Archive | August, 2014

Death of a Roommate: One Year Later

16 Aug

It has officially been a whole year since the discovery of my roommate, dead upstairs, having been laying there for over a week.

Technically it’s not a full year until about 11:30, but still.

This year has probably been the worst year of my life, having had to deal with being homeless for so long, going into and out of relationships, losing friend and having other move away, and having my parents in poor health. Moving has been hard, as adjusting to a new job has been. But I’m optimistic.

I’m looking today to be the end of awful, and the beginning of getting my life back in order.

The death of my roommate has effected me much more than I ever could have imagined, but it has been so subtle it’s deceptive.

At the beginning of this week (the anniversary of him actually killing himself), I made a sudden realization that caused my sleep to be poor for the following days. Saying that I lived with a dead body for a week doesn’t even begin to cover the horror of it. Saying that I lived with a decaying corpse does. Where there are flies, there are maggots, and that is a visual that I am glad only exists vaguely in my mind.

To think the gruesome occurrences that unfolded upstairs went completely unnoticed makes me shudder, and to think that perhaps had I been more available, it might not have happened at all. (But no, I don’t blame myself. To be perfectly honest, I feel quite bitter toward my former roommate, who had only lived with us for about a week.)

Going into this new year, I believe that I’ve reached a point at which I can move forward comfortable, and settle back into the things that were once normal. I know that at least some of you have noticed I haven’t been writing almost at all. I haven’t been sewing. It’s as though I’ve been suspended in time for this year, and now I’m finally able to move forward again.

Tonight, I was supposed to retrace the steps I took that fateful evening, to hopefully accomplish something of a sort of rewriting that memory so that this day no longer holds the connotation it holds now. I was going to go to the same restaurant and bar we went to, with the friends who accompanied me through that night’s events. It was really important to me, and much to my dismay, they couldn’t join me.

I was going to go anyway, because even though they didn’t feel it important that they were there, it was important for me to go. As much as I wanted to hope, I’m not on their list of priorities. Due to circumstances outside of my control, however, I’ve been stranded here, so I am unable to retrace my steps.

It’s okay. Mostly because there is currently no one dead in my house right now.

And here is to tomorrow, that while trying, will be a new year with new adventures.

 

May my former roommate rest in peace.

The Oddity of the Dream Stranger

14 Aug

Our dreams are filled with many things. Some are inexplicably weird, and others ring too true to reality.

I’ve always found the people that weave in and out my dreams interesting, and the reasons they are there, intriguing. Most recently, I met with a fellow whom I am unfamiliar with…he is a complete stranger. What is even more curious, is I’ve had two dreams about this fellow, and it was as if I had stopped watching a TV show that had continued on without me. Time had passed, and we were both aware of it.

Odd, don’t you think?

The thing I find most strange is that my mind has been able to create a whole, unique person without my conscious awareness. Personality, body, and face were all created without me acknowledging that I was doing so. Of course, when in my awake state, I can create characters but even then, they don’t ever feel as real.

Perhaps I passed a fellow in the street and my subconscious latched onto him, and then it compiled personality traits I like, but I still find it fascinating.

What I would like to believe more is that this man of my dreams is actually a person out there that I have a connection with who I will find one day and live happily ever after with. And I think a small part of me does believe that, because the interaction was so multi-dimensional.

Have you ever dreamed about a complete stranger that you’ve never even seen? Which explanation for my dream do you want to be true? What is your explanation? Do you think there is an interconnectedness between our fellow man that we may be able to traverse wide expanses of area without ever leaving our beds?