Archive | September, 2012

Off-Limits Attraction

19 Sep

There are so many different levels of attraction out there, and things that we are attracted to, that I’m sure at one point in time we’ve all been attracted to someone who was “off-limits”. From people who are “taken” to coworkers to teachers all the way to the cop that just pulled you over, there isn’t a shortage of these people either.

Whats your off-limits type? When is it okay to take your attraction to the next level?

Quitting Friends

19 Sep


I may have posted about this before, and if so, I apologize.

I always have to ask myself is it me or is it them because I feel like I have this problem a lot. My friends aren’t there for me when I need them, and its really upsetting. There are times when one of my friendships is so one way, I just have to ask myself if its worth it. I’ve had my share of friend break-ups in the past, and I like to think they were all for good reason. If I make an effort, I expect an effort to be made for me, so when one isn’t for long enough, I’m really okay with calling it quits. It hurts, but it hurts more consistently otherwise.

There was one time when I decided it was time to call it quits. My friend, “Kevin”, had been part of my life for quite a while. We were close, but hanging out with him was impossible. I could ask him every day for a month and not see him once. It was just too frustrating, so I sent him a text telling him that if he really wanted to be my friend he would have to make all the effort, because I was done. He got really upset at that and made all these excuses and finally got me to go have pizza with him. I still consider him my friend now, but I could put in all the effort in the world and still not see him, so I don’t.

Right now, I have this gut feeling that I should break-up with another friend, but at the same time I feel like it would just be easier to stop making any effort and just let the friendship gradually fade away.

Do you or have you had any friend break-ups? How do you go about it? What was the last straw to push you over?

My Journey Through Music: Country

12 Sep


I have to say, before anything else, that country was especially difficult to get through. My apologies for how long it took me to get through this.

I had a whole bunch of help on this one. I had help from Carolina Courtland, my cousin Josh, and a friend, Ryan. I had to sort through 41 artists, which I knew very little about, and pick 10 to listen to. There was a bit of overlap, so I took the ones that they all had in common, and narrowed it down like that. This is what I came up with:

Patsy Cline
Dolly Parton
Hank Williams (Sr.)
Johnny Cash
Kenny Rogers
Garth Brooks
Reba McEntire
George Strait
George Jones
Willie Nelson

Once again, I listened to 7 songs each, picked from a list of top ten songs. That’s also the order I listened to them in, and the reason this took so long was that (unfortunately for any die-hard fans out there) I couldn’t make it through 7 songs of Hank Williams. I tried, and I tried. The first two songs I listened to – I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry and Lovesick Blues – weren’t all that bad. When I reached my third song, Your Cheatin’ Heart, I just couldn’t do it. I had that “Ohhhhh Godddddd” moment the moment it came on. The high point of my Hank Williams experience was when I listened to Hey, Good Lookin. My dad used to sing that growing up, and I didn’t know it was an actual song. Its the perfect example of some catchy, sing-whenever-you-want lyrics, but some not-so-great music.

There were a few artists that were so-so, and I don’t want to spend a whole lot of time on. Dolly Parton was the first, and although I recognized this song right away, I liked Glee’s version of Jolene much better. Reba McEntire, George Jones, and George Strait were right after one another, and none of them really impressed me. None of them were bad, but I just didn’t get a whole lot of feeling from any of their songs.

Now, back to the beginning. The first artist I listened to was Patsy Cline, and I adore her. I looked forward to listening to country when I was done listening to her. Crazy was the first song I listened to, and it had a sound similar to other non-country artists of the time. It was a sound that I liked, and her voice is beautiful.

Johnny Cash was the next artist that stood out, but I was already slightly familiar with his music. My mom loves him, so when I was in middle and high school, we would listen to it sometimes. The songs I Walk the Lineand Folsom Prison Blues were enjoyable to listen to, and I think its because they were different than all the other songs. I wasn’t crazy about any of the other ones; they were more like talking with music in the background than singing.

Kenny Rogers had more of a rock-and-roll quality than any of the artists, and so I naturally enjoyed his music. Just Dropped In and Coward of the County were my two personal faves.

After Kenny Rogers was Garth Brooks. I had to laugh a little bit when he began to sing because his voice was the epitome of country singer…low and twangy. As I listened to his songs, I found myself swooning a little over the man, and when he was younger he was definitely a looker. The last song I listened to was Rodeo and in an instant all of those feelings were gone – until I realized, that is, that the song I was listening to was him at all. It was a terrible song by somebody else, so I found his actual song and felt better. The Thunder Rolls and The River were the two songs I enjoyed most by him.

