Archive | January, 2015

Hairy Situations…

7 Jan

I couldn’t have put it better.

Orchid at Dusk

hair The picture to the right showed up in my Facebook feed yesterday. Apparently, a teacher did her student’s hair. A dear friend has a daughter with long, thick hair and she routinely comes (or came…I’m not sure since they’ve had a teacher take over since Halloween and I haven’t seen her share pictures in a bit) home with braids in her hair from the teacher and it isn’t a big deal at all. My friend thinks it’s pretty awesome and posts pictures of her daughter’s hair do’s after school. So why is this news and why does have my undies rubbing in a bad way?

Quite a lot of people have their panties bunched because the teacher was the one to take and post the photos. “If you do something, you should do it from the heart and not expect a cookie for it.” was a sentiment shared by many…

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A Bologna Sandwich

6 Jan

Sometimes, when you’re grieving, that’s all it takes.

Only a few days after my dad passed away, my mom made lunch for everyone. It just so happened that she was making fried bologna sandwiches, a childhood favorite of mine. If you haven’t had it, try it! It’s pretty damned good.

I put my sandwich together, held it in one hand and went to grab a plate. I looked down at it for a second, looked up at my mom and all I had to say was “This reminds me of Dad” to start to well up with tears. It’s true though, he was always the one who made them for lunch.

To stop myself from completely crying, I had to go so far as to set the sandwich down. I told me mom “The last thing I need to do is cry over a damn bologna sandwich”.

My father’s death was expected. And at least for me, it isn’t the day to day monotony that makes me sad or overwhelms me, or even talking about it – it’s the little things that unexpectedly pop up that you aren’t prepared for that upset me. A song, a trinket, a memory…a sandwich. That is really all it takes.

But I’m doing okay.

Aside 4 Jan

I find it interesting when folks assume you aren’t something or aren’t interested in something, instead of just asking whether you are or are not.

When Apologies Aren’t Enough

4 Jan

This. I don’t think a truer story has been written. It could be a page out of my life story. Different time. Different place. Different people. Same story.

But what she writes is true. “Sometimes, even when you’re really, truly sorry, apologies just aren’t enough. And that’s when you need to learn how to forgive yourself.”

Journey Through Bipolar

I try not to dwell too much. It’s hard, I’ll admit it, but I do my best. Sometimes it’s harder than usual, and that is the case for me lately. See, around a year ago a significant friendship I had began to dissolve. Dissolve isn’t really the right word. This friendship exploded, then plateaued, then exploded, then plateaued, then exploded for good. And sometimes apologies just don’t cut it.

A year ago my life was a disastrous mess, no two ways around that. I had come down from a manic episode and mostly worked my way through an intense depression. I wasn’t okay though. I had my best friend living with me, was trying to pick up the pieces of a damaged beyond recognition relationship and had lost my ex-husband’s trust.

One memory stands out among all the others because I feel it was the final conflict before I lost…

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Accepting the Fight

4 Jan

That first paragraph is HUGE. Whatever you are fighting in your life, you must first accept that you must fight before you actually can.

Journey Through Bipolar

Having to both accept and fight Bipolar Disorder at the same time seems like a contradiction, doesn’t it? However, eventually everyone will realize this is exactly what you have to do. Accept that Bipolar is in your life to stay, and fight like hell every day to keep it from controlling and ruining your life. It’s a fight you’ll lose sometimes, to be sure. And to keep fighting when it feels like you’re losing, or to start fighting again once you’ve lost, is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Even more difficult than that, in my opinion, is accepting that you need to fight every day.

My latest visit to my pdoc has cemented it in my mind that I will most likely always have Bipolar symptoms and it is quite unlikely I will go into “remission” for any significant period of time. I may be proven wrong…

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What’s Hypomania All About?

4 Jan

A good look into the varying ups and downs and in-betweens, and the impact.

Journey Through Bipolar

Hypomania. According to the dictionary, it’s: A mild form of mania, especially the phase of several mood disorders characterized by euphoria or hyperactivity. This is pretty much exactly how I experience hypomania, but it is far from a full description.

For a lot of people with BP 1 hypomania is a precursor to a manic episode. Not for all though. As I’ve said several times, everyone is different even if their diagnosis is the same. For people with BP 2 or cyclothymia, hypomania stays at hypomania and does not progress further. For me, with medication, hypomania still comes and goes frequently but no longer progresses to mania. For this I am most certainly thankful.

So what is it like to experience hypomania? Again, everyone experiences things differently, but I think I exhibit pretty classic hypomania symptoms. It starts off with everything looking just a little bit sharper, clearer. Colors are…

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