends with “nuzzling with a honey badger”, secretly wants to be “a flux capacitor”
His date: How about we…Skype
My reservations: He lives in New Mexico :(

…and I don’t have fast enough internet to Skype…

Intrigued by: 1
Mutual Intrigues: 0

Things learned (general): the heart button might mean that you “liked” them on “speed dating”?, apparently the best matches live in different states
Things learned about myself: location is important
Something I challenged myself to do: tell someone their picture is “cute” (this super adorable guy from Aurora that I really wish was closer)

Most bizarre/shocking: that “the guy” put nuzzling with a honey badger and wanting to be a flux capacitor on his profile (I did thoroughly enjoy reading his profile though)

 

That’s it for now.  Who wants to make bets on if NM man will actually message back?

 

Want to follow my dating excursion? Go here to begin the journey:30 Days of Online Dating

30 Days of Online Dating: Day 4

Not a lot going on in the internet dating world today. I did have an interesting little conversation with a coworker today. Went a little something like this:

Her: Please be safe when you’re going on these dates. You’re really bad at that.
Me: …I *am* really bad at that…
Her: You should run each date by a friend so they can tell you if it is safe or not. “Lets meet in a dark alley way”…probably not a good idea

And it is painfully true. Skinny dipping, driving into the mountains, going to his house to play video games…they all sound so much better than classic first dates in public places.

I’m actually already a little bored, but still trying to decide the best way to use this website. I could either choose matches based solely on the date (This date sounds fun, who cares if they are conservative, Christian, and want children???) or I could actually just use it like any other dating site and ignore the date (Christian, conservative, wants kids…not for me!).

Oh…and that guy I messaged yesterday didn’t message back…

Messages Sent: 1
Messages Received: 0
Conversations: 0

About the guy: 27 and local, has a goat (I think..possibly a sheep) in his profile picture, cute…no other information…
His date: How about we…create our own Willy Wonka adventure: Grab hot chocolates and then keep hitting up candy stores till we lapse into a sugar coma
My reservations: I know absolutely nothing about him, other than he probably works in some farm capacity, so he could be a terrible match (but the date sounds super fun!)

Intrigued by: 4
Mutual Intrigues: 0

Things learned (general): if you look at someones profile, it doesn’t change the day you looked in the “viewers” page, but you DO get an email; either I have different views of what “exercising” is, people are all lying, or I’m one lazy ass motherfucker…pretty much everyone has “often” for how frequently they exercise; it is frustrating when you click on a guys profile and he hasn’t filled out any information
Things learned about myself: abs are super intimidating; I’m a sucker for any guy with a picture that shows he has a cat (but not so much dogs); I want to ask every person who wants kids “some day” how important that is to them
Something I challenged myself to do: message someone who isn’t a “mutual” intrigue

Most bizarre/shocking: hotfaslzih has a picture of John Cusack as his profile picture, and occupation is listed as “baby mama”…

 

 

Any thoughts on how I should approach this date-based vs. not-date-based conundrum? Sound off in the comments!

 

Want to follow my dating excursion? Go here to begin the journey: 30 Days of Online Dating

30 Days of Online Dating: Day 3

 

Three days in and this website is really frustrating! I keep having to Google how to find certain functions that I know exist. Today, I found the “Visits” page which shows who has visited your profile. It’s an interesting thing…seeing you is seeing you and then figuring out if they were interested or not. I had 5 pages of views, but only one recently (yesterday).

In lieu of making my own poor dating choices, I decided to have a good friend of my help me sift through potential matches, and this is what happened:

Messages Sent: 1 (of 10 potential matches)
Messages Received: 0
Conversations: 0

About the guy: 26 and local, “has a weakness for animal lovers”, has a dog, doesn’t want kids, and is uninterested in faith/politics
His date: How about we…go bowling.
My reservations: Bowling sounds fun, but isn’t the most creative. I also can’t really see his face in the picture he has posted.

Intrigued by: 2
Mutual Intrigues: 0

Things learned (general): how to access the people who have viewed my profile (5 pages of views, only one of which was in the past 3 days); the vast majority of the men I’ve browsed through have been white (area demographics? website demographics?)
Things learned about myself: I generally aim to date late 20s to early 30s but the majority of people I have “favorited” or been “intrigued” by are younger than me (my age range is set to 24-35); I apparently only find white men and the occasional black man attractive, despite my hispanic descent; going to church is apparently a much bigger turn-off than I ever imagined it would be
Something I challenged myself to do: message someone who has also been intrigued by yours truly (feeling is mutual)

Most bizarre/shocking: No dick pics yet???

 

Tomorrow perhaps it is onto messaging someone who isn’t also mutually intrigued. I have my eye on someone…we’ll see.

Toodles!

 

Want to follow my dating excursion? Go here to begin the journey: 30 Days of Online Dating

30 Days of Online Dating: Day 2

The sun has set and risen, and so it appears that this online dating thing wasn’t a dream. While I’ve confirmed that I’m useless at making first moves, I’ve discovered little new about myself otherwise. It is, however, a strong possibility that by the end of this month, I might be able to coin an algorithm for being interested/not interested in someone.

Right now, it appears that if you have any combination of 3 things that are less than desirable I will “x” you (its like…the opposite of “intrigued”? “swipe left”?). Want kids someday? Perhaps we can talk. Christian? Okay, maybe. Conservative? Nope. X

Here’s the breakdown for today. Sorry it isn’t more exciting.