Last, but definitely not least, I listened to Willie Nelson. Him and Patsy Cline were are tied for my favorite country artist (from this list, at least…I’ll give you the scoop later). I enjoyed listening to all of his songs, and because I was building a bookshelf at the time, listened to some of them more than once. My personal favorite was Always On My Mind. It reminds me of my parents, for whatever reason. I also discovered that he, too, sings the song The Scientist. This song is the reason I don’t listen to Coldplay; I just can’t stand it. But his version was better, even though I still wasn’t completely sold.

After listening to 70 country songs, I still can’t say that I like country much more than I did before, but now I know that at least I can listen to it and, to some degree, enjoy it. Oh, and thanks for being patient with me!

Do you like country? What do you think of the list? Would you make any revisions to the artist list (or song list, if you’ve been listening)?

Body Image: My Perspective

12 Sep

Body image in respects to having a “positive” or “negative” view of it is shaped by how we think other people see us, how we see ourselves, and how we think we should see ourselves. Hypothyroidism and weight gain go hand in hand, and I’ve struggled my entire life with both. Part of my struggle with the way I see myself, is that what I see in the mirror, what I see in pictures, and what I look at when I’m just sitting here or walking around and I look down. And before you read on, please understand how personal body image is.

That girl in the picture? Such is a fat kid (I refer to myself as a fat kid in the most endearing way possible).

That girl in the mirror? Definitely a chunk.

That girl I see when I look down? So average-sized.

I can’t really explain why the three images are so different. It does bring to light how altered the images of those with anorexia and bulimia are. If you haven’t thought about it, I challenge you to do so. What I see when I look down gives me sort of a “skinny girl” outlook. The way I hold myself, my confidence, and how I dress all reflect that. The person I see when I look in the mirror is what makes me confident to smile at people walking down the street. What I see in pictures is what causes me to assume that men have no interest in me as I pass them on the street, and how I accept that I am no 10.

So with that, I bring you what I see, when I look down. I’m sure that my perception of these pictures and your perception of these pictures is different, but I think its interesting, nonetheless. This is how I see myself:



How do you see yourself? 

The Petty Things in Life

11 Sep


Petty; (pet-ty) adjective

1. Of little importance; trivial.
2. Behavior characterized by an undue concern for trivial matters, especially in a small-minded or spiteful way.


Each and every one of us have something in our life that seems very important to us, but is actually petty to everyone else. We usually term it an OCD or just something we are ‘really anal about’, but that doesn’t change the pettiness of it. One such example of this comes from my job. We clean dirty pet carriers at the end of each day, and set them gate-down to dry. When I set them to dry, I must organize them by size, and preferably by style, or in a pattern. It really bothers me when other people don’t organize them that way, but I admit that it is a petty thing, so I don’t say anything.

My biggest reason for not saying anything, is because I know others will think they are petty, and there is no real reason they should care. Personally, I have a really big problem when people expect me to care about petty things (that are important to them). I don’t care. Sure, you can get me to care (maybe) but you have to sell your point like you are losing money and you are losing money fast. You need to make me understand why its important to you, and then I might care.

What are some things that are important to you, but petty to others? Will you perform a task, even if you think its petty and find no meaning in it?

Reliving Embarrassing Moments

11 Sep


Some days, like today, I’ll be walking around, minding my own business. Then, out of no where a memory of something stupid I’ve done previously will pop into my head, and all the feeling of the moment will come rushing back.

Today, it was one that is quite frequent in my mind. I often get crushes on my TA’s, and even a class as terrible as Organic Chemistry lab isn’t an exception. It was more like a pseudocrush due to his position than a real crush. For the entire semester, I couldn’t help but think he looked like Michael Sheen from Dirty, Filthy Love. When the last day of lab came, I decided to tell him, and his ‘and why do I care’ reaction caused me to over-elaborate on who the character was (since he hadn’t seen the film). I proceeded to tell him about the sex scene that the character and his ex-wife have, and how he barks when he orgasms. I’m pretty sure I even showed him the clip from that scene.

Um. Awkward.

So, yeah. I relived that today. And various other times since then (and that was 3 and 1/2 years ago).

