Archive | May, 2015

Humanity, Rape Culture, and When Rape is Okay?

27 May

Hello readers. I want to share something with you. Please, settle in, and read all these quotes about rape:

 

Rape him again n again till he bleeds to death through his asshole” – Justin Lyons

“He got what he deserved [by being raped]” – Trish Drury

“Don’t care if it’s wrong. He got what he deserved” – Connie Kostecky Mattair

“Good, hope it keeps happening.” – PerfectChaos

“…i hope he gets raped daily…” – TwiztedAngel

 

We talk about how we need to stop the cycle of rape culture, but here are 5 examples…pardon by language…some messed up shit! Real people said this. I didn’t make those up, they aren’t in books. The first three were from the comment section of a Facebook post, and the last 2 were from a forum. So what might you ask are these comments on? You might have already read the article, but a man who raped and killed a small child was taken to prison, and during the 30 days prior to his hearing, he was raped by 20 men. Then, because of the injuries he sustained, he was taken to the medic to be sewn up, following which he got raped again by the group again causing him to tear out his stitches and bleed through his pants.

If you’re interested in reading some more, and seeing pictures (required if you are going to post a comment similar to those above) you can find it here.

Seeing these pictures and thinking about the amount of pain he must have been in makes me physically ill. It makes me want to cry. No, no child deserves this. What he did to that child was also horrific. But this…it just makes the people who raped him rapists and suddenly, instead of having one child rapist there are now one child rapist and 20 rapists.

I simply can’t imagine having this feeling in my heart to wish that it would keep happening or this man would get raped daily or that he would bleed to death from his asshole. How do these people not have the same humanity?

What do you think? How do you think this plays into rape culture?

Good Things, Bad Habits

25 May

Late last Friday, not too long after midnight, I realized I had a problem.

I was travelling northwest from town, after having had a delicious dinner with a few friends, and on my way home for the night. I had to stop at a stoplight. I was officially out of the city limits, and the lack of streetlights and the consistently overcast weather made it dark.

Something caught my eye. Illuminated only by the stoplight I was at was a man standing in the street. He peaked my curiosity first, as it was such an odd sight and not even close to what I was expecting to see, but when I started motioning me I thought maybe the situation was more dire than I thought.

Nope. He was just drunk and lost, trying to find his friends who were in the part of town I just came from.

Cue my bad habit: I let him into my car and gave him a drive to his destination. Poor fool had been running in the wrong direction for who knows how long. Even he told me I shouldn’t be picking up people (being a woman of my age – funny, pretty sure he was younger than I am).

It really is probably true, but it makes me feel good about myself and the status of society. I’ve picked up around 10 people looking for rides, and for the most part, everyone has been really friendly and appreciative. Everyone talks about serial killers luring in people by “needing a ride”, and all the horrible things that happen, but to someone like me, it just goes to show all the good that can happen. I form a connection with these people, however brief our encounter is, that I know makes them feel that their fellow humans are there for them when they need it. If I was ever stranded, I hope that someone would give me a ride (yes I have hitchhiked successfully).

On the inside, it makes me feel wanted and like I have a purpose. One of my biggest goals is to inspire people, as you all know, and if I inspire someone to maybe take a chance and help someone in need, then great! [And hopefully no one dies.] We’ve all seen those videos about people needing help in public, but due to the psychological phenomenon that causes us to assume we aren’t responsible and anyone else will help them, they never get help. I’ve taken those videos to heart, and when I see someone in trouble I’m responsible and need to help them.

So yes, it is a bad habit, but it is definitely something good.

What is the good thing that you do that is actually a bad habit in practice? Or the bad thing that you do that is actually a good habit? Let me know in the comments!

Truth Speak: Dorm Life, Why I Can’t Make Friends

12 May

All of the encounters we have in our day to day lives shape us into who we are. That doesn’t change as we get older; we just have more encounters under our belt.

The memory I’m about to share with you is actually a really painful memory, and unless I’ve blogged about it before (and forgotten) it isn’t something I share with many people.

I’ll start with saying that it hasn’t ever been easy for me to make friends, but it used to be easier. The biggest thing that usually stopped me was reservation and being introverted, which are pretty normal things. That also means I really value what friends I have, and I will go to the ends of the earth for my friends. I like to give as much as I can, but it is important for so many reasons – you send out positive vibes into the universe, and you’re not only happier, but you’re bound to get good back! Now, my story…

Five years ago, I was a sophomore in college living in the dorms. Things went really well when I first moved in. I met people and everyone seemed really cool and really nice. I have so many pictures from that year. I had a corner room, and we did all kinds of fun stuff in there, as I didn’t have a roommate. Life was good. It just so happens that I was living next to some really cute, really nice guys, which is the center of what happened.

