The Numbers of Finding “The One”

1 Dec

Out of a whim, and the fact that I am so over being single, I decided to look up the average number of men a woman dates before finding “the one”. And let’s face it – dating sucks! At least, from my perspective. I don’t like meeting new people, I don’t like feeling rejected, and I don’t like being vulnerable.

The number: not so simple.

The numbers I found all seem to be referencing the same study, done in the UK. But they break the numbers down, so it isn’t necessarily an even “10 people”. This is what that looks like:

  • Kisses with 15 men.
  • Two long-term relationships.
  • Heartbreak, twice.
  • Seven dates, plus two blind dates and two dates with someone from the Internet.
  • Four disaster dates.
  • Being stood up once.
  • One live-in relationship.
  • Four one-night stands.
  • Seven sexual partners.

Soooooo…apparently I’m lacking. If I take my first kiss, which happened 8 years ago…and we just go off of kisses…it’s going to be 12 years before I get married.

Good thing life doesn’t happen so precisely.

My list looks a little more like this:

  • Kissed 6 men.
  • Two long-term relationships.
  • Heartbreak…umm…like…my heart hurts? Twice? 3 Times? Like…I was in a relationship and we broke up and I was devastated? Once. Like…I liked someone or was in a relationship with someone and got rejected and felt sad? Who even knows.
  • Umm…2 dates? Maybe? Neither of them might have counted… plus one blind dates, which I also don’t know if it was a date…and…I dated someone from a book…not the internet, though. But that was the same guy as the blind date…I guess…
  • No disaster dates, unless you count on being on a bus or in a car with a stranger a date…
  • Been stood up [almost] once.
  • One live-in relationship, I think? Does living together, then starting to date count? It wasn’t really planned…
  • One, one night stand.
  • Zero sexual partners? Are we talking sexually intimate, or are we talked full on ‘he put his penis in my vagina’ sexual partners?

Sounds like I’m a little behind. Hopefully not 12 years behind, and hopefully I don’t have to kiss another 9 men, have 3 more one-night stands, OR have seven more sexual partners before I meet my husband.

That sounds like a lot of work. Too much work.

How do your numbers compare? What were your numbers like (if you’re already married)? Do you think there could be statistically significant differences between the UK and the US?

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9 Responses to “The Numbers of Finding “The One””

  1. April December 1, 2014 at 8:50 pm #

    Kissed 10.
    Hubby is my fifth long term relationship.
    Heartbreak? (My definition involves ice cream and country songs…) Two.
    Dates… At least 16 different guys, no blind dates, half of them were from the internet.
    Three that I would consider “disasters.”
    I was stood up twice by the same person.
    Sean is my fourth relationship to reach “live together” status.
    No one night stands, just one ill fated fwb attempt…
    Eight “been naked and parts have touched” partners, Sean included.

    • mishie1 December 1, 2014 at 9:38 pm #

      Oh gosh…I COMPLETELY forgot about one dude…damn…so 7 people kissed….and an ill fated fwb semi attempt

      been naked and parts have touched is a good definition…

  2. thecuriousbum December 1, 2014 at 9:15 pm #

    The only thing I meet there is heartbreaks. But my heart breaks easily. Just resigned myself to being single being a stubborn bum. I do miss the love and giving it, though.

  3. Alisha December 1, 2014 at 9:49 pm #

    I don’t know that I’ve found “the one”, or that I believe in a “one”, but I’m dating somebody pretty great right now, who I met on OKCupid.
    Kissed nine men and one woman.
    Three long-term relationships (if you count being jerked around for two years, and if you count the current one, is nine months long?)
    Heartbreak twice.
    Dates … how do you define a date? I guess three if you count ones looking for relationships, not the ones strictly for sex.
    No disaster dates.
    Stood up once.
    No live-in relationships.
    Four one-night stands (five if you count the threesome as two?).
    Ten sexual partners.

  4. quirkyintrovert December 2, 2014 at 3:30 pm #

    I think it’s different for everyone, and it depends on their personalities and luck. I was a late starter when it came to dating, and have relatively little experience for someone my age, but I think I’ve found the one.

    I have only had two relationships, and have never kissed or had sex with anyone outside of a relationship. The first one was a rocky two years too long. He was emotionally and sexually abusive, which is why I took a 5-year break from dating after I dumped that guy for good. I met my current boyfriend through OkCupid. He was the first person that I’ve actually dated (I met and hung out with the first guy in college), and we hit it off so well that after the second date we became exclusive. I was concerned we were going too fast, but it has worked well. I moved in with him after 6 months, and we’re now approaching 15 months together.

  5. L December 2, 2014 at 6:58 pm #

    Speaking as a 27 (almost 28) year-old male, I’ve had:

    *Kissed 2 or 3 girls, don’t remember for sure
    *Two long-term relationships (of which the longest was 6 months)
    *Hearbroken twice
    *Been on like 6 dates, none of which were initiated by me because I don’t want to have to foot the other party’s bill as would be expected of the male (however, I refuse to let anyone pay for me).
    *All but one of which was a disaster
    *Never been stood up
    *No live-in relationships
    *More one-night stands than I care to name here (not going to lie, I went through a hypersexual phase)
    *Sexual partners, again, more than I care to name, only a few repeats

    Alas, that’s all in the past for me. As I prepare for seminary I’ve obviously had to give up the idea of sex, dating, relationships, and marriage. That’s OK with me, as I don’t much enjoy being in a relationship. To each their own though, and I respect your desire to find someone and settle down. I hope you find someone soon.

  6. M December 10, 2014 at 9:37 pm #

    Going to skip over responding to all the numbers- really interested the details are in past blogs. I will say though as a married 29 year old, my numbers were actually lower than those averages.
    As to the US/UK averages thing, I can’t speak definitely to statistical significance as there are several cultural overlaps; however, I will say that there is at least a stereotype out there that the UK tends to be more sexually open and permissive than the US.

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