What embarrassing moments do you relive often enough to wish you didn’t?

Children as the Future of Religious Intolerance

8 Sep


Here at Colorado State University, we have a place reserved for anyone who needs a moment to utilize their right to free speech. Its called the plaza, and on any given day you can find a score of people talking about everything from the environment, to politics, to abortion.

Today’s feature presentation was by a religious group advocating on getting in to heaven. It was some very conservative religious group, as all of the female members were wearing long sleeved and long skirted dresses, with high collars and scarves covering their hair. A man, whom I presume to be from the same group, was making a speech about sin and how we need to accept God into our lives. Its been an hour since I’ve been there, and I can only imagine that its starting to get out of hand. People don’t much like to be told they are sinning and going to hell, and as college students we do like to use our voices against it.

What was different about this group of people, was that they were congregated as families. A family here, and a family there. As I was walking off of the plaza, a woman standing there with her husband and young (about age 7 I’d say) daughter were standing there handing out little cards. The mother was ignored by a girl in passing, and handed her daughter the stack of cards. The next girls both took cards from the little girl. Not everyone is as nice. Not everyone will accept her cards.

I find both good and bad in this situation. This child will face rejection, and she may or may not know why. This can be a good thing; she might rise up and be stronger because of it. In the same breath, she may not. My biggest problem with it is that she is not old enough to make a logical decision about her beliefs, and she shouldn’t be advocating for her parents’. She was also in an area that could get very heated, very fast and words can be very powerful to someone so young.

Do you think its wrong for her parents to have her hand out these pamphlets? 

What People Thought of Me

8 Sep

Over the past 10 years of my life, I’ve went from “everybody knew me and what I did” to “I was nobody” to “I’m important, enough”.

Going through ups and downs like that in a social perspective can be taxing, and it also puts perspective on how much people think matters: not at all. Generally, people seem to like me enough, and I don’t really think there is any reason not to like me. The people who don’t like me tend to feel that way because I’m not intimidated by them, or because of my confidence – simple things.  I also don’t usually put up with peoples crap, or kiss peoples asses justso they like me. That’s part of the “I don’t care if you like me or not” mindset.

I do have a story for you, though. Let me set the mood: I was in high school. Who was I in high school? I was involved in everything, from class President, to Student Council President, to manager of football, basketball, and track, to volunteering, to being Winter Sports Queen, and maintaining a 4.0 while taking college classes. I was that girl. I didn’t drink, I didn’t do or try drugs of any kind, and I didn’t smoke. I was a virgin then, and still am. I was pretty much the straightest arrow you could find. I was also not afraid to make a stand, though, which is usually the reason why people didn’t like me.

I dated this guy, “Dave”. His mother, for whatever reason, hated me. She really had it out for me. While I was dating Dave, my friend “Kelly” was dating Dave’s brother, “Richard”. Their mother loved this girl. Kelly and I weren’t complete opposites, but we were on different ends of the spectrum, for sure, and she had been in her share of trouble. If you talked to their mother about us, I’m sure I would sound like a trouble-making, sexual deviant and Kelly would be this sweet, innocent angel.

Although it bothered me, I got over it. I was just as nice to that woman as I was to everyone else, but it didn’t matter. Now, with Dave behind me, its amazing how I ended up way above his mothers thoughts of me. She thought I was a terrible influence, but I’m the one who is in college to become a veterinarian. I’m the one who is an independent woman, living on her own, with her life on the exact path she had planned. Richard and Kelly’s lives (although separate) definitely had huge speed bumps involving drugs, babies, and rehab.  Don’t get me wrong, Dave, Richard, and Kelly are all great people with what I can only hope are great things ahead of them, but I was always the bad one, and it was never for anything I actually did, only what they thought I was doing.

I also can’t lie: It feels great to know that I’ve proved her completely wrong, whether she is aware of the fact or not.

Have you ever risen up against what people have thought you were to prove them absolutely wrong? Ever had a significant other whose parents didn’t like you? What were their reasons?

My Life With Hypothyroidism

5 Sep


Hypothyroidism isn’t something that people think a lot about. Even the medical and science community haven’t given it too much thought.

