Adult? Myth.

9 Apr

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Just today, I sat down to my computer and I saw the above picture was on my Facebook feed, provided by a really great woman I’m friends with. Despite its simple assemblage of words, it was meant to be provocative. While I concur, I really doubt that the thoughts it has provoked in my mind are quite what was meant when someone taped that piece of paper to that window.

My first thought kind of bypassed everything and while I don’t consider myself someone who exploits men sexually, I do find that I’m just as distracted by attractive men as men are by attractive women.

Once I posted my self-designated “awkward comment”, I started to realize that more than a glance was needed to decipher this piece of paper.

Right away we are setting ourselves up to believe that this male-stereotype is true, and perpetuating ill-will toward men. All the while, the author sets us up to feel that women are seen as sub-human and sexually exploited.

I feel sad for woman-kind if I’m in the minority with this sentiment, but I’ve never thought to myself Michelle…that person is trying to sexually exploit you. Ever. I’ve never felt sub-human, either.

The same women who tell me that feminism isn’t about man-bashing (when I tell them I’m not a feminist, I’m an equalist) are just perpetuating the belief that all men want sex and only sex. These same women are telling us, via this picture, that men never get slack about their bodies.

While I wish someone on this fair planet could say no one has ever had a problem with their body, it just isn’t true. Let me tell you a quick story from 7th grade…

Once upon a time, I was sitting in class with my less-than-favorite teacher and a classroom full of other 7th graders. A boy in my class was wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves cut-off. It looked a little something like this:

Unfortunately for him, guns were against school policy in more ways than one, so he was told he needed to change. Much to everyone’s surprise, when the horrible witch secretary told him this, he retaliated. You see, she, too had the guns out that day. Her shirt looked a tad like this:

Unfortunately, no one listens to a 7th grader’s logic, so even though what he said made SO much sense, he had to change anyway. She didn’t have a good response, other than she was a woman and he was a boy. 

Catch my drift? And if you still don’t believe that men are sexualized then go to Google and drool over some male underwear models.

Once you’re done with that…see what I did there? Drool. Degrading men with my eyes again. Case and point – just stop with this “men never…women always…” or “men always…women never…” stuff. It isn’t making the case for feminism any better because nothing is 100%.

Now that I’ve made that point, I always felt provoked to tell you about sex. Not in the birds and the bees kind of way…but in the I’m-a-sexual-creature-and-I’m-okay-with-that kind of way. Humans. We are all about the sex. I’m an intensely sexual being and so are you. We look and we enjoy. We indulge. For some reason, we are stuck on this whole idea that it is okay for me to look at a man without a shirt on and ogle but it isn’t okay to ogle at a girl who is (I can only assume based on this picture) working out in revealing clothing (sports bra and short-shorts, perhaps?). You might read that and say…”well, that isn’t true at all!” but yes, yes it is. We hide it by the fact that we say we don’t consider men as visually stimulating sexually as we do women, but that is just a huge lie.

I’ll save my rape culture rant for a different day, because this is already a pretty hefty blog. That brings my to my final point, which is the namesake for this blog…

The definition of an adult is fictional. The author of this provocative speech on a piece of paper on a window is speaking of sexualizing young girls, but just as I am a sexual being now, I was a sexual being at the age of 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. The only difference between my at 13 and me at 25 lies in the fact that I now have to buy my own food and pay bills, along with some actual hard and fast sexual experience I found along the way. My pattern of speech may be more polished now, but had I not been probably too-logical about love and lust at such a young age, I would have totally gotten it on with anyone. Middleschoolers. Highschoolers. College guys. They were all super-sexy and I lusted after all of them. If our government didn’t have this arbitrary line that says you’re an adult at 18 (ish), I firmly believe that people would reach “adulthood” at their own paces. There is precedence for 13 and 14 year old girls getting married off, and while I bet they would have liked more say in the matter of who, I could say that I knew who I was and what I wanted at that age.

