Is it Cheating if it’s his Guy Friend?

24 Jun

After my old blog site started going downhill, a Facebook group was made so that everyone can be in touch while we all figure out what is next.

In that group, a woman posted the following:

I’m doing a survey: how many of you think cheating is flirting, mentally, emotionally, physically?

How many of you think cheating is just vaginal/penal/oral sex?

Please elaborate

Valid question. It’s something that differs between all people, because what is okay and what is not okay is different for all people. I find that those people who have been cheated on are especially rigid in their views, but of course, they’ve been hurt.

No one likes being hurt.

I hold to my guns that there are many gray areas involved with cheating, but we all know that’s my MO about everything. And before you get riled up, let me explain.

Person has sex with other person, but it was emotionally meaningless. While that person might not think it was a big deal because they don’t “love them”, he/she should still know that this would hurt the significant other, and should not want to hurt the person he/she loves. And thus, the significant other was hurt and feels unloved.

I would feel solace knowing that my significant other didn’t love the other person, but I would also feel unloved, because he knew it would hurt me. If he didn’t know that, we shouldn’t be together. Unfortunately, this could be a gray area…obviously not for me because I would never sleep around like that, but for some.

Person flirts with other person, but doesn’t realize he/she is flirting. Other person starts flirting back. Significant other sees this, and sees intent and a developing relationship.

This is another gray area, because some people are just naturally charming and flirty. Even being a gentleman could be considered flirting, or that care giving nature. But if that’s just who you are and you weren’t intentionally flirting or coming on to someone, I don’t consider that cheating. At the same time, intentional flirting is a no-no. Telling the difference is hard.

But, back to my title question. Emotional cheating is often considered the worst, or at least just as bad, as physical cheating. I’ll leave that up for you to decide. What I want to know is if the sex and sexuality of the people in question matters as far as emotional cheating is concerned.

Take this example: Person A is in a relationship with Person B, and is good friends with Person C. A and B have been arguing a lot lately, but they both still love each other very much. Person A needs someone to vent to one night about the workplace and about the arguments with Person B, and really, just life. Person C is A’s closest friend, so they hang out. Person A vents, while C listens intently. 

Months go on, and Person A seems to be going to Person C to vent a lot more than Person B, who A should probably be going to.

Case and point: emotional cheating.

Let’s say A is a heterosexual man, and B and C are heterosexual women. Cheating?

Let’s say A is a heterosexual man, B is a woman, and C is a heterosexual man. Cheating?

How about if A is a heterosexual woman, B is a man, and C is a heterosexual woman?

What if A is a heterosexual woman, and B and C are heterosexual men? Cheating?

What if A is a bisexual man or woman, and C is a homosexual same or opposite? Cheating?

What do you think about these situations? Is your gut telling you they are different? Why? Are they really different? 

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2 Responses to “Is it Cheating if it’s his Guy Friend?”

  1. erikamsteele June 24, 2013 at 5:44 pm #

    Personally, I think only the people in the relationship should define what is cheating and what is not. I would be kind of upset if my husband were venting to someone else about our relationship on a continual basis especially if he were not telling me what was wrong. It would not matter who that person was.

  2. fadingsunlight June 26, 2013 at 9:46 am #

    Let’s say A is a heterosexual man, and B and C are heterosexual women. Cheating? I think it could be, especially if A is going to C and avoiding B altogether. I think A has an obligation to either break it off with B or start facing things with B.

    Let’s say A is a heterosexual man, B is a woman, and C is a heterosexual man. Cheating? If there’s no potential for a sexual relationship there, no, I wouldn’t consider it “cheating.” But I still feel much the same way: that A should either end it or work on things with B. Who wants to be in that situation forever??

    How about if A is a heterosexual woman, B is a man, and C is a heterosexual woman? Same as the previous answer.

    What if A is a heterosexual woman, and B and C are heterosexual men? Cheating? Same as the first answer. :-P

    What if A is a bisexual man or woman, and C is a homosexual same or opposite? Cheating? Same as the first. (Basically, if there’s potential for a sexual relationship there, I like it slightly less, but neither is really morally “right” to me.

    What do you think about these situations? Is your gut telling you they are different? Why? Are they really different? I do think they’re slightly different, though not much… To me, there’s a difference between a potential (and, in my experience, very likely) deeper connection/romantic connection between two people that are sexually oriented so as to be attracted to one another and…Sean going out and having a beer with a guy from class. He’s not going to screw the guy from class or even just fantasize about a life with the guy from class while things are rocky between us. There’s a very good possibility of one or both if he’s spending time alone with a straight female during that same rocky period.

    …blogged a comment. <3 you!

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