Tag Archives: college

Truth Speak: Dorm Life, Why I Can’t Make Friends

12 May

All of the encounters we have in our day to day lives shape us into who we are. That doesn’t change as we get older; we just have more encounters under our belt.

The memory I’m about to share with you is actually a really painful memory, and unless I’ve blogged about it before (and forgotten) it isn’t something I share with many people.

I’ll start with saying that it hasn’t ever been easy for me to make friends, but it used to be easier. The biggest thing that usually stopped me was reservation and being introverted, which are pretty normal things. That also means I really value what friends I have, and I will go to the ends of the earth for my friends. I like to give as much as I can, but it is important for so many reasons – you send out positive vibes into the universe, and you’re not only happier, but you’re bound to get good back! Now, my story…

Five years ago, I was a sophomore in college living in the dorms. Things went really well when I first moved in. I met people and everyone seemed really cool and really nice. I have so many pictures from that year. I had a corner room, and we did all kinds of fun stuff in there, as I didn’t have a roommate. Life was good. It just so happens that I was living next to some really cute, really nice guys, which is the center of what happened.

I was interested in one of them, Rob. He was really nice, had a great smile, and was interested in things that I hadn’t been exposed to (which I find totally fascinating). Being the passive person I am, I was perfectly fine being friends. I knew I wasn’t going to ask him to date me, or make a move, or any such thing.

One day, we were talking, and he mentioned that he was super stressed and tired because he had so much to do for school that week. I decided to write him an encouraging note, because in college, we could all use some encouragement. I got out a purple marker and a piece of paper and wrote a simple note that said something along the lines of good luck with all your tests this week! I know you’ll do great! I stuck it under his door so he would see it before leaving for class, and went on my way.

The next day came and went, and no mention of the note. At one point, I saw it lying on the floor still, and couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t said anything. My question was answered by his neighbor on the other side, Marlena. I don’t remember why we were talking, or if there was a reason she brought it up, but she decided to tell me that I “needed to let up” because Rob said I was “starting to creep”.

At the time, it was hurtful, but nothing compared to how it feels now when I think back on it. I ended up grabbing the note when no one was looking, and ripping it up to throw in the trash.

The worst part? I never got to defend myself. Any attempt at the time was feeble at best, and I tried just to shake it off and forget about it. Little did I realize that 5 years later, I would hold back from attempting to make friends because asking someone to hang out made me feel like a predator. That’s real life, real time.

But I want them to know. I want them to know why, and how hurtful their words were.

Yes, I liked Rob. But I thought we were good enough friends that I could show him a nice gesture. That I could give him some encouragement in a rough time. I failed all but one of my classes that semester. I needed encouragement, and if I needed it, I knew others did, too. I wasn’t the first, though. Another girl on our floor had written at least a couple notes before, and taped them to his door. Was that my mistake? That I wanted to make sure he saw it before he went to class? I can’t figure out what made it creepy when I did it, but perfectly okay that she did. I had even heard him thank her for the nice note before, so when he didn’t even acknowledge that I reach out just made me feel terrible. I don’t even know why Marlena decided to tell me what she did, either. She wasn’t the nicest girl, but I can’t imagine someone wanting to make me feel that way when I hadn’t done anything to her. It doesn’t make sense that she would have said that to benefit me, though.

I hate that this has effected me as much as it has. I asked a coworker if she wanted to share a pizza with me after work and it caused me so much anxiety. I’m constantly worried that by reaching out to people to be friends, that they are going to label me the same. I don’t know how to get over this. I try to push myself out of my comfort zone, but even when I do hang out with these people, I still get anxiety when I think about continuing trying to be friends.

I really want this to reach these guys, one way or another. It probably won’t, but I think they deserve to know how their words affect others. I think deserve to defend myself. I think anyone could benefit from reading my story, too, because we tend to talk about others in less-than-positive ways. That can really impact someone, so spread the word.

Share so maybe it will reach these guys. Share so I can defend myself. Share so others might think twice about what they say when they talk about others. Any advice? I’m open.

