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The [True] Value of Friendship

29 Apr

Friendship is something I value greatly, but I’ve found as I’ve developed and lost friendships, that not everyone feels as strongly about friends as I do.

Recently, I had a bit of a falling out with a friend. Something inside of me is holding back from relaying all the nasty little details, so I won’t indulge, but really…it sucks! One should always surround themselves with positive energy and good people, so it isn’t unusual for me to stop being friends with people who bring me down, but I feel like when I say that, most people think that I mustn’t value friendship at all. That isn’t accurate in the slightest, though. It’s actually extremely painful to lose a friend, and no matter how mad I am at someone, or what they did, I always relish in the fun times that we’ve had together. Honestly, I wish I never had to deal with friends being…unfriendly…because it hurts, and I hate it, and I just want things to go back to being happy.

There is one thing I’ve found with every friend-problem I’ve ever had that just isn’t fair. The other friend never admits fault. I’ve always been the one to break the ice, and go in, and usually apologize for not talking to them or being mad or whatever it may be.  Okay…that’s a lie. I had one friend admit that she was acting poorly to me.

Regardless, it’s just not fair. And no…life isn’t fair, but I don’t want to lose a friend just because I want them to want to be my friend, but they won’t take the steps to make that happen.

That’s what it comes down to: they don’t want to be my friend, or rather, they don’t need to be my friend.

Every friend I have is a jewel in their own right. They come with their own set of rules that makes them them. And yes, I generally hand-pick my friends because I want to surround myself with good people and good influences. Any one of these friends means the world to me, and I don’t have a lot of investment in anything else: I don’t have a best friend and I don’t have a significant other, so each friend is massively important to me.

Unfortunately, I think that is the problem.

While I consider my friends so important and I want to keep each and every one of them, my friends don’t consider me as such. Or some of them, at least. That has to be the reason why friends don’t come to me and apologize. We all have those friends who have a million friends and/or acquaintances, and they have a best friend, and they have a significant other…and they don’t need you to be friends with them, so they don’t try and they don’t care, and if they do something wrong…whatever.

These friends don’t apologize, and it makes me feel so dispensable. That’s really all I want, is for my friends to consider me as important to them as they are to me. I know I’m not the only one with this problem – I’ve talk to some folks who are feeling the exact same way.

Unfortunately, some people value friendship much more than others, and that makes me sad.

Do you ever feel like you are dispensable to your friends? What do you do when you miss being friends with someone, but don’t want to have to be the one to break the ice again? What are your most common friendship issues?

Feeling Inspired

8 Jul

Tonight, I feel inspired. 

It’s late, and while I should probably go to bed, I know that if I don’t write this now, it’s unlikely I will tomorrow.

So. I feel inspired. In an I’m so small compared to the universe and all it houses kind of way. If that makes any sense at all.

I sat with some friends tonight and had wonderful conversations with all of them, but I feel like I need more. In the days to come, I’ll share some of these conversations with you. Unfortunately, only one of these friends actually reads my content, but I’ll take it. I’m sure what I write about isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.

The conversations were good, but I need more.

I’m so small, and my inspiration so big that I want to share it with someone equally as small. Just the two of us, in this vast universe we find ourselves in. Deep conversation while admiring the night sky and talking about where we’ve been and where we are and where we’ll go. A quiet night with only our voices letting the other know that we do exist. 

I’m inspired to feel timeless. To connect. To wonder. To dream. To think. 

What are some ways you like to express yourself when you feel inspired?

30 Day Letter Challenge: Dear Person in a Different State

26 Jun

Dear Person in a Different State,

I miss you all the damn time. There were a few times when I questioned if I actually could tell you anything, but regardless, I told you more than I tell most people.

You’ve been a really good friend, and I’m glad that you are doing what is best for you and for your career, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish you were still here.

Who do I play cards with? Or go to the Alley Cat with? Or sit on my couch for hours at a time with?

I know it’s selfish, but I still wish you were here.

I don’t know what else to say. You tried to get me to tell you I was sad that you were leaving, and it’s true, I was and still am. I just get awkward in situations like that, so my apologies if you ever felt like you weren’t going to be missed. You are.

Keep your head up, and work hard. Whatever it is that you need to do, I am confident you’ll do it. (Now you just need to meet Darren…)

Always, Me