When is it Your Place to Interfere?

20 Sep

There are a few things weighing on my mind at the moment (not that that is unusual). One of those things is the appropriate relationship status between two people in relation to when it is okay to intervene or express your opinion about something they are doing or saying.

I have a feeling that half of my readers just went never.

While yes, I understand your reasoning for thinking that…let’s be honest. There isn’t a single person on this planet who hasn’t given unsolicited advice to a friend. This brings me to my question…when is it even remotely okay to do that?

I have friends who feel that at no point is it okay to put your two cents in about a relationship unless cheating has been witnessed or there is the possibility of abuse. I have other friends who will give their opinion on your entire relationship at the drop of a hat. My philosophy tends to swing toward the former, and that is mostly because I really hate for people to give me their opinions on things they aren’t involved in.

There is also something to say about how close you are with a person to what you can tell them. The difference between an acquaintance and your best friend is monumental. The same can be said for a friend versus a significant other. I will put up with a lot more from a friend than I will a significant other.

So, taking that into consideration, when is it appropriate to say I think your girlfriend wants to fuck that guy or I wish you’d ditch the cigarettes. Do I really know that your girlfriend feels that way? No. Could it royally screw things up? Yes. Could it save some heartache later? Yes. Do I expect you to quit smoking cold turkey just because I don’t like it? No. Do I care about you and want you to be a living member of my life? Yes.

I guess it is also a little more complicated than just saying how you feel. It is also the prevalence of how often you express concern, and in what capacity.

When do you think you know someone well enough to express concern to them about their life? Is it okay to express concern, as long as you don’t intervene? When is it INAPPROPRIATE?

2 Responses to “When is it Your Place to Interfere?”

  1. buddy71 September 20, 2015 at 7:57 pm #

    too many uncertainties to fully answer this question. there are many types of abuse and people put up with them for many reasons

    a deal breaker for me is smoking. no matter how interested i maybe in that person (woman) if she smokes i will not follow.

    giving unsolicited advice is really venturing out on thin ice.. and you should be prepared to accept the flash back.

    the internet does offer a bit of a safe way to express ones views and not suffer any real physical injury.

    one should always consider the source when hearing the advice. i think one should express ones concern about something if they are aware of a possible problem that may cause harm.

  2. thecuriousbum September 21, 2015 at 3:09 pm #

    I have talked to a few people and been advised about relationships. It seems like one of the many things where people often won’t listen to advice anyway, myself included. It’s usually in retrospect when one says, “Oh, they were right about that,” etc. So yeah, I’ll listen to complaints and carry a conversation but frankly kind of zone out … never had to deal with any seriously abusive stuff fortunately.

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