We get jaded as we get older. The bills and the work and having to wear pants…it screws with us. We forget that we have been horny over-sexualized little beings since we hit puberty. 10 years later, friends can’t tell the difference between pictures of me now and pictures of me at 15, and what does that tell you? That sexualizing me now is also sexualizing me at 15, which is apparently wrong? I can’t say on good conscience that finding a 16 year old girl physically attractive is wrong. The only thing that could be wrong is what happens next.

Do you firmly believe I’m crazy yet? How do you feel about that simple, yet extremely provocative sign? Adulthood…do you think its a myth? Why must we put men down in order to bring women up?

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6 Responses to “Adult? Myth.”

  1. Doubledb April 9, 2015 at 8:21 pm #

    There are a ton of double standards that really bother me, as a guy, of course, I see the ones where women get away with stuff. Here are some examples I have faced where it would have been rude or horrid if the gender roles were switched:
    (1) When a female just never returns a message.
    (2) When a female says they want to hang out but then say/do nothing after you ask for a specific time and/or date.
    (3) In the movie “Because I said so”, Mandy Moore sleeps with two guys at the same time.
    (4) In the movie “Christian Mingle” the premise is the lead lies about her faith on her dating profile. The assumption is it is ok since she turns good in the end.
    (5) Going out on dates, I pay a guy, only to have a female say they will contact me next week and then say nothing, not event that they are no longer interested.
    (6) A guy I know had a female tell him that she only saw him as a friend years back but is now holding his hand and kissing him. My friend wants to tell her how he feels again but doesnt want to lose her.

    Now reverse the genders. Everyone would say those “guys” are jerks.
    Why do women get “away” with acting such ways and it is seen as ok.

    It makes me mad but as a male I cant say anything,
    Because I am “privileged” being a male, so I should just shut up.
    To be clear, I think both genders have valid concerns and should be heard.

    And I totally agree about females lusting just as much as men. If all the women meant what they said on their dating profile about meeting and dating a nice guy and they dont care about looks, I should be going on dates non-stop but I only get one reply for every 75-100 messages I send out. And women wonder why guys dont take the time to send out personal messages. Why take the time when you’ll only get 5% to ever reply? Think about that, if I spend just 5 minutes that’s about 500 minutes (the length of about four movies) I spent to only get one to three replies.

    Ok, thats enough for me. If I wasnt on a Facebook Fast I’d totally share this. You should post it on my Xanga FB group. Later!

    ~ Doubledb

    • mishie1 April 9, 2015 at 8:47 pm #

      Well said. And I absolutely love that you felt you could share this wonderful, valid, truthful comment.

  2. buddy71 April 9, 2015 at 8:28 pm #

    for whatever reason, women have been seen as second class people since there have been men and women. but one can not exist without the other. i was sexually active in 4th/5th grade. no i was not having sex but i was doing sexual things. by 6th grade i knew what to do and I WANTED TO DO IT. lol
    i think religion and society has most to do with how we view each other.
    it wasnt very long ago, women (girls) were getting married at 13-14 and if they were much older, they were considered “old maids”. and the men, yes men, they were marrying were 21 plus. but if a 20 something is with a 40+ something, oh my. the horrors!!!
    yes we are sexual beings.
    you’re still crazy after all these years. ;)
    growing up, all i wanted to be was an adult. lol
    we should not have to put anyone down to bring us up.

  3. girlforgetful April 10, 2015 at 8:05 am #

    I’m not sure I took from that sign the same things you did. It seemed to be speaking to the underlying societal values that dictate to girls that covering their bodies fully is necessary for their protection because at its heart society believes rape is a woman’s fault. Rape is portrayed as a crime of passion and sexual lust, but it’s really just about violence, so how is a girl protected by full sleeves and skirts below the knees? That was my take on it.

    • mishie1 April 10, 2015 at 11:01 am #

      I think that was *supposed* to be the take on it, but I have a hard time ever settling with just that…ever….

  4. L April 10, 2015 at 9:11 pm #

    Yeah, there are double standards. Dress codes should apply equally to both sexes. As a guy who loves wearing very short shorts (because I like the way my legs look and because they’re more comfortable and they actually cool your legs unlike what is “fashionable” for men these days) if I went to school rocking my rugby/running shorts or cutoff jeans I’d be asked to change, too. In that light don’t see what the fuss is all about.

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