Right Guy, Wrong Time

21 Sep

I want to say that I hear about this all the time…girl meets guy, guy is amazing, but its just not the right time in her life, or she is too busy, or work or whatever.

But I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard this line outside of a movie.

For the first time in my life, however, I feel like this is just the case. I want nothing more than to find a nice fellow for myself, but it just isn’t the right time. I even want it to be the right time, but it isn’t.

Had I had a significant other before my dad got diagnosed with cancer, I would be so grateful right now – someone to comfort me, someone to be supportive when I just feel like I can’t move forward, just someone – but that isn’t the case. Even though I would love to have all of that right now instead of struggling to keep my head above water, I know that if I started a relationship right now I would be neglectful and needy.

That isn’t to say that I wouldn’t rule out love, if it just so happened to fall in my lap. I just don’t have the ability to seek it out. I find myself in my down time sometimes thinking ‘I should do this to get a SO’ or ‘I should put the moves on him’ and then I snap myself back to reality and get this gut feeling that its a horrible idea and sounds like a lot of work.

That is a statement I’ve never said before either: Relationships are hard work. Never before have I felt that way. Amazing, isn’t it?

Fortunately, there is nothing that sways my belief that if it is the right person, it will come in the right time.

Have you ever felt that it really, truly just wasn’t the right time to start a relationship? Was there someone courting you, and how did you handle that? 

6 Responses to “Right Guy, Wrong Time”

  1. thecuriousbum at 7:51 pm #

    I always would like for something to start and work out, but realistically it’s probably never the right time for me. Too much depression. Endless struggle for motivation. I hope you’re doing ok through such a tough situation.

    • mishie1 at 9:01 pm #

      That does make it hard. While I’ve had crazy things throw my life topsy-turvy I’ve been lucky enough that I’ve only now been too overwhelmed to seek out love.

  2. buddy71 at 8:47 pm #

    i have heard it as right girl wrong time and have lived this way myself. i seem to meet a nice girl but feel the time is not right. life just seems to get in the way. but, if one waits for that “right” time it will not arrive as we will make up some excuse that the time is not right.

  3. L at 4:04 pm #

    I kind of felt the same way for awhile before my last relationship (that ended this past March), and then when I finally did wind up in a relationship it turned out to be something that didn’t work out anyway. My ex was a nice enough girl, but in the end we just had different priorities and convictions.

    In light of my last failed relationship, I’ve decided to take an oath of chastity. I vowed never to date again and consequently never to marry. I’ve been approached for dates since then and I’ve turned them all down, and I will keep it this way. I function much better as a life-long single.

    • mishie1 at 8:55 pm #

      A lot of people tell me that they love being single, or that I should enjoy being single because relationships are so much work. I don’t like that outlook, though, because personally, I am my best person when I am in a relationship.

      And when I say that, folks often are upset with me because I shouldn’t let a relationship define me. The thing is, though….I don’t. I know exactly who I am and what I want in life, and I don’t need a significant other in my life for me to know that. But having a significant other completes me. Having a significant other helps me expand my horizons and live to my full potential. I’m a caring soul, too, and without someone to love and care for I don’t feel complete.

      For anyone to take an oath of chastity (which I’m impressed, because chastity is much different than just staying single forever), I feel as though I can assume you feel perfectly happy without a significant other, and if that is true, I am glad to hear that you have come to realize that.

      • L at 9:03 pm #

        I’m of the opinion that you should do what works for you, be it single, monogamous, swinger/poly, whatever. I don’t judge people on their relationship status.

        As for me, well, it took being in what wasn’t a toxic relationship at all to realize it’s not the right decision for me. My ex is a fine person and I wish her well. I have no hard feelings toward her at all. I just felt, weighed down I guess you could say.

        As far as chastity, well, if it is one thing I will say, I had my fun sex wise (I went through a hypersexual phase there for awhile) but it does nothing for me anymore. In fact the idea of sexual relations creep me out at this point. Not to mention, recent life events have caused me to reconnect to a more spiritual side for me and I’ve decided to go to an Episcopalian seminary and pursue a career in priesthood, so that’s part of why I chose that path as well.

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