A Brutally Honest Discussion about Butts

14 Nov

I couldn’t have chosen a better time to post this, now that Kim Kardashian has decided to “break the internet” with her butt. I vowed I wouldn’t look at the picture, but not paying attention to the size of her butt, I decided to see if the picture was relevant to this post.

Meh.

I have lived with a big butt my entire life, surrounded by folks with normal sized to small butts. I look at girls who are like “I have a big butt! Look at it!” and all I can think of is that????? because these are NOT big butts:

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about quality. A small butt can be much better quality than a big butt and vice versa. You could consider some of these nice butts, but these are nothing more than normal butts, being stuck out dramatically.

So for all the folks out there, I have something for you to relate to that you may have thought was just you, because it isn’t something we really talk about (and for those of you who have a delicate disposition or a small butt or no desire to talk about the toilet, avert your eyes now).

Do you know how much toilet paper it takes to properly clean a big butt?

Growing up, my parents always gave me grief about how much toilet paper I used. But the thing is bigger butt = deeper butt crack = more area to clean.

If you can’t relate to this, you don’t have a big butt.

That was why my parents didn’t relate, and growing up I always felt like I was a weirdo for using so much toilet paper, but just the other day, I got into the car with a friend who also has a big butt, and I said just that. Do you know how much toilet paper it takes to properly clean a big butt? And she was relieved. And I was relieved. Because in that moment we finally both understood that we were not alone. The desire to be clean far outweighs “wasting” toilet paper.

I think that is an unfortunate side effect of having anything that is “too big” or “too small”. Whether its “too tall” or “too short” or “too fat” or “too skinny”. If it makes you feel different from others, there is no way you are going to talk about it. If you can muster up the courage, though, once you talk about it you’ll realize you aren’t alone.

And that is a wonderful feeling.

Can you relate? Do you have a big butt? Let’s see it and we all can decide! What is something that you think is weird about yourself, so you’ve never talked about it with someone? Let’s hear it and we can see if we can match you up with someone with the same quirk!

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10 Responses to “A Brutally Honest Discussion about Butts”

  1. thecuriousbum November 14, 2014 at 2:17 pm #

    I don’t, and it’s not really something I obsess about on a woman. Kind of funny that there’s such a stir over Kim K. since she’s famous for having a sex tape where everything’s exposed, but I guess more people will see magazine pictures.

    • mishie1 November 14, 2014 at 2:20 pm #

      I’m not impressed with either the nudity or the sex tape. I’d be interested to see the unphotoshopped picture, though.

      • thecuriousbum November 14, 2014 at 3:20 pm #

        That’ll be available as soon as her eyes glaze over … I mean, become unglazed. :P

  2. erikamsteele November 14, 2014 at 3:48 pm #

    The toilet paper comment made me laugh. I am going to be making ass to toilet paper correlations forever now.
    ______________________________
    Here is the link to the before and after.

    There are some other ones showing her having stretchmarks.

    If you really looked hard enough, you could find ones without the big Bossip written across it.

    • mishie1 November 14, 2014 at 7:27 pm #

      See. There ya go. Normal human being.

  3. autumnstrength November 14, 2014 at 4:09 pm #

    I don’t think any amount of toilet paper can fully clean any sized butt, especially mens with our overly hairy butt cracks. I use Baby wet-wipes!

    • mishie1 November 14, 2014 at 7:27 pm #

      Hairy butt cracks. I can’t even imagine having a hairy butt.

  4. April November 19, 2014 at 10:37 am #

    I’m glad that David said it because quite honestly, I’ve caught myself looking at hubby’s hairy butt crack and thinking, “How does he ever feel clean?!” LOL

    I have malformed distal interphalangeal joints on both of my ring fingers. It’s the joint closest to the tip of the finger. So both of my ring fingers bow inward toward my middle finger and when I bend those joints on all of my fingers, my ring fingers jut out because they don’t bend all the way. I also have no “wrinkles” where the joint should be. It’s a stupid little thing, but it really bothered me at some point in my teen years.

    • mishie1 November 20, 2014 at 7:57 pm #

      I’m proud that I figured out with joint that was before you explained it ;)

      That’s really interesting. My finger bows slightly, but I think that is the usual amount of bow.

  5. butimbeautiful December 14, 2014 at 7:32 pm #

    I think I have a moderately big butt. I’ve always kinda liked it. I never thought of the toilet paper connection before now though. Mind you, mine is also a little hairy, so, well – maybe I should install one of those water feature thingummies on my toilet!

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