Archive | September, 2015

Why the Single Life isn’t for Me

12 Sep

This post is in response to @buddy71, who on my previous post The Road to Peace, was interested in why having a significant other is so important to me.

It is a common question, especially from folks who either “love being single” or are currently in a relationship and “miss being single”. My disclaimer is as follows: I am a strong, independent, whole human being. I know who I am and I know what I want in life. I know where I’m going and where I’ve been. A significant other, while nice, does not define who I am, just as my choice in music does not define who I am.

The reason having a significant other is so important to me is actually quite simple. If you take all of the things I am and all of the things I do, you’ll find that some people bring out certain things more than others. I’ll use my love of video games and my love of being outside as an example. When I have strong relationships in my life, one of those may lie “dormant”. This means that if my best friend (or lover, or close sibling, etc) loves video games, I’m going to spend much more time playing video games than if my best friend (etc.) loves going hiking (in which case, video games are more likely to lay dormant because I’m spending so much time outside). Neither is more “right” or “better”, I am just able to express different parts of myself at different times.

This is why I like having a significant other. While my love for video games is great, as is my love for being outside, my desire to have someone to care for and love is a much more integral part of who I am. It is a part of myself that is very difficult to express without having a nice fellow in my life.

And it is a part of myself that I very much like to express, akin to my love of animals, and my quest for knowledge.

So yes, I am whole. That part of me is inside, and while unable to be fully expressed, I find myself caring very deeply for friends and very passionate about the things that I do. I just would like the ability to fully express it.

What are some pieces of yourself that are integral to your being? Do you ever find yourself in a similar situation to mine?

The Road to Peace

10 Sep

To say that I’ve been struggling lately is quite the understatement, as the universe seems to have handed me the perfect storm. Feeling the need to find a new job is one thing, as is feeling the need to move. But the overwhelming urgency to find a new job, a new car, a new place to live in a new town, a boyfriend, and wanting to get rid of your pets without the support of friends, said boyfriend, or said pets is a different story entirely.

I’m no stranger to this, though, and after a somewhat embarrassing gush of emotion to a friend I discovered that nothing would change unless I centered myself and focused my efforts on something. The problem isn’t these things. 

The problem was me.

I spread myself so thin worrying about all of these things, that everything was crumbling and slipping through my fingers, no matter how desperately I tried to hold on and pick up the pieces.

I needed to do some soul-searching and find my center again. Most people wouldn’t describe me as “spiritual”, if for no other reason than the fact that I’m atheist.

I would, though. I am a very spiritual person.

[Some might also call me superstitious, but that is a story for another day.]

What did I do? Well, I sat down on my bed and did some brief meditating over my tarot cards, and I did 3 spreads. In those spreads, I found my answer. I found what I needed to let go of, and what I needed to work on. And it was wonderful.

The next day, I got home from work, and did my very first yoga session, armed with nothing but me, a towel, and a very excitable, very eager dog.

Rinse, and repeat.

Today, I had a tai chi session, followed by a yoga session, followed by a delightful session of writing. Sometimes you strive for so much control, that you begin losing control. That was where I was. The universe had different plans for me, and to gain the control I am looking for in my life, it just turns out I had to give up the control, first.

The One Time Someone Stood Up for Me

7 Sep

I guess I can only say as much as I know, so if there was ever a time when someone stood up for me when I wasn’t there, I can’t really say (that isn’t usually something you tell a person). I can only think of one time in my 26 years that someone has stood up for me when I was present, though. I should be thankful for that, and I suppose I am, because if you always require someone else to fight for you, you’re not doing a very good job standing up for yourself.

That one time was when I was 16. It happened on the football field, of all places, and it happened between two fellows who just so happened to have the same name. I was football manager at the time, and being wet was apparently a requirement for the job. Leaking water bottles, leaking Gatorade jugs, melting ice, and the frequent enough squirt from a bottle (intentional or otherwise). Most of the season was hot, so it was a fortunate side effect.

This particular story takes place on a very warm end-of-summer day. It was more than likely August, and while it was still the beginning of the school year, we all knew each other anyway. That was the side effect of small town living.

The details are a little foggy, as I can’t remember if it was the beginning or end of practice (end, perhaps?) and how physical the altercation was between these two football players I can’t say for sure.

I do remember that I was wearing a red ribbed tank with a black flame on the left side and jeans. Always jeans. And I remember standing on the east side of the field, near the bleachers. More than likely, there was a water break that started it. More than likely I was collecting bottles. More than likely, this guy stuck around a little longer than the rest not for an “extra sip” but because he had a major crush on me (the likes of which he had professed several times).

He turned to me, made some off-handed now-forgotten comment, and poured the entire contents of the water bottle he was holding down my shirt. Things like this happen to me more than I should probably willingly admit, but this time was different. This time, another play came over. This time he yelled at the guy who had just poured water all over me. He told him never to do it again. I think there was some pointing, and I think he very much got in the others face. I don’t think he grabbed his shirt, but the possibility exists, I suppose.

The sheer force of his words defending me and standing up for me was impressive. The look of fear on this other guys face was probably even more impressive.

And that was the one time someone actually stood up for me. While I don’t suppose I would be much different had it not happened, but I am oh so thankful to that man for doing that. It was one of those moments that fuels your faith in humanity, however minute, and regardless of how much you know about things like the bystander effect.

Have you ever stood up for someone? Have you ever been stood up for? 

 

Aside 2 Sep

You know what I want? Deep conversation.

The kind of conversation where the rest of the world melts away, and time just stands still. The only thing that exists are you, the other person, and the words between you.

That’s what I want.