What is a Nice Guy – Do They Exist?

27 Jun

Nice guys finish last.

Girls only like assholes, not nice guys like me.

You hear that statement all the time, and it’s usually from a very specific guy. Giving this person the benefit of the doubt, it’s usually a genuine guy who doesn’t use women for sex, wants an honest to goodness relationship with a girl, and while respecting women, finds himself single 90% of the time.

Unfortunately for nice guy, he is single because he won’t make the first move. It’s a vicious cycle, too, because the assholes get the girls because they actually ask them out.

Oh, and don’t forget the nice girls who actually do finish last. The nice guys want the bitchy girls who are high maintenance, while the rest of us, who actually refuse to date the assholes, end up single. We want a nice guy. But nice guys don’t want nice girls, now do they?

And don’t tell me that nice girls should make the first move. Been there. Rejected.

That’s all beside the point.

I want to know if this “nice guy” even actually exists, or if it’s just a ploy for us to feel sorry for them because they are single.

The person I picture in my head when someone says “nice guy” is a man who would give a woman a chance, be honest with her, never use a woman for sex, cares about what his significant other has to say, and would never lead a woman on. He would apologize if he did something hurtful on accident and he wouldn’t just ignore her. (Note: I did not say pushover, suck-up, or clingy at any point.)

Women – what is your idea of a “nice guy”? Men – are you a nice guy, why/why not? Do nice guys even exist? What about nice girls?

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7 Responses to “What is a Nice Guy – Do They Exist?”

  1. quirkyintrovert June 27, 2013 at 9:05 pm #

    Nice guys do exist. I know of one, but he got friend-zoned. I know this is a generalization, but one problem with nice guys are that they tend to be pushovers. It’s hard to earn a woman’s respect (or anybody’s for that matter) if you don’t set limits on how others can treat you.

    Another problem with the supposed nice guys is that they always complain about women going for jerks instead of himself. Such complaining is quite off-putting for a woman to hear, especially if the guy uses tons of generalizations about women. I have tried to tell a guy that not all women are like that, but his negative mindset caused him to perceive everything I said with a negative light, so I decided not to waste any more time on trying to convince him.

    Those supposed nice guys really aren’t nice because many of them are emotionally needy. They do the things they do with the purpose of trying to please others, and expect the same in return, but since we live in an imperfect world, they are often disappointed and become resentful. Self-pity is also not attractive.

    While it’s true that no one can be completely selfless, a genuine nice guy will not do things primarily to get other people’s approval. A genuine nice guy will be supportive because he actually cares and wants to make a difference. A genuine nice guy will have self-respect and know when to stop so that he does not get too frustrated, thus preventing him from becoming bitter.

    This was a long comment. I guess I could write a whole blog post on this topic.

    • mishie1 June 27, 2013 at 9:17 pm #

      I appreciate long comments. I try to write thought-provoking material, and I know I’m making someone think if they write a lot. I agree with you 100%.

  2. ssj3matenks June 27, 2013 at 11:16 pm #

    I would like to add on to QuirkyIntrovert’s thoughts. I’ve been stuck in those situations before. I can look back to just such an experience from last year. I tried doing everything I could for her, and my defined line for going too far was way too low. I got bitter towards her.

    I have to state, she was a self confessed “hot mess.” To say it was just a case of me being a “nice guy” would be incorrect. I can also say, like a lot of these girls that go for the bad guys, I was seeing the bad girl and wanting to change her. I can admit now that my thinking was wrong. It took that experience for me to see it.

    looking at the three problems: pushover, suck-up, and clingy; I was more pushover than anything. I avoided the clinginess, but also tried to keep the peace. Part of her “mess” was being easily irritated by small things. Like snapping at me when I miss spoke about a replaced headlight.

    The issue with “nice people” they are wasting their time trying to do for others when they should be taking their own advice. It’s anxiety from trying something new and therefore scary. I’ll bet that most, if not all “nice people,” are introverts. Which means stepping out of the comfort zone.

    Long story shortened, I am still a nice guy. I’m just not the pushover I use to be. I still avoid clinginess. I will help if I can, but not nearly to the degree I once did. It’s a part of me that wants to help, but I have learned that I can only help so much, and that offering help where it was not asked for is pointless. I could not go after a woman for the sake of just sex. I honestly want something real, not some “locker room bragging rights.”

    I think this culture has created the “nice guys” and “nice girls” because it only caters to those willing to take advantage of others. Instead of reinforcing kindness for each other. It tells us to take what we want without considering others. Now I feel like I’m ranting.

    As a friend of mine has said, this goes for everyone, experience new things. Go out there and do your own thing, discover what you what, and like to do. I am still gaining my stride when it comes to preempting the pushover issue, and I have decided to not let bad experiences turn me bitter. I want to be happy and share that with someone. I can’t do that holding on to the past and not accepting that I made mistakes.

    I’m ranting again…. One last thought, speaking as a “nice guy” who has learned from his mistakes and other’s, step out of the comfort zone and give it a go. It’s about confidence. Know yourself and why you are worthy of happiness.

  3. autumnstrength June 28, 2013 at 12:52 am #

    I think the term ‘nice guy’ has come to mean something negative – basically a man who lacks confidence so tries to make up for it with niceness and a willingness to please all the time in the hope that this will make up for his lack of confidence to women. Quirkyintrovert hit the nail on the head about this kind of man and his intentions. The ‘nice guy’ is an actor looking to deceive women into thinking he’s a nice guy, when really he just lacks balls and thinks acting really nice will make up for this. I know this because I have been one for years. It’s only recently that I’ve realized I wasn’t being honest with myself and I need to change things. I’ve made the mistake before of being too eager to please and it’s definitely a big mistake. Women don’t appreciate it and take advantage of it and resentment follows.

    I think there should be a new term – the nice, confident man. This is who women should be looking for if they don’t want the problems that come with the ‘nice guy’.

  4. Nice Guy June 28, 2013 at 9:49 am #

    Nice guys do not want high maintenance bitchy girls idk who told you that, I absolutely HATE bitchy high maintenance girls

    • lovepattyx0 June 28, 2013 at 1:53 pm #

      ^^He’s on the right track! lol.

      Those girls get you no where but stuck in a hole. And you will NEVER be able to please them.

    • mishie1 June 28, 2013 at 4:54 pm #

      Just a general observation – a lot of times the girl dating the asshole IS a high maintenance girl. I’ve also known many women who are very nice, low maintenance, and awesome, but are single more than any other girls because they refuse to date jerks.

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