I was interested in one of them, Rob. He was really nice, had a great smile, and was interested in things that I hadn’t been exposed to (which I find totally fascinating). Being the passive person I am, I was perfectly fine being friends. I knew I wasn’t going to ask him to date me, or make a move, or any such thing.

One day, we were talking, and he mentioned that he was super stressed and tired because he had so much to do for school that week. I decided to write him an encouraging note, because in college, we could all use some encouragement. I got out a purple marker and a piece of paper and wrote a simple note that said something along the lines of good luck with all your tests this week! I know you’ll do great! I stuck it under his door so he would see it before leaving for class, and went on my way.

The next day came and went, and no mention of the note. At one point, I saw it lying on the floor still, and couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t said anything. My question was answered by his neighbor on the other side, Marlena. I don’t remember why we were talking, or if there was a reason she brought it up, but she decided to tell me that I “needed to let up” because Rob said I was “starting to creep”.

At the time, it was hurtful, but nothing compared to how it feels now when I think back on it. I ended up grabbing the note when no one was looking, and ripping it up to throw in the trash.

The worst part? I never got to defend myself. Any attempt at the time was feeble at best, and I tried just to shake it off and forget about it. Little did I realize that 5 years later, I would hold back from attempting to make friends because asking someone to hang out made me feel like a predator. That’s real life, real time.

But I want them to know. I want them to know why, and how hurtful their words were.

Yes, I liked Rob. But I thought we were good enough friends that I could show him a nice gesture. That I could give him some encouragement in a rough time. I failed all but one of my classes that semester. I needed encouragement, and if I needed it, I knew others did, too. I wasn’t the first, though. Another girl on our floor had written at least a couple notes before, and taped them to his door. Was that my mistake? That I wanted to make sure he saw it before he went to class? I can’t figure out what made it creepy when I did it, but perfectly okay that she did. I had even heard him thank her for the nice note before, so when he didn’t even acknowledge that I reach out just made me feel terrible. I don’t even know why Marlena decided to tell me what she did, either. She wasn’t the nicest girl, but I can’t imagine someone wanting to make me feel that way when I hadn’t done anything to her. It doesn’t make sense that she would have said that to benefit me, though.

I hate that this has effected me as much as it has. I asked a coworker if she wanted to share a pizza with me after work and it caused me so much anxiety. I’m constantly worried that by reaching out to people to be friends, that they are going to label me the same. I don’t know how to get over this. I try to push myself out of my comfort zone, but even when I do hang out with these people, I still get anxiety when I think about continuing trying to be friends.

I really want this to reach these guys, one way or another. It probably won’t, but I think they deserve to know how their words affect others. I think deserve to defend myself. I think anyone could benefit from reading my story, too, because we tend to talk about others in less-than-positive ways. That can really impact someone, so spread the word.

Share so maybe it will reach these guys. Share so I can defend myself. Share so others might think twice about what they say when they talk about others. Any advice? I’m open.

10 May

So. Freaking. Lonely. And I don’t even have someone to complain to because all of my closest friends are in relationships.

Musings of a Perpetually Single 25 Year Old

9 May

While taking a nice hot shower this afternoon (I couldn’t get warm any other way), my thoughts drifted to my recently engaged chiropractor. His new fiance shares my name, which made me wonder how old she is. I know he is in his early 30s, but have no reason to actually know how old she is.

That took my thoughts to the other newly weds I know…all of whom are in their early 30s. Suddenly, for the first time, 25 felt really young to be married.

With the wedding of my best friend quickly nearing, thinking about her getting married makes me even feel like we are young. Then, I thought about her having kids, and how it would change everything.

My mind quickly went to another good friend who is having a baby in just about a month. Everything about our friendship is going to change the second that baby comes out. She is the first person I actually hang out with who will be having a baby.

The last time I had a major life change I think was when I started college out of high school, and that feels like forever ago! I’m not ready for another major life change. I like my life. And having friends with no kids.

And to think, I had a mini-crisis when I turned 22 and didn’t have a boyfriend in sight, let alone a husband (23 was my original age I wanted to be married by).

Any major life changes going on? Are you still riding the single wave like I am, or are you on couples isle? Kids?