Safe Dating – What is it?

19 Mar

Safety. For whatever reason, it isn’t something I ever consciously think about. I’m not sure why…it could be that I’m just so clumsy safety precautions don’t seem to be useful.

I’m not even sure if I know what “safe” is sometimes.

I’ve decided to try an online dating site, and perform a sort of social experiment in the meantime, that is focused on the date more than the person. It takes the pressure off, which I like. Basically, I make up a date, and if someone thinks it would be fun, they connect with me. If someone else makes up a date I think would be fun, I connect with them. Simple.

Except…what makes a “safe” date? Dinner and a movie? Boring.

What about going for a drive with someone? They always say to not pick up hitch-hikers. Or going to someone’s house? You are only one step away from being held hostage in their basement.

These things don’t scare me, but I wonder if they should.

What is acceptable territory for going on a date with someone you’ve never? What would you steer clear of doing? If you partake in something a little more risky, what safety measures do you increase to combat that?

13 Responses to “Safe Dating – What is it?”

  1. Alisha March 19, 2015 at 10:27 pm #

    I always meet in a public place and after coffee or dinner or whatever, I see how I feel about going somewhere with them. Of the eight men I’ve met through online dating, there was only one who, when I met him, set off my creeper alarm and I refused to go anywhere with him. But I also talk to guys for a long time before I even agree to meet them, because I have an unreasonable fear of dating! :)

  2. April March 20, 2015 at 12:05 am #

    I usually met guys in a public place for the first time. It wasn’t so much that I was worried about kidnapped, but that I have been stalked before, so for someone to know where I lived was kinda a big deal for me.

    One guy in particular stands out when Alisha there mentions creepers… We never actually made it to meeting in person. At first he suggested that we meet up for breakfast since we both worked third shift. Okay; he picked the place, the day, and the time…I agreed to meet him there. He flaked and wanted to reschedule. Okay; cool. Shizz comes up. I get that. The problem came in when he wanted to come to job and meet me for lunch for the first time… No. He acted like I was the crazy one for not just agreeing and that’s when I stopped responding to his messages. He proceeded to message me through out the following two weeks before giving up. It also weirded me out that he was so fixated on me/meeting me because it didn’t seem like we had a lot in common; he was 20 years old with no kids and I was 27-almost-28 at the time, with my daughter and the other two kids in my care – I was very up front about that. That’s like night and day…

    I’ve become a big fan of trusting my gut; if something doesn’t feel right, I don’t force it. Of course I’m taken now, but that also goes with friendships too.

  3. L March 20, 2015 at 8:25 am #

    IMO there is no such thing as safe dating. There is always an element of risk when it comes to dating, even someone you’ve known for a long time. There’s that element of unpredictability. People can and do change when in a relationship (or even on a date) vs. just friends. Then there’s always the risk of getting emotionally hurt or your heart broken, every time.

    Lastly is the financial risk, most notably for men. As modern dating convention still claims that men should foot the bill on dates, if you wind up not having a second date or going your separate ways, that’s money the male will never get back and essentially wasted.

    Take my comment for what it’s worth (a MGTOW and self-avowed celibate, perpetually-single male) but that’s just kind of the way I see it.

  4. quirkyintrovert March 20, 2015 at 10:37 am #

    I’ve only met one person from a dating site, and we’ve now been happily together for a little over 18 months. As the others have said above, always meet in a public place. I think one thing that made me more comfortable with meeting him was that I had gotten his full name and Googled him, and nothing suspicious came up.

    I’m a scaredy cat, so there are many things I wouldn’t do, even if most people didn’t find them risky. I think it’s important to always give yourself a way out: stay alert the entire time, know where your are, and have a way to get home by yourself.

    • mishie1 March 20, 2015 at 11:05 am #

      My problem is that…even if we meet in a public place…what if I don’t want the date to be in a public place? I would assume that negates the benefit of meeting in a public…

      • quirkyintrovert March 20, 2015 at 11:08 am #

        Now I’m curious as to what makes you not want the date in a public place? If it’s privacy you’re after, different public places have differing degrees of privacy.

        • mishie1 March 21, 2015 at 1:40 am #

          Dates in public places tend to be boring. I’d rather go for a drive and find something inspiring, or stay in and try out a new recipe together…go on a nice hike…Things like bowling and mini golf are cool, too…but…they kind of lack pizazz…for lack of a better term

          • quirkyintrovert March 21, 2015 at 10:14 am #

            I get what you mean, but if you’re really concerned about safety, those can be great options for second dates. I was able to sense chemistry with my boyfriend on our first date (which was in a public place) and I could also tell he wasn’t a creep, which was why I agreed to have lunch and go to his place on our second date.

            • mishie1 March 21, 2015 at 10:39 am #

              *I’m* not concerned about safety, but society is telling me I should be. Maybe I just need to say screw society and I DO WHAT I WANT!!

              • quirkyintrovert March 21, 2015 at 10:53 am #

                Well, if you personally aren’t concerned about safety, then by all means, do what you’re comfortable with! I don’t think the opinion of society as a whole matters in this case, but would your friends and family worry about your safety? Of course, you could say that you know you’re capable of watching out for yourself, so it’s not necessary for them to choose to worry.

  5. buddy71 March 20, 2015 at 9:21 pm #

    safe date? very public place.

    • mishie1 March 21, 2015 at 1:41 am #

      That is what everyone is saying. But I’d rather go on a drive…or try out a new recipe together…

      • buddy71 March 21, 2015 at 10:14 am #

        maybe on the next date, but i would do whatever she felt comfortable doiing as i would want her to feel safe and comfy

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