Facebook Friends: The Breakdown

13 Dec

I went through my Facebook friends when I realized I have 257. That is way too many. I reach a point, though, when I can’t decide who I should or should not keep on the list.

I also thought it would be nice if I made it a point to actually interact offline with everyone on my friends list. I realized that was a little difficult, because honestly, I have no desire to be friends with so many of my Facebook friends.

I broke down the numbers into categories, which I’m sure you can all relate to. It’s interesting to see how many folks are in each category.

First of all, I categorized people by how I know people who are on my Facebook, with no regard to if it is a desirable reason. Here is what that looks like:

Family – 55
We Work Together – ll
We Went to College Together – 29
We Used to Work Together – 28
We Are Both from the Same Town/High School – 95
The Internet – 11
You Know Someone I Know – 19

Then, I broke it down even more, and categorized people by why. It makes me feel like I have a LOT of deleting to do. Here is what that looks like:

People I’m Good Friends With – 15
People I’m Friends With – 11
People I’m Acquaintances With, But Would Like to be Good Friends With – 15
People I WAS Acquaintances With, But We Never Became Good Friends, and I Will Likely Never See or Talk to Them Again – 37
People in the Right Place/Right Time or Who I Have Friends in Common With – 11
Family – 54
People I Work With or People I’ve Spoken to a Few Times and It Might Be Awkward if I Delete Them and See Them in the Future – 18
Internet People (Regardless of How Well I Do or Do Not Know) – 11
People I Was Okay Friends with in High School, but We Aren’t Now – 34
Random People from High School Who Just Added Me – 39

The categories in bold are those that are safe from being deleted. Of course, things change and their categories will change. People from the ‘acquaintances’ category often move down into ‘likely to never see or talk to again’ because we never made it past acquaintances. Family is a give or take…I’m unlikely to delete them, but if they consistently post things I don’t like to see, I will remove them from my feed (frequent pot posts are a big one, here). Random people from high school should probably be the quickest to delete. We weren’t friends then, you are never going to ask me to hang out, and thus…why are we Facebook friends?

The ‘was acquaintances’ is a toss up, too. That is really a transition category to ‘awkward if I delete you’. I have to wait a grace period to see if I will actually ever see them in the future, or not.

So 41 people are safe. Plus 34 because I will probably see those people when I go home, and we will make small talk and enjoy ourselves but not keep in touch otherwise…that makes 75. Add family, because…family. That is 129 people. For funsies because the only way to keep in touch with internet people is the internet, that gives us 140 people. That is 117 people up in the air. We know I won’t delete them all. I might delete like…5.

And that isn’t to say that I dislike 117 people of 257. It just means that 117 people probably don’t have enough of an interest in me to hang out and be friends, or vice versa. To be perfectly honest, I’m sure most of the 117 people I actually do like, but for whatever reason, our friendship will never blossom. It shouldn’t matter to you what category you’re in, either. Either you really like me and make attempts to show me that, or you don’t. And if you don’t, then why are we Facebook friends again?

Isn’t it interesting the break down of why people are actually on your Facebook, and how you met them? How many Facebook friends do you have, and how do you think your numbers break down?

My Decision to Postpone College

28 Aug


When I was in 3rd grade, I made a decision that affected the rest of my life. I decided, at the ripe old age of 9, that I was going to pursue veterinary medicine as my career. To this day, that has remained my goal.

I finally finished classes for my bachelors degree, but that isn’t even close to my goal. At this point, I still have 6 years of college ahead of me, as I am going to get my vet tech certificate before going to vet school.

Originally I planned on beginning at the local community college in the fall following the completion of my bachelors, but that ended up being pushed back to the spring. In retrospect, I think that was the better decision – after being in school for 18 years, a break is inviting and welcome.

And that brings me to the present. I’ve reached a point at my current job at which I find myself unable to advance or grow, and that is, in a word…unfortunate. The unfortunate part of it all is that I don’t feel as though I am done with my non-profit job. I like the work we do, but I can’t handle another year if scooping poop and scrubbing floors.

