Friends or Significant Other…Whats More Important?

11 Apr

Friends, or girlfriend? Its a problem with a lot of relationships, and no one is immune. Whether you are the significant other, the one with the friends, or a friend…you’ve been in this situation. Your best bud has a new girlfriend, and now you NEVER see him/her. You are forced to do things that you would usually do together, without them. You can barely get a hold of them, and they don’t call or text you – forget about hanging out, you can’t even get a “hey, whats up?”.

So, whats the deal?

We’ve all been in new relationships, and the idea of learning everything about this new person in your life is exciting, thrilling even. The second they walk out of the door, you can’t wait to see your significant other again. You feel ecstatic about everything, and you want to spend all of your time with your new love. Your friends should be supportive that you are finally happy, but for some reason they are being total dickheads about it. They stop returning your texts, and they never call you. You haven’t seen them for weeks.

So, whats the deal?

Its a huge dilemma. Most of us get so wrapped up in our new relationships and enjoy hanging out with our significant other so much, that we don’t even realize we haven’t seen our best friend in weeks. Simply put, its as if the place your best friend has held in your life – fun, excitement, someone to talk to – has been filled by a new person who has even more benefits. Its not that you want to replace them, or mean to replace them, it just kind of…happens.  If you are unlucky enough to be in a situation in which your significant other doesn’t like your friends, or your friends don’t like your significant other, its even harder to spend time with them, because you have to do so individually.  Friends, on the other hand, often feel entitled to time with you, and it hurts when they don’t get to enjoy your company like they normally would. Being in the friend position, you often think how is this person who has suddenly just appeared become so much more important than me? or do I really not matter enough for them to spend even a small amount of time with me? Unfortunately, the person in the new relationship is often blinded, and just finds the friend selfish and inconsiderate. I’ve been in this situation and unfortunately, it took me and my boyfriend breaking up to realize I hadn’t seen my bestie in a very long time. Luckily, he still cared about me.

So, what do you do?

First, you have to acknowledge that you are spending all of your time with your new interest. Then, you have to do something about it. Blaming your girlfriend/boyfriend makes you seem like a jerk, and so does blaming your friend for not being more understanding. When it comes down to it, you need to realize that you are making the decision of who you hang out with and you are in fact, partially responsible. The same goes when you are in a friend position. Yeah, your friend may be MIA, but they are in a new relationship, and for all you know, this new person could be spending the rest of their life with your friend. That person becomes a bigger priority when that happens, and you have to accept that even though your friend loves you, and needs your companionship, they are starting a new life with someone. It also helps to acknowledge that you understand the difficulty your friend is facing in trying to decided between the significant other and you.

Working through these problems can save a friendship, but there is still a point in which you have to decide who take priority.

Are friends or your boyfriend/girlfriend more important when you are in a relationship? Does that priority change over time, or should it be standard throughout the relationship? How do you handle this when you start a new relationship?

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