The End-of-Relationship Asshole

20 Jun

If you’ve been keeping up with my 30 day letter challenge, as you should be, you have read my letter to my ex boyfriend. You might have also read a comment from a friend about the situation, too.  Fadingsunlight wrote:

Why do perfectly decent human beings turn into jackasses when a relationship ends?

And it’s true…or it, at least, seems to be. My ex wasn’t for me, and that doesn’t really reflect anything about him other than I didn’t find the things he did during the relationship to be desirable (that doesn’t mean others won’t or don’t). He was, however, a decent human being.

He was genuine in his feelings, and I could never say that he was innately just a bad person. By that, I mean he wouldn’t ever intentionally hurt me, or lead me on knowing it would hurt me, or really just have no disregard for others.

Until we broke up, that is. It wasn’t even a bad breakup, but the second we broke it off he just became mean, vile, and petty. It wasn’t even a response to something I was doing – I hadn’t tried to contact him, and I was being completely civil (spare my rants to my best friend, but that’s expecting). It was of his own will to seek me out and be rude and disrespectful.

I don’t understand it at all.

Does fadingsunlight make a valid point in her comment? Do you agree that people who are generally not jerks become so after breaking up? Why do you think this happens? 


9 Responses to “The End-of-Relationship Asshole”

  1. fadingsunlight June 20, 2013 at 10:06 am #

    Well, of course I make a valid point! LOL .< Another tried to not sign divorce papers because he was in the process of claiming bankruptcy; if we were still married when he filed, it would hurt me too, even though he was already killing my credit by defaulting on a loan that he'd talked me into co-signing for him. Both instances were moments of, "WTF?! WHO ARE YOU?! MIND BLOWN!"

    In both instances, I had simply gone my own way after the break up and did not bother or molest them, like you said. I wonder if THAT isn't the problem…if, even though the relationship wasn't working, they still wanted us to pine for them. To drunk dial them, post heart break songs to FB, and ponder how we will ever go on without them. Maybe when we don't do that, their ego is bruised and they lash out? It's silly, asinine and backwards, but people and logic aren't friends sometimes.

    • fadingsunlight June 20, 2013 at 10:08 am #

      Apparently, WordPress doesn’t like my “faces.” Before “Another…” there should be, “It’s happened in two out of three of my long-term relationships. One spread rumors that I was an alcoholic since the age of 19. (insert wincing face here)”

      • autumnstrength June 21, 2013 at 8:35 am #

        I was saying to someone on here the other day about recording/taking naked videos/pictures with a partner – you never know when this person who you think you can trust and know so well can become your enemy and want to hurt you badly.

        • fadingsunlight June 21, 2013 at 10:33 am #

          And that’s why I always kept possession of the sexy-smexy tapes. ;-)

    • mishie1 June 20, 2013 at 10:12 am #

      It’s true, and maybe that *is* it. I mean, we all know that I haven’t really had a lot of relationship experience, but, men and their egos.

  2. lovepattyx0 June 20, 2013 at 2:24 pm #

    Reblogged this on Sometimes I just love to have that out.

  3. lovepattyx0 June 20, 2013 at 2:25 pm #

    She makes a valid point for sure. And the majority of the time I found it to be just because of rejection. Some people can NOT handle it well.

  4. purplepoet7 July 1, 2013 at 6:19 am #

    I think it makes people feel insecure. like maybe they aren’t good enough, and people get angry when they’re scared. I used to get angry at my ex whenever I was lonely. I blamed him for the fact that I didn’t have any friends left and didn’t really have a plan for my life.

    • mishie1 July 1, 2013 at 10:32 am #

      I used to do that with this friend that I used to have. Every time things went downhill for me I wished nasty, horrible things on her.

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