Tag Archives: best

The Art of Forgiveness

1 Mar

Anyone who says forgiveness is anything less than an art has never had to forgive someone of something monumental.

Forgiveness. It comes in many forms, and sometimes comes with “forgetting”, though I don’t know if that part is every truly enacted. Acceptance is probably better to do than forget, because if you accept you no longer have to feel the pain or frustration or whatever emotion is tied to the forgiveness.

Sometimes, we will forgive someone almost instantly. Say someone accidentally trips me, or smashes my hand in something…acceptance is almost immediate, and forgiveness isn’t even questioned.

Then, you find yourself in a situation similar to myself.

A very long, long time ago I had a friend, who I cut out of my life. It was partially intentional, and partially just the course of life. There weren’t any single events that caused my decision to do this, but rather a series of events that showed me how unhealthy our relationship was. No matter how many times I would forgive her, I could never fully accept the state of things. Thus, they kept piling on one another, as did the emotions tied to these events.

It was almost sudden, how our friendship ended. And I know that I made the right choice, because the time following were wonderful and amazing, and I didn’t have any of that toxicity in my life.

But now, older as I find myself, acceptance has brightened my past. I no longer feel the emotions that were once tied to all the things I kept forgiving. When and how that happened, I am unsure. What I am sure of, is that while I can look back to that point in my life and no longer feel pain, frustration, and guilt, I can still look back and feel the pleasure of when times were good. We shared some really good moments, and I know that I owe part of who I am to this former friend.

With this almost rose-colored view of our friendship comes a subtle desire to re-connect. I don’t know if she would be interested, and I don’t know how similar we are to our former, high school selves. Without her in my life, I do lack the ability to reminisce on what happened to be so many nights with just the two of us. But opening that door is scary, too. Obviously, there was a problem with our relationship, as I never forget. It’s hard to say if that problem would still exist and if having her back in my life would be healthy.

I just want to open the door slightly, and peek inside, but I don’t know if there is a way to do that. Something tells me this is either all or nothing.

Do you say “forgive and forget” or another variation? If you’ve cut someone out of your life, do you ever let them back in? Why? What do you think of the saying “if there was a problem then, there will be a problem now”?

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The Territoriality of the Female Homosapien

14 Oct

This is a topic I’ve wanted to write about for quite some time, but for whatever reason the words just don’t seem to come like I want them to.

The idea first struck me when within a week a few months ago, I had heard it spoken and talked about in three different mediums. One of them was actually Girl Code, a show on MTV that is quite entertaining and often enough relateable.

So what am I actually talking about? Territoriality, specifically of women over their male friends. We’ve all been there…at least I know I have. When I was in high school, and really even up to this day, I struggled frequently with accepting any girl that my best friend liked. She was either not pretty enough, not nice enough, not right enough. I think we often use the excuse that we just want what’s best for our best friend, and in our eyes, nothing short of perfect is good enough for our perfect bestie, but it’s just an excuse. We do want the best, of course, but really, we want him for ourselves, even if we have him forever friend-zoned.

Just think about it. A new girl means your best guy friend isn’t spending as much time with you as he used to. It’s even worse if you are single.

And that’s when we start getting catty. To him, to her. And we make excuses, and sometimes even go as far as breaking them up.

But it isn’t our place. Yes, friends are important. Yes, we care about them and want whats best. And yes, sometimes that isn’t us, because significant others are important, too.

Really, there is room for both significant others and friends. No need to get catty, ladies.

Can you think of a time when you were territorial over a guy friend? How do you deal with it? Do you become catty? Why do you think girls do this, and do you think men do this with their best female friends?

30 Day Letter Challenge: Dear Person in a Different State

26 Jun

Dear Person in a Different State,

I miss you all the damn time. There were a few times when I questioned if I actually could tell you anything, but regardless, I told you more than I tell most people.

You’ve been a really good friend, and I’m glad that you are doing what is best for you and for your career, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish you were still here.

Who do I play cards with? Or go to the Alley Cat with? Or sit on my couch for hours at a time with?

I know it’s selfish, but I still wish you were here.

I don’t know what else to say. You tried to get me to tell you I was sad that you were leaving, and it’s true, I was and still am. I just get awkward in situations like that, so my apologies if you ever felt like you weren’t going to be missed. You are.

Keep your head up, and work hard. Whatever it is that you need to do, I am confident you’ll do it. (Now you just need to meet Darren…)

Always, Me

30 Day Letter Challenge: Dear Person I’ve Drifted Away From

25 Jun

Dear Person I’ve Drifted Away From,

It’s strange how even if I don’t talk to you for months, the second I see you again it feels like we’ve spent every day together.

