The [True] Value of Friendship

29 Apr

Friendship is something I value greatly, but I’ve found as I’ve developed and lost friendships, that not everyone feels as strongly about friends as I do.

Recently, I had a bit of a falling out with a friend. Something inside of me is holding back from relaying all the nasty little details, so I won’t indulge, but really…it sucks! One should always surround themselves with positive energy and good people, so it isn’t unusual for me to stop being friends with people who bring me down, but I feel like when I say that, most people think that I mustn’t value friendship at all. That isn’t accurate in the slightest, though. It’s actually extremely painful to lose a friend, and no matter how mad I am at someone, or what they did, I always relish in the fun times that we’ve had together. Honestly, I wish I never had to deal with friends being…unfriendly…because it hurts, and I hate it, and I just want things to go back to being happy.

There is one thing I’ve found with every friend-problem I’ve ever had that just isn’t fair. The other friend never admits fault. I’ve always been the one to break the ice, and go in, and usually apologize for not talking to them or being mad or whatever it may be.  Okay…that’s a lie. I had one friend admit that she was acting poorly to me.

Regardless, it’s just not fair. And no…life isn’t fair, but I don’t want to lose a friend just because I want them to want to be my friend, but they won’t take the steps to make that happen.

That’s what it comes down to: they don’t want to be my friend, or rather, they don’t need to be my friend.

Every friend I have is a jewel in their own right. They come with their own set of rules that makes them them. And yes, I generally hand-pick my friends because I want to surround myself with good people and good influences. Any one of these friends means the world to me, and I don’t have a lot of investment in anything else: I don’t have a best friend and I don’t have a significant other, so each friend is massively important to me.

Unfortunately, I think that is the problem.

While I consider my friends so important and I want to keep each and every one of them, my friends don’t consider me as such. Or some of them, at least. That has to be the reason why friends don’t come to me and apologize. We all have those friends who have a million friends and/or acquaintances, and they have a best friend, and they have a significant other…and they don’t need you to be friends with them, so they don’t try and they don’t care, and if they do something wrong…whatever.

These friends don’t apologize, and it makes me feel so dispensable. That’s really all I want, is for my friends to consider me as important to them as they are to me. I know I’m not the only one with this problem – I’ve talk to some folks who are feeling the exact same way.

Unfortunately, some people value friendship much more than others, and that makes me sad.

Do you ever feel like you are dispensable to your friends? What do you do when you miss being friends with someone, but don’t want to have to be the one to break the ice again? What are your most common friendship issues?

2 Responses to “The [True] Value of Friendship”

  1. girlforgetful April 29, 2014 at 8:56 pm #

    Definitely have felt dispensable. When I miss being friends with someone but don’t want to have to be the one to break the ice again, I leave the door open for them to come back in. At least that’s what I do when I’m not passive-aggressively displaying my displeasure with them. Eventually I give up and forget them. Looking back, I always realize I should have given up at some point when I knew it wasn’t working out but I was in denial about it. There are exceptions to every rule, but I think that accepting that actions speak louder than words, and trusting your gut, is the way to go when trying to build a friendship with someone. If you find your half of that bridge extends much farther than theirs, something is off. My most common friendship issue – insecurity. Each time I get my feelings hurt, it’s harder to trust the next time. It’s tempting to blame myself for everything, and to constantly try to “be better” but all you can be is yourself, so you might as well embrace it and decide that some people just can’t hang with you, and that’s ok because if everybody likes you, you’re probably doing something wrong.

  2. tictact0e0 April 30, 2014 at 8:01 am #

    With times when I feel like I may not be as important, I put it to the test, time away from them. Those who truly think about me, care about me, etc, will eventually try to reach me on their on accord. Those that don’t are either busy or just don’t think of me as much won’t go out of their way to reach me; they probably reach me when it’s convenient for them. Even for those who reach me, I’ll be able to see who are thinking about me vs those who are just wanting attention from me. By seeing where I stand with everyone, I can gauge everyone, decide how to treat everyone individually. An example is if I certain friend I think and care about a lot and value doesn’t think and care about me as much but it’s due to circumstance, then I’d approach that friend in a way to account for their circumstance and allow to room to be able to think and care about me with whatever they have. Friendship isn’t exactly easy so there’s no right way to it; the only thing is to just do it.

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