Death of a Roommate: One Year Later

16 Aug

It has officially been a whole year since the discovery of my roommate, dead upstairs, having been laying there for over a week.

Technically it’s not a full year until about 11:30, but still.

This year has probably been the worst year of my life, having had to deal with being homeless for so long, going into and out of relationships, losing friend and having other move away, and having my parents in poor health. Moving has been hard, as adjusting to a new job has been. But I’m optimistic.

I’m looking today to be the end of awful, and the beginning of getting my life back in order.

The death of my roommate has effected me much more than I ever could have imagined, but it has been so subtle it’s deceptive.

At the beginning of this week (the anniversary of him actually killing himself), I made a sudden realization that caused my sleep to be poor for the following days. Saying that I lived with a dead body for a week doesn’t even begin to cover the horror of it. Saying that I lived with a decaying corpse does. Where there are flies, there are maggots, and that is a visual that I am glad only exists vaguely in my mind.

To think the gruesome occurrences that unfolded upstairs went completely unnoticed makes me shudder, and to think that perhaps had I been more available, it might not have happened at all. (But no, I don’t blame myself. To be perfectly honest, I feel quite bitter toward my former roommate, who had only lived with us for about a week.)

Going into this new year, I believe that I’ve reached a point at which I can move forward comfortable, and settle back into the things that were once normal. I know that at least some of you have noticed I haven’t been writing almost at all. I haven’t been sewing. It’s as though I’ve been suspended in time for this year, and now I’m finally able to move forward again.

Tonight, I was supposed to retrace the steps I took that fateful evening, to hopefully accomplish something of a sort of rewriting that memory so that this day no longer holds the connotation it holds now. I was going to go to the same restaurant and bar we went to, with the friends who accompanied me through that night’s events. It was really important to me, and much to my dismay, they couldn’t join me.

I was going to go anyway, because even though they didn’t feel it important that they were there, it was important for me to go. As much as I wanted to hope, I’m not on their list of priorities. Due to circumstances outside of my control, however, I’ve been stranded here, so I am unable to retrace my steps.

It’s okay. Mostly because there is currently no one dead in my house right now.

And here is to tomorrow, that while trying, will be a new year with new adventures.


May my former roommate rest in peace.

4 Responses to “Death of a Roommate: One Year Later”

  1. Daniel August 17, 2014 at 5:02 am #

    Such a horrible experience. If I were near, I would have totally gone with you through that day again as a friend. I had a friend win college who lost his friend in a car accident in early December, made thanksgiving and early December very difficult for him. I gave him his space but let him know I was there if he needed me and would check in on him. He’s now married with a kid and moved out of Texas, like myself.

    Glad you are moving forward into good things!

    • mishie1 August 17, 2014 at 7:25 pm #

      You are always the sweetest. Thank you so much!

  2. fadingsunlight August 17, 2014 at 10:50 am #

    I get the grossed and the bitter; I would be too. If he were set on doing it…well, okay then…but at least don’t lock the door and/or don’t do it in a house full of strangers. >.< (But then again, I've been branded a judgy bitch lately, so maybe that's just me… *sigh* I've also seen a recent exodus of "friends.")

    June 2013-2014 sucked for me, so here's to new years that start some time after January 1st! I was wondering what had happened to you a day or three ago and why you hadn't been writing. <3

    • mishie1 August 17, 2014 at 7:25 pm #

      Yeah. I was on an unintentional hiatus where I feel like I had some chi blocked or something. It is soothing to know you thought about me.

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