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was somewhere around the age of 6 or 7. If you don’t know a lot about the disease, the quick and dirty is that the thyroid gland doesn’t produce enough of the right hormone. This hormone controls pretty much everything metabolism in your body. Believe me when I say this: metabolism is huge. When I was a senior, I pulled out my photo albums from my childhood and looked through it with my boyfriend and his brother. His brothers first response was wow, you were so skinny! Yeah…that was before my thyroid crapped out and I wasn’t on medication.

When I was diagnosed, things weren’t terrible. I don’t remember it very vividly, but things really only went downhill. I was on medication for a little while for it, but not only did I have to have expensive blood work done every 3 months, but the medication wasn’t exactly cheap. Due to financial reasons, my mom decided to take me off the medication. Time went by, I gained weight, but life went on. Some time, I think around 5th or 6th grade, I went back on my medication. Once again, I had to have blood work done every three months, and when you have my veins, its a terrible experience. I remember one time was especially gruesome. They tried 8 separate times, on both arms, to get the veins. I looked like a heroine addict pretty much 100% of the time.

I was back on the medication. I didn’t feel different. I went through 5 different doctors from the time I was diagnosed to the time I graduated high school. Some times they would take me off the medication purposely for their tests, only for me to gain more weight. Most of the time I couldn’t remember to take my daily pill, and the biggest reason for that was I didn’t feel anything whether I was on the medication or off. There was no validation that it worked, so I wasn’t reinforced to take it. I was still at home then, so although I couldn’t remember, my mom did a pretty good job of reminding me to take it.

When I got to college it was a whole different story. I couldn’t ever remember to take my medication, and because of that, my hair started to fall out more than it ever had, and I could barely keep my eyes open. The fatigue was overwhelming, and I struggled with life itself until my junior year of college. I gained 50 lbs my freshman year, handfuls of hair came out every time I showered, and I couldn’t wake up for class. I was so extremely tired that I spent 12 hours a day sleeping and I still couldn’t function during the day. Mixed with outside stresses, I failed all but one class my fall semester of sophomore year.

As a junior, I started to make things better. I found a great doctor, who takes the time to make sure the medication is tailored to my specific need. She also put me on a different medication. It is the old school hormone that they get from pigs, but for some reason it actually works when the synthetic human hormone failed. For the first time in my life, I felt a difference when I took my medication. Pounds didn’t exactly fall off, but one sign that the medication is working is that you begin to lose small amounts of weight without trying. I was waking up after 8 1/2 hours of sleep feeling fantastic.

Today, I still struggle with taking the medication regularly, but only because I have a problem getting refills and scheduling appointments. I can’t afford blood work every three months (hello…college student here) or the doctors visits, but I’m making it work. After being off the medication for a few weeks and struggling with depression, fatigue, and weight gain, I’m back on it. We discovered, what is now a long time ago, that the only way to effectively get blood from me is with a butterfly needle (the one they use for babies) in the back of my hand.

I still have one problem. It is extremely frustrating that the only method of medicating is oral. I can’t accept that this is the only way it will work. Birth control is a once-a-day hormone pill, just like my medication. There are so many other methods for birth control, that I want some for my condition! Why can’t I use a patch? Or a subcutaneous implant (implanon-like)? Or a shot? Why must it be a daily pill?

Do you know anyone with hypothyroidism? What is something you’ve struggled with?

It’s Not Your Fault, I’m Just Not Attracted to You

5 Sep


Attraction is everything when it come to relationships. If that guy or girl approaches you, and you don’t think they are attractive, the chances he or she has are near zero. If one is lucky enough to still get you into a conversation, there is still a shot at winning you over – that is, unless their personality is unattractive, too.

I haven’t “rejected” a vast number of men, but those I have were because I just wasn’t attracted to them. It isn’t something any of us can control, but I still feel bad about it. If you tell someone that is the reason you don’t want to date them, they feel bad too (even though its out of everyone’s control).

I won’t go into it, but there are certain things I just don’t find attractive. Nothing is ever 100%, but most of the time these things hold. I think it is unfair to expect everyone to be attracted to everyone else, but let me make it clear that it doesn’t mean that you are ugly, just because I’m not attracted to you. I base it in biology, because sexuality and attraction are definitely physiologically based. It is along the same principles of why some men naturally smell great, and other men naturally smell like they woke up in a garbage can. Those same garbage can men smell great to other people.

Why do you think people seem so hurt when you aren’t attracted to them? Do you think we could stop feeling so hurt if we just thought about the basis of attraction more? What are you not attracted to?