I think its because I know you think of me, and I think of you…and that’s the mark of true friendship. Life is busy, really, and so we don’t get a chance to talk…but every time you drunk dial me it’s because you are thinking of me.

I don’t mind the drunk dials. That’s the side of you that I know exists, but that you keep hidden so well that most others don’t.

I still hope you’ll move here, and we can be best friends again. I really like having one person in my life who I can hang out with every day if I so desire, and you are one of those people.

Keep in mind, that while we don’t chat as often as we should, and I rarely see you, that you can always confide in me, and look to me in your time of need.

You’re awesome. Never forget that.

Always, Me

30 Day Letter Challenge: Dear Person I Hate

23 Jun

Dear Person I Hate,

Some say “hate” is a strong word, but you need a strong for for strong feelings.

We had some of the best times when we were friends, but you just couldn’t let me be happy. Hell, you couldn’t let yourself be happy, so I guess I shouldn’t expect anything of it.

You’re manipulative, self-destructive, and really…you are just a terrible person. Not a good person that just isn’t nice sometimes…terrible.

You’ve judged me, you’ve told me I was going to hell, you’ve accused me of trying to steal your boyfriend…and all I’ve done throughout all of it was try to stick by your side and help you through the rough times.

Well, there comes a day when it just isn’t good enough, and finally, I did what was best for me. I don’t wish you the best of luck and I don’t wish you happiness. The first two times we stopped being friends should have been enough for me to realize that you are toxic, but they weren’t. That’s my fault, unfortunately. But never, ever will we be friends again.

Not after the way you treat yourself and everyone around you.

Always, Me

30 Day Letter Challenge: Dear Bestie

12 Jun

To introduce what I’m doing before I just jump in…there are various “30 Day Challenges” running amuck around the interwebs. One of them, as introduced to me by a subscriber/friend/blogger I follow, is a letter challenge. Basically, you just post a letter each day to the person dictated by the challenge list. So, here we go. I hope you enjoy reading. I think this might be as raw as my writing gets, so it might not make much sense, but I suppose that’s how my brain flows.

 

Dear Bestie,

We haven’t always been best friends, and I’m not sure if you even consider me your best friend, but at this point in my life you are definitely my best friend.

I’ve actually been afraid to label it that for a long time, but I don’t know why. Seems silly.

You are there for me through thick and thin, and you’ve always been so supportive of me. I can only hope that I have been supportive of you, and that I’ve been able to match your niceness and generosity.

No one else has made such attempts to stay in contact with me. I so wish you would move to Fort Collins; you would love it here.

Remember all the nights we would “break in” to old houses trying to scare ourselves? Or the nights we would drive up and down 6th street for hours, some times dancing like fools?

What about the time we didn’t talk to each other for 2 weeks? I’m so glad that we pulled through that, because it is not something I would have wanted to look back on and regretted. It was really stupid of us.

But we made it. I look forward in the future and see you living only an hour away, so that we can hang out whenever we want. I see friend dates and cooking parties and card nights. Definitely card nights.

Hopefully, I’ll see you soon. I miss you so much!!

Always, Me

Quitting Friends

19 Sep

 

I may have posted about this before, and if so, I apologize.

I always have to ask myself is it me or is it them because I feel like I have this problem a lot. My friends aren’t there for me when I need them, and its really upsetting. There are times when one of my friendships is so one way, I just have to ask myself if its worth it. I’ve had my share of friend break-ups in the past, and I like to think they were all for good reason. If I make an effort, I expect an effort to be made for me, so when one isn’t for long enough, I’m really okay with calling it quits. It hurts, but it hurts more consistently otherwise.

There was one time when I decided it was time to call it quits. My friend, “Kevin”, had been part of my life for quite a while. We were close, but hanging out with him was impossible. I could ask him every day for a month and not see him once. It was just too frustrating, so I sent him a text telling him that if he really wanted to be my friend he would have to make all the effort, because I was done. He got really upset at that and made all these excuses and finally got me to go have pizza with him. I still consider him my friend now, but I could put in all the effort in the world and still not see him, so I don’t.

Right now, I have this gut feeling that I should break-up with another friend, but at the same time I feel like it would just be easier to stop making any effort and just let the friendship gradually fade away.

Do you or have you had any friend break-ups? How do you go about it? What was the last straw to push you over?