Call me conceited, but I think I’ve paid my dues.

But, because of my decision to go back to school, I can’t work any other position at my current company.

That is why I have decided to wait until next fall to continue my education.

First, if I get the position I am applying for, I will have the opportunity to work hand-in-hand with a certified dog behaviorist. That isn’t an opportunity that comes around every day.

Second, I need a break. I need to want to study. I need to miss the knowledge.

And finally, I need to be a young adult for a while. All I have known is barely scraping by because I am going to school full time and working the rest of the time just to be able to pay bills. I want to enjoy being on my own, and being an adult, and being a 20-something while I am still a 20-something. When I finish college, I will be about 31. That’s too old to not have had some life me time.

What do you think of my decision? Are my reasons valid? What has your experience with school and your career been?

30 Day Letter Challenge: Dear Person I’ve Drifted Away From

25 Jun

Dear Person I’ve Drifted Away From,

It’s strange how even if I don’t talk to you for months, the second I see you again it feels like we’ve spent every day together.

I think its because I know you think of me, and I think of you…and that’s the mark of true friendship. Life is busy, really, and so we don’t get a chance to talk…but every time you drunk dial me it’s because you are thinking of me.

I don’t mind the drunk dials. That’s the side of you that I know exists, but that you keep hidden so well that most others don’t.

I still hope you’ll move here, and we can be best friends again. I really like having one person in my life who I can hang out with every day if I so desire, and you are one of those people.

Keep in mind, that while we don’t chat as often as we should, and I rarely see you, that you can always confide in me, and look to me in your time of need.

You’re awesome. Never forget that.

Always, Me

30 Day Letter Challenge: Dear Person I Should Talk to More

21 Jun

Dear Person I wish I talked to more,

You are fabulous, and I’m so glad that I met you. You are one of the only reasons why my freshman year of college was even slightly bearable, and I thank you for that. You gave me so much advice and so much friendship that I’m forever grateful.

Unfortunately, after that year…well, we kind of went our separate ways. I can only hope it wasn’t on purpose, and that your life just got too busy, as did mine. Every time I see a post of yours on Facebook, though, I wish that we could hang out and laugh like we used to.

Maybe I should take more initiative, but I’m…not scared…intimidated, maybe. I’m tired of trying to claw my way into peoples lives, so…that’s why you don’t hear from me much.

Believe me, though, if you ever need anyone to hang out with, I’d be happy to oblige.

2 words: cake farts.

Always, Me

Reliving Embarrassing Moments

11 Sep

 

Some days, like today, I’ll be walking around, minding my own business. Then, out of no where a memory of something stupid I’ve done previously will pop into my head, and all the feeling of the moment will come rushing back.

Today, it was one that is quite frequent in my mind. I often get crushes on my TA’s, and even a class as terrible as Organic Chemistry lab isn’t an exception. It was more like a pseudocrush due to his position than a real crush. For the entire semester, I couldn’t help but think he looked like Michael Sheen from Dirty, Filthy Love. When the last day of lab came, I decided to tell him, and his ‘and why do I care’ reaction caused me to over-elaborate on who the character was (since he hadn’t seen the film). I proceeded to tell him about the sex scene that the character and his ex-wife have, and how he barks when he orgasms. I’m pretty sure I even showed him the clip from that scene.

Um. Awkward.

So, yeah. I relived that today. And various other times since then (and that was 3 and 1/2 years ago).

What embarrassing moments do you relive often enough to wish you didn’t?

Dating a Friend’s Ex

3 Sep

 

Its a really big thing in middle school and high school, but I can’t be sure about college and life outside of school entirely. Its like an unspoken rule: you should never date your friend’s, especially best friend’s, ex-boyfriend.

I kind of have a problem with that. Just because your friend’s ex wasn’t right for her, doesn’t mean he is wrong for you, and limiting your options isn’t fair to you. I understand that your friend might feel hurt, but life goes on.

Is this really a rule people follow after high school? Is it okay to date a friend ex?