Messages Sent: 0
Messages Received: 0
Conversations: 0

Intrigued by: 22+ (includes yesterdays blue hearts. oops.)
Mutual Intrigues: 4

Things learned (general): know what a particular function does before you use it; profile information is important to have!; pictures with mom are actually really adorable (should that be a red flag?)
Things learned about myself: being taller than me is more important than I thought; if I click through too many profiles at once, I start to X people more quickly
Something I challenged myself to do: purposely hit the “intrigue” button

Most bizarre/shocking: longrod21 writes “How about we…Hook up”

Come on, longrod21! That’s what Tinder is for!

 

That’s all for tonight. See you on the flip-side!

 

Want to follow my dating excursion? Go here to begin the journey: 30 Days of Online Dating

30 Days of Online Dating: Day 1

Online dating is something I’ve considered a few times in the past few years. I was really excited (and nervous) to try it about a year ago, but then decided to wait it out a little bit, for various reasons. I did sign up for HowAboutWe.com, but because I didn’t pay, the website was basically useless. If you’re unfamiliar with the website, instead of just browsing through pictures and profiles, you browse through possible dates. I liked this idea because it took some pressure off, and involved much less judgment (in my opinion). Well, after discovering the fellow I was interested in got a girlfriend, I decided to take the plunge into the online world of dating. That was yesterday. This is today: I paid for a month at HowAboutWe.com.

I hope you’ll join my in my adventures (or misadventures) in the online world of dating. In only a few short hours, I’ve already discovered a few things about the dating pool.

1. The amount of people who don’t want children is shockingly low.
2. Instant turn-off date ideas all involve some variation of “…and see where it leads” or “…and see what happens” (I’m pretty sure this means you are looking to hook up, and should probably just get a tinder).
3. I thought it would be a lot easier to make a move online than it is in person, and I was very, very wrong. Hitting the “I’m intrigued” button is absolutely horrifying.

Once I paid, I put up several flattering photos of myself and updated my profile information. I don’t have the slightest idea how far away I should date, so I guess I’ll have to feel that out some. And even though I haven’t been able to hit “I’m intrigued” for anyone yet, I have found myself pushing this little blue heart on their speed-dating section. I have no idea what happens when you push the heart, but it’s something!

I did add 10 men to my favorites (apparently early 30’s is my thing, though I do have a couple a touch younger than I). Maybe tomorrow I’ll take it a step further. I guess I’ll see you then!

 

Oh…and apparently the blue heart is just a sneaky version of “intrigued”.

Why the Single Life isn’t for Me

This post is in response to @buddy71, who on my previous post The Road to Peace, was interested in why having a significant other is so important to me.

It is a common question, especially from folks who either “love being single” or are currently in a relationship and “miss being single”. My disclaimer is as follows: I am a strong, independent, whole human being. I know who I am and I know what I want in life. I know where I’m going and where I’ve been. A significant other, while nice, does not define who I am, just as my choice in music does not define who I am.

The reason having a significant other is so important to me is actually quite simple. If you take all of the things I am and all of the things I do, you’ll find that some people bring out certain things more than others. I’ll use my love of video games and my love of being outside as an example. When I have strong relationships in my life, one of those may lie “dormant”. This means that if my best friend (or lover, or close sibling, etc) loves video games, I’m going to spend much more time playing video games than if my best friend (etc.) loves going hiking (in which case, video games are more likely to lay dormant because I’m spending so much time outside). Neither is more “right” or “better”, I am just able to express different parts of myself at different times.

This is why I like having a significant other. While my love for video games is great, as is my love for being outside, my desire to have someone to care for and love is a much more integral part of who I am. It is a part of myself that is very difficult to express without having a nice fellow in my life.

And it is a part of myself that I very much like to express, akin to my love of animals, and my quest for knowledge.

So yes, I am whole. That part of me is inside, and while unable to be fully expressed, I find myself caring very deeply for friends and very passionate about the things that I do. I just would like the ability to fully express it.

What are some pieces of yourself that are integral to your being? Do you ever find yourself in a similar situation to mine?

My Fairy Tale

My fairy tale isn’t filled with a Prince Charming, sweeping me off my feet unexpectedly, and galloping away on his white steed to a faraway castle living happily ever after (which includes what I’m not sure – probably 14 children and 7 mistresses, but that’s just speculation).

My Prince Charming is a little less charming and a little more socially awkward with a dash of shy and a bit of introvert. Our white steed is us walking up the road a bit to the general store to get ice cream push-pops and soda, because we forgot to go shopping [again]. My happily ever after is laughing with each other and at each other, and being goofy and spontaneous, and travelling the world together, and trying that new restaurant we’ve never eaten at, loving our pets because children are gross, and staying up late because we don’t have to get out of bed the next morning, and surprising each other with breakfast anyway. I’ll make him soup when he is sick, and he’ll rub my tummy when it’s my turn. I’ll beat him at every game we play, because he has actually won probably about half, but who is keeping score anyway?

We will be the perfect team.

A Short Musing About Relationships

Relationships should never be made from jealousy and obsession. That is the best way to ensure that you will remain unhappy and unfulfilled.

Instead, relationships should be born from passion, and acceptance. Passion to be with and care for another human, passion for the same things, passion to grow together, and acceptance that what you see is what you get, that they have a past and so do you, and that who and how they are now is what they will continue to be